SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

[FreakingOutRightNow123]

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

Honestly she should be grateful or your DB would have lost the deposit he paid. What’s wrong with her?! And yes stop doing her accounts, and let us know what she says!

Yes, no more free bookkeeping for her, you don't get a free pass to yell and call someone 'disgusting' for daring to take out their parents and brother to dinner. It's not like she was gravely ill in hospital, which might have been a different matter.

Of course, it will make you an even bigger 'baddy' in her eyes, but she needs to learn consequences to her shitty behaviour.

SIL is a pill.

But the OP isn't 'round here' she's in London, where 50 quid is barely enough to buy two people two-courses-and-a-glass-of-plonk at a Pizza Express, let alone take your Mum out somewhere really nice on what is the 2nd busiest day of the year for most restaurants.

Good for you. She's probably used to being able to shout your brother down and thinks she can do the same to you. You deserve a big apology, but don't do her books whether you get one or not. She's probably like my mum and thinks she can just behave however she likes and people will always make allowances

Wow. She’s an actual fucking lunatic. I’m glad she had a shit day. And I hope she finds this thread. 😂

What's going on recently with all the posters quoting massive posts just to say something that can be said without the quote being copied? Imagine trying to read a thread if we all did this.

I'd be tempted to ask her if she's quite well, given her reaction.

The bashing my parents and I got were all over the phone, my dad called me on his phone while SIL was yelling at my mum on her phone (mum had her on speaker) and I could hear it clearly, I told my dad to get mum to hang up and not answer if she called back (both my parents were in tears at this point). SIL then called me and I couldn’t get a word in, it was literally just her yelling at me until I hung up. DB then went round to my parents to check on them and apologise then came round to me to apologise and explain he didn’t know what the actual problem was either. SIL then called both me and my parents back later and we both answered thinking she’d calmed down and we could have a rational conversation but it was just more of the same so both my parents and I ended up hunging up again. The most baffling thing is her saying we treated the children badly (see my second post).

No as far as I know DB wasn’t needed for anything else, like I said they’d already rebooked at the same restaurant for 2 weeks time and he was back home before SIL and the kids anyway so he was there to do whatever in the evening.

I don’t think it’s clicked for SIL about her accounts, she was so angry that I don’t think she wasn’t thinking rationally or about the bigger picture.

Haven't read the whole thread just OPs posts. This story screams of one thing to me - coercive control. She is furious because he did something without her and bonded with his family without her influence. She didn't get to dictate what he wore, ate or said. Obviously I don't know this but I don't know the individuals either, going just on the info this sounds like he is in a very difficult situation.

I think you need to support your brother OP and maybe really ask some difficult questions, keep him talking to you and if he cuts contact be very concerned.

What absolute mad behaviour on the part of your SIL, I’d love to hear her rationale

She sounds mad. This is probably the most baffling thread I’ve ever seen on mumsnet!
would love to know what she thought the problem was

Surely there's been some kind of miscommunication here?!

Honestly your SIL sounds awful. Your poor DB. How on earth does she think you treated the children badly? I feel so sorry for your parents and you too. What an unpleasant end to what should have been a nice day. I would find it very difficult to be pleasant to her in the future unless she apologises. Please don’t do her books. She can’t treat people like that.

Really is!
My SIL got angry because I avoided her losing £200 by taking the dinner reservation she didn't want to use...
I honestly have no words.

OP you've done nothing wrong and I'm sorry that your poor parents are in tears about this

Displaced rage - she's furious with her siblings and Mum but taking it out on others.

Weird. I’d keep close contact with your DB (and your parents, obviously) and see how things go. She must have been very wound up for some reason and more of the ‘story’ may come out when the dust settles.

Your poor Mum especially as she must have been made up to have been with you and your Bro on Mothering Sunday until SiL stamped on the joy.

What an absolutely awful person she sounds, your poor brother!

Good for you not doing her books. Hopefully you can get a quiet chat with your brother and check in on her normal behaviour towards him. He should have been fuming with her for changing the plans so last minute and potentially costing a relatively large sum of money.

Sister in law sounds like a deranged nut job.

Sister-in-law sounds like a deranged nut job.

SIL sounds like an abusive, entitled nightmare.

Your poor brother! And the children!

she’s told him that if he doesn’t know, she can’t help him

This is incredibly immature of her. She is clearly upset, but won't say why. She is demanding you all read her mind.

I think I'd be blocking her from now on. Who wants to listen to someone's abusive language?

Delighted that you are dropping her in it with regards to her accounts!

But seriously, is she quite well? She sounds unbalanced.

I honestly can't work out what your SIL problem is. She sounds deranged. All I can think of is she had a terrible day and the thought of all of you having a lovely lunch has made her unhinged.

How dare she drag you and especially your parents into it. I couldn't forgive that in a hurry.