Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
Namerequired · 31/03/2025 19:15

Is it you she was shouting at or your brother? If it was you that’s even more batshit. She obviously thinks the day should be all about her. I also don’t know why he has to celebrate with his mother on a different day all of the time, that’s his mum.

MellowCritic · 31/03/2025 19:21

Your sil sounds as ridiculous, as her own mother is. The apple doesn't fall far as they say!

OldCottageGreenhouse · 31/03/2025 19:23

I would text her and say what a “….wonderful time…” I’d had and “thanks again for the last minute reservation” followed by a 😋 but then I'm not known for my diplomacy.

OldCottageGreenhouse · 31/03/2025 19:23
Pop Tv Eating GIF by Big Brother After Dark

I’d also send this

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 31/03/2025 19:27

Your brother sounds really nice. Your SIL, not-so-much. You and your parents are just going to have to support your brother as best you can, it seems as if there’s a lot more going on there than you are party to.

thatone · 31/03/2025 19:29

Sorry!!!! voted YABU by mistake - meant YANBU at all.

KindOfKash · 31/03/2025 19:37

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

hmmmm - was he still expected to take SIL out? did she go to see her mum or were the kids just taken there.

Random question - does SIL have any siblings?

Crackanut · 31/03/2025 19:40

@KindOfKash you don't need to quote the entire OP to make a comment.

Also the info you're looking for is in the OP that you quoted

SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house

JudgeJ · 31/03/2025 19:40

KoiTetra · 31/03/2025 14:41

I mean he probably should have told her that's what he was going to do even just a quick text (He may have done this you don't say). "Hope you're having a nice time with your mum, rather than sitting around at home and so the reservation doesn't go to waste I am going to head out with mum and sis, see you when you get home"

If she seriously expected him to just sit at home and pine for her while she disappears out and ruins his plans then she seems very controlling and self centred.

Can't see why he needed to explain his afternoon to his wife at all, she's the one who was happy to spoil his afternoon to do her mother's bidding at the last minute.

Cherrysoup · 31/03/2025 19:44

jollygreenpea · 31/03/2025 18:48

Op clearly says that the SIL decided to go and see her mother on the day. The Sil mother had come back early from her holiday due to a row with her partner.
The mother only wanted her children and grandchildren going round, (rude).

Op Db was then free to do what ever he wished.

Op paid for the meal as her db has or will be paying for the other meal that they have/had planned for their mother.

This was an impromptu meal because the sil had changed the plan.

I feel sorry for the op brother, and think Sil sound dreadful, nasty and unhindged.

Show quote history

Yes, thank you, I managed to read that. That doesn't answer the question about if the table was presumably booked for the dc and did the mother who came back from holiday still want the grandchildren there?

JudgeJ · 31/03/2025 19:45

From my understanding, SIL didn’t have a good Mother’s Day so maybe you’re right and that’s actually the problem; SIL’s mother is equally as difficult as SIL so maybe that’s another side to it.

I'm glad she didn't have a good day, maybe she'll think twice about dumping her husband for her mother at the last minute. Sounds like the mother's partner has her measure.

Strictlymad · 31/03/2025 19:45

Sounds like she had a rubbish time and is green with envy at your lovely day. No excuses for her shocking behaviour though. What an eye opener

Original poster
FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 19:47

To be honest I am worried about my DB, if she can unleash this level of anger on us then I can only imagine what she’s like behind closed doors. That’s why I came here in the first place questioning myself; the level of her reaction was so strong that I needed to check I wasn’t missing anything just in case.

From what I can gather, SIL’s mother wasn’t happy from the very start as apart from her relationship issues that ended her holiday early, her son / SIL’s DB decided not to attend and instead opted to stick to the plans he already had with his wife (only her daughters and their kids attended) so things started off under a cloud right from the very beginning. That’s nothing to do with us though.

SIL knows I paid as she actually said it made my “ disgusting behaviour” even worse (see my second post).

To those questioning my DB, I don’t think there’s more to the story as SIL surely would have said if there was, either way that doesn’t explain her being angry with me and my parents for our “disgusting behaviour”.

