First Mother’s Day - DH didn’t put anything on socials

[Genie98]

AIBU to be a bit gutted that my DH didn’t put a post up on socials yesterday to mark my first Mother’s Day? My feeds were full of other posts celebrating their Mum’s and I was hoping DH would have done something to mark the occasion. He has done the odd birthday post in the past and posted about our engagement/wedding etc so it’s not that he has never used it.

Just feeling a bit deflated and a bit jealous of my mum friends who had lovely messages and photo’s from their OH’s.

We’ve always said DC are having brick phones until what they’ll deem to be an embarrassing age but I think this thread is the greatest piece of evidence of why DH and I should try our hardest to stick to this (very aspirational) plan when DC are teens.

@Bestfootforward11 is right, @Genie98 - you can just opt out.

Social media validation can only matter to you if you let it. If you decide to stop letting it be the be-all and end-all, I think you will be happier.

Literally, no one except you will have noticed or care about this.

So you feel gutted that despite your DH buying you flowers and gifts, you didn’t get ‘oh babe that’s so cute ❤️’ type comments from random acquaintances on FB.

This thread gives the impression you’re more bothered about shallow attention and fake validation than real life love and affection- very sad indeed

Oh, please find your dignity @Genie98

You had a lovely real life Mother's Day.

The former of course - but the hoards of posts I saw yesterday prove it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

But it’s massive for people my age

Only for people who have nothing more interesting to do ...

I don’t understand your comments about “my age” and “my era”- unless you are literally 16 years old.

I’m in my 20’s, so is my husband, and I could not be arsed with this. Get a grip, please

I'm sure people won't be surprised not to see a post gushing over how amazing a mother you are. Not to be awful but 99% of people won't be looking for it, arnt interested or don't care.

It’s sad that this bothers you as it means you want approval from other people!

You do know social media isn’t real life don’t you!?

What age are you!? 🙄🤦‍♀️

Refreshingly, young people are seeing SM for what it is and wanting dumb phones and digital detoxes. It is nonsense about being a victim of one’s times, regardless of the OP’s age. I’ve not given a shit about it in my teens, twenties and now thirties.

Yet more poor advice

The OP, like anyone, can absolutely be anything she wants to be, she can feel how she wants to be.

Stop with this narrative that people are just victims of themselves to be swept along to be 'what you are', you choose what you are, make active choices to engage with the world differently

No one gets cancelled out of existence, because guess what? She exists. Shes not a pop star or actress who needs to stay 'relevant', she is a bog standard member of the public who needs to get on with her life and learn to prioritise properly.

That's exactly what sprung to mind with myself.. seems familiar

The only person that needs to hear or see a Mothers Day greeting is the mother in question. Doing it publicly makes it utterly performative and less personal and special. And it makes the day a living hell for a lot of other people.

DH is absolutely right and all the other people who make these posts are wrong.

She can like it and do it

What she cant expect is that her husband does it and she cannot read into his lack of wanting to do that as some sort of 'sign' that he doesnt care or she isnt important to him

Thats the problem here. That she believes that by putting some clicks on a post or making a post about someone is somehow indicative of her overall value to this person. That is shallow and dangerous in a relationship and really poor for her emotional stability.

Perhaps if you understood more how sinister this sort of practice is for people then you would understand why posters are telling her this.

There is enough evidence now about how the vacuous SM self is so empty now but full of anxiety and fear about 'how it looks' to be shutting this sort of debate down, not ramping up OP to tell her SM really is important for her.

It doesn't have to be one or the other, no, you can have both.

But what you're doing is asking your DH to do something he doesn't want to, just because your friends partners have done (or been guilted into it). You're asking him to be different to the person you presumably love.

Just to show off online to a bunch of strangers.

Central character syndrome

She's got it.

I think it depends on your friends as well. I would say the importance of recognition on SM is proportional to your education level with some exceptions ofcourse before somebody jump on me.

A lot of the people I know who post gushing messages on SM have shit relationships and are overcompensating.

I don't agree with the OP, I think social media is an insidious scourge which engenders behaviours and unreasonable expectations like this. OP isn't going to change her views based on the opinions of some random blowhards who are telling her how stupid she is, how pathetic, etc.

I can put myself in somebody else's shoes, not always, but with this, it's not difficult. It's every easy to be smug but for people who are hooked on social media and whose value is tied into it there's no meeting of minds and I imagine they tune out. Lecturing doesn't get it done. Still, everybody has an opinion and is free to share it.

You are not in a position to tell anybody else what to do, however hectoring your tone so maybe stop with that?

Give yourself a challenge- try to live in reality and not on social media. You were treated like a much appreciated mum. Many people would kill to be treated like you were for mothers day.

How old actually are you? My DDs are mid-20s and wouldn’t dream of posting anything like this on social media.

I always assume this is the case when I see this type of post.

My guess is you have a very dull and unexciting life and so you liven up on socials so people think your life is fabulous. Do you work OP?

I find it fascinating that you had a lovely day with your kids and then went to bed worried and annoyed that your followers would be disappointed there was no gushy post about you. Your poor kids.

Your attitude and self importance is laughable.