First Mother’s Day - DH didn’t put anything on socials

[Genie98]

AIBU to be a bit gutted that my DH didn’t put a post up on socials yesterday to mark my first Mother’s Day? My feeds were full of other posts celebrating their Mum’s and I was hoping DH would have done something to mark the occasion. He has done the odd birthday post in the past and posted about our engagement/wedding etc so it’s not that he has never used it.

Just feeling a bit deflated and a bit jealous of my mum friends who had lovely messages and photo’s from their OH’s.

Agreed but I'm the ridiculous one for pointing this out upthread

Did he treat you nicely in real life? That’s the main thing.

I hardly went on my socials yesterday because It’s all so fucking fake!

I honestly roll my eyes at these posts now - usually they are over compensating in some way. Prime example - my relative posted this WAY over the top post gushing about his mum. She’s all “oh my darling thank you 😭😭”

In reality he hasn’t been bothered to see her for weeks because - checks notes - some reason to do with his car and apparently there aren’t any buses (but there are). It’s awful showy fakeness and I can’t be doing with it.

Ffs why does everyone on SM need to know it’s your first Mother’s Day
and yes you are a bit entitled

Why did you feel gutted though? He showed you his appreciation and made an effort in person. That’s what’s important. Why does he have to publicly thank you for it to matter?

Sorry but it’s a bit pathetic to need public validation so that people you once went to school or worked with can see that he appreciates you. Work on being secure in yourself and your relationship without needing meaningless social media declarations.

Why??

I was taught not to show off at school so why are we told to do it on social media. It creates this awful competition - maybe your friend feels shit that her DH bought her a tiny bouquet and you feel shit because her DH posted about her - it’s a vicious cycle. And what does it achieve? Sorry on a rant now 🤣 I actually work in social media and enjoy it sometimes - but not this part.

It’s not a massive thing for people in your age group as I know people of all ages and they don’t post their lives on social media, it’s a massive thing for a certain group of people who feel the need to show every detail of their lives to others, usually all trying to out do each other in a look what I got post of some sort. As said before it’s cringy.

I put a nice photo on FB of my husband on Father’s Day last year with a message thanking him for impregnating me.
Be careful what you wish for.

Yes, it is. Someone in their fifties who is long-time married and never had social media to contend with is going to be pretty irrelevant in their judgement of someone who is bound up in the social media maelstrom.

OP has already said that she wishes she'd grown up when it wasn't a thing so we do know her approximate age range.

I can't think that people in a different age group posting their smug views on how it was for them is in any way helpful. It might make said-smug-poster feel uplifted which is probably why so many of them have posted.

I agree with PP that this is crazy ..... but then so are most of the posts regarding Mothers day. Should just cancel the bloody day.

I can’t believe this is a real thread - imagine this being your biggest worry/upset. You were celebrated in real life, stop worrying about your SM ego/image.

I'd cringe so badly if my partner did something like this. Why on earth would you want something like this on social media? When I see couples doing this sort of thing on social media, I tend to think they aren't that happy in real life.

If you feel that you're irrelevant on this thread, that's fine, don't post.

If we're going by the 98 in her name being her year of birth, I have many friends in her age group. I'm not massively outside of it.

People remember being her age. People know people of her age. Other ages are not irrelevant, they just have different experiences, expectations and perspectives. And those can be helpful.

It doesn't have to be your thing.

I can sit in any park, cafe or even my car just taking in the day and, somewhat a shame to say but it doesn't surprise me how many people I see lost in the world of their phones, be it they're in pairs, in groups or with DC, very rarely looking up.

Yes I'm of an older group that meets with friends to chat, all have phones but ultimately would never either be on them while chatting or put a post up that we had all met a drank coffee.

What a bewildering number of the posters on here seem not to have grasped, is that not everybody feels exactly the same as you!

It may not be commonplace in your friendship group to celebrate one's spouse on social media. Fine. Nobody cares or is criticising you because you don't do that.

But the poster and her friends and family clearly do. And why the fuck shouldn't they? Just because you don't, it's inherently wrong? Do you think this of all cultural practices that are not your own? Jesus, the spite and vile, just because this woman dares to like and value something you don't....

OP, I can't directly empathise, in the sense that I have never had a partner who was a great social media user so I have never been in a position where I have expected posts like that. (I do use social media myself and sometimes use it as a platform to express gratitude for my friends and family - my mom, for example, is a fan of a sentimental post, as surprisingly is my 95 year old dad, and if it makes them happy.....)

I am imagining you feel as I might feel if a partner forgot to get me a Valentines gift, for example. I would be a bit needled but the best thing is to talk to him, rather than letting resentment linger. He probably didn't realise it was something you valued so much.

And ignore the spiteful people on here. You are completely entitled to like stuff they don't.

I quite agree. Some of the stuff posted on facebook is banal and quite embarrassing! Your husband is obviously sensible in that regard.

The SM is all nonsense anyway. It’s not important. Some OTT post on an app - which do you want to see it or read it?
Your dh acknowledged you as a the mum of his baby with gifts, card, and a nice day together. Why isn’t that enough?

My dh doesn’t do SM at all - I’m glad tbh, I hate those kind of posts as I know they aren’t important at all.

Why not focus on the lovely day you had?

This. With bells on.

What is the world coming too? Self-absorbed, showy nonsense. For the sake of our children and future generations , I really hope social media dies off, it brings nothing good to the world. Why not enjoy reality, rather than live through a phone? Get a grip, OP.

How old are you?

So to be clear, if he'd have got you nothing, but plastered it all over socials, that would have been better? Can you not see how fucked up that is?

As I’m getting older I’m finding it more and more baffling as to why people are so desperate to paint a picture to the outside world, instead of just relishing in their actual happiness quietly.

I'll post where I like, thanks. You can too. I can still say that posts are irrelevant if I think they are, and I do. Hope that's clear.

I find this post so sad.
You have a beautiful baby, and a husband who loves you, who bought you flowers and chocolates, and arranged a lovely meal to celebrate you being a Mum. And yet it’s still not enough for you. Do you really need a public show to demonstrate to the world how lucky you are? No wonder so many young people suffer with poor mental health if they strive so hard to turn joy into misery.

So in your opinion, people should only take the advice of people their own age?

Because other people of different ages experience and perspectives are irrelevant?