For those questioning why I paid, please read the OP and my update. DB already took my parents out the week before and paid (along with my other siblings) and did gifts etc. He already had “Mother’s Day” with my mum. I was supposed to be the only child seeing my parents on the actual day and I always planned to treat them / pay for them as I was the only child yet to do so. Not that it matters but my DB actually offered to pay but I turned him down flat and insisted on paying myself; I was more than happy to pay for him just like he’s been more than happy to pay for me on several occasions before. I’m not sure why some of you think it’s so strange to buy your sibling a meal. As I said earlier, I haven’t been well recently and I was actually really grateful to not have to cook (it was too late for me to book anything myself) so like another poster said, it was actually win / win as I had an easier day and he didn’t lose his deposit. This thread isn’t about who paid or how much, I paid and I’m happy with that decision so I’m not sure why it’s a problem for some of you.

To the poster questioning my DB having a childfree day, please read my posts, SIL decided to go to her mother’s with the children as that’s what her mother wanted - the day with her own children and grandchildren, DB wasn’t invited.

As for going out later in the day, DB got back home before SIL and the kids did so I don’t think that’s the issue.

Also like I said in my OP, it’s a restaurant we all like and have been to several times before so it’s not the case of my DB suddenly deciding he doesn’t want to go again as he’s now been etc. They already have another reservation for 2 weeks time (DB rebooked for them before even asking me and my parents if we’d like to go). A deposit is only needed on days when demand outstrips supply so it’s not a case of needing to carry over the deposit, a deposit isn’t needed on a normal day. Regardless of DB rebooking, he would have lost his deposit as it would have been under 48hrs.

With regards to SIL secretly not liking me, I honestly thought we got on well and she’s never had a problem with me when I’ve been doing her books for free (I’m a former accountant). I’ve literally been working on the financial year end close for her business and she’s been nice as pie but I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue with that so good luck to her trying to find someone to take over at such short notice at one of the busiest times of year.

OP posts:
Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 19:49

KindOfKash · 31/03/2025 19:37

hmmmm - was he still expected to take SIL out? did she go to see her mum or were the kids just taken there.

Random question - does SIL have any siblings?

Show quote history

It's in the post you quoted 🤨

KindOfKash · 31/03/2025 19:52

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 19:49

It's in the post you quoted 🤨

Show quote history

Ta!! Yeah SIL is out of order there. I can't think of any sane rationale about responding like that. DB needs to have a word with her

Vitrolinsanity · 31/03/2025 19:54

First a £200 deposit for MD is not uncommon. It’s a big day for restaurants, which surely everyone in the UK can understand.

Second, yes, she is being a histrionic drama llama of epic proportions. I bet her day was shite.

Couldyounot · 31/03/2025 19:58

She's fucking nuts, quite apart from the rudeness

thepariscrimefiles · 31/03/2025 19:59

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 19:47

To be honest I am worried about my DB, if she can unleash this level of anger on us then I can only imagine what she’s like behind closed doors. That’s why I came here in the first place questioning myself; the level of her reaction was so strong that I needed to check I wasn’t missing anything just in case.

From what I can gather, SIL’s mother wasn’t happy from the very start as apart from her relationship issues that ended her holiday early, her son / SIL’s DB decided not to attend and instead opted to stick to the plans he already had with his wife (only her daughters and their kids attended) so things started off under a cloud right from the very beginning. That’s nothing to do with us though.

SIL knows I paid as she actually said it made my “ disgusting behaviour” even worse (see my second post).

To those questioning my DB, I don’t think there’s more to the story as SIL surely would have said if there was, either way that doesn’t explain her being angry with me and my parents for our “disgusting behaviour”.

For those questioning why I paid, please read the OP and my update. DB already took my parents out the week before and paid (along with my other siblings) and did gifts etc. He already had “Mother’s Day” with my mum. I was supposed to be the only child seeing my parents on the actual day and I always planned to treat them / pay for them as I was the only child yet to do so. Not that it matters but my DB actually offered to pay but I turned him down flat and insisted on paying myself; I was more than happy to pay for him just like he’s been more than happy to pay for me on several occasions before. I’m not sure why some of you think it’s so strange to buy your sibling a meal. As I said earlier, I haven’t been well recently and I was actually really grateful to not have to cook (it was too late for me to book anything myself) so like another poster said, it was actually win / win as I had an easier day and he didn’t lose his deposit. This thread isn’t about who paid or how much, I paid and I’m happy with that decision so I’m not sure why it’s a problem for some of you.

To the poster questioning my DB having a childfree day, please read my posts, SIL decided to go to her mother’s with the children as that’s what her mother wanted - the day with her own children and grandchildren, DB wasn’t invited.

As for going out later in the day, DB got back home before SIL and the kids did so I don’t think that’s the issue.

Also like I said in my OP, it’s a restaurant we all like and have been to several times before so it’s not the case of my DB suddenly deciding he doesn’t want to go again as he’s now been etc. They already have another reservation for 2 weeks time (DB rebooked for them before even asking me and my parents if we’d like to go). A deposit is only needed on days when demand outstrips supply so it’s not a case of needing to carry over the deposit, a deposit isn’t needed on a normal day. Regardless of DB rebooking, he would have lost his deposit as it would have been under 48hrs.

With regards to SIL secretly not liking me, I honestly thought we got on well and she’s never had a problem with me when I’ve been doing her books for free (I’m a former accountant). I’ve literally been working on the financial year end close for her business and she’s been nice as pie but I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue with that so good luck to her trying to find someone to take over at such short notice at one of the busiest times of year.

Did your SIL shout at you face to face, over the phone or did your brother tell you what she had said?

She sounds like she has lost the plot. None of this makes sense. Why does you paying for everyone make your 'disgusting' behaviour even worse? You had already planned to treat your parents so why does paying for your brother and returning his £200 deposit make things worse? Surely that's family money back in the family pot?

And as for her behaving like this when you have been working on her accounts for free, words fail me. I would stop speaking to her and would never help with her accounts again. She is a rude, ungrateful drama queen and I feel really sorry for your brother.

GameOfJones · 31/03/2025 20:03

Your SIL is a nasty cow. I'd actually be quite concerned about your DB. If she can behave like this to you I hate to think what she's like behind closed doors.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 31/03/2025 20:03

KindOfKash · 31/03/2025 19:37

hmmmm - was he still expected to take SIL out? did she go to see her mum or were the kids just taken there.

Random question - does SIL have any siblings?

Show quote history

The salient point here is that if they hadn’t gone out to eat DB would have lost a £200 deposit on the reservation. It was SiL’s choice to change her plans.

AluckyEllie · 31/03/2025 20:04

@FreakingOutRightNow123 please
reply and update when she realises you aren’t doing the books for her!! 😂😂😂

Chungai · 31/03/2025 20:05

I would reach out to your brother and offer him a listening ear. She sounds insane.

KindOfKash · 31/03/2025 20:06

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 31/03/2025 20:03

The salient point here is that if they hadn’t gone out to eat DB would have lost a £200 deposit on the reservation. It was SiL’s choice to change her plans.

Show quote history

Yeah for sure - just trying to work out if DB was meant to be around for anything specific - All round I do think SIL was out of order

Silvers11 · 31/03/2025 20:10

Cherrysoup · 31/03/2025 19:44

Yes, thank you, I managed to read that. That doesn't answer the question about if the table was presumably booked for the dc and did the mother who came back from holiday still want the grandchildren there?

Show quote history

Please click on see all against the OP's first post and you will get your questions answered. Is English not your first language, because it really is very clear from what happened in the OP's original post? She has also made more than one post. The poster you were being so snippy with was correct that the info you were asking was in the post you were quoting

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 20:11

SIL is awful! She rejected spending time with her husband and so wanted him to sit at home alone instead of seeing his own mother?!?

The ONLY thing to potentially be upset about is if he'd treated everyone and it meant family budget was impacted, but that money had already been spent (and you refunded it!) - I'd be more upset that it got lost or wasted.

Very kind of you to treat but your brother should have split it in my opinion btw (maybe he offered though).