Little boy wanting to be a girl

Harrietspinelli · 2025-03-31T09:50:23+00:00

My son is 5 years old and we are currently waiting for an ASD assessment. He is brilliantly bright and outgoing - he loves playing with all things from cars to dollies but his favourite is anything to do with letters and numbers. Recently since starting school, he’s been saying that he wants to be a girl. It started with him having a dream that this happened to all the boys in his class by magic. I just told him lots of magical things happen in dreams but not in real life but he keeps mentioning it. It’s really hard to strike a balance with him because if you ignore to much it makes something more intriguing, but if you talk about something too much he can get obsessive over it. I know he’s only 5 but it just feels scary. Like what if he goes to school and they encourage it. I’ve read about how autistic children are so vulnerable to this type of ideology online. AIBU to be this worried? Any advice, comfort or similar stories would help x

Needmorelego · 31/03/2025 10:55

The "happened by magic" thing makes me wonder if the class has been reading "Bill's New Frock" by Anne Fine.
Which ISN'T a book about transgender btw.

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

TinyLittleLion · 31/03/2025 10:58

I mean he’s five, where would he have got the idea online from or at all?

I don’t really know at 5 how he’d be a girl but if he wants to play with “girl” toys then cool, just keep reminding him he’s a boy or “that’s nice dear, I wish I was a princess” or whatever and change the subject.

A lot of trans people say they knew young so it could go either way really especially since he’s potentially autistic but I would just encourage him to be himself, it seems like he’s just got caught up in a dream and will eventually move on tbh.

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 10:59

Needmorelego · 31/03/2025 10:55

The "happened by magic" thing makes me wonder if the class has been reading "Bill's New Frock" by Anne Fine.
Which ISN'T a book about transgender btw.

Thanks for the response and I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll ask his teacher. But then I don’t know if I want to bring it up with the school in case they make a bigger deal than necessary…

I have also just had a baby girl who’s had her first birthday - loads of attention etc.

I guess my concern is that this type of idea for children can pop up anywhere but with his ASD I’m worried it will become a fixation.

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JLou08 · 31/03/2025 10:59

My DS wanted to be a superhero when he was 5. He grew out if it. I wouldn't worry.

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:01

At 5 his imagination will take him all sorts of places and he'll be getting influences from everywhere.

If this is genuine I don't see how you're worried about influences from online at 5 though, or why you think his school will push this idea

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:01

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

This is comforting - I’ll definitely ask him what he wants that he thinks girls have.

I bet he’ll want to grow his hair which is not great with the current outbreak of nits in his class!

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Codlingmoths · 31/03/2025 11:02

I’d say what do girls do? Is it clothes? Can I tell you a secret? Anyone can wear clothes, would you like us to get you some different ones? And support the things he likes doing, without saying now he’s a girl.

BarnacleBeasley · 31/03/2025 11:02

My pre-school aged son has wanted to be a girl for ages (I think because he knows more girls and they have better clothes and hair) but he's changing his mind now as he's recently found out that only boys can grow moustaches and beards.

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:03

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:01

At 5 his imagination will take him all sorts of places and he'll be getting influences from everywhere.

If this is genuine I don't see how you're worried about influences from online at 5 though, or why you think his school will push this idea

It’s not that he’ll be on the internet now - it’s more just that if it’s an idea that he carries through to adolescence there’s lots of online groups that attract autistic teenagers.

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pizzaHeart · 31/03/2025 11:04

ConiferBat · 31/03/2025 10:58

At 5 his only experience of the difference between boys & girls is how his friends parents dress them and the games they play.

I would find out what he thinks a girl can do that he would like to do & let him do those things. No fuss.

FWIW - I had an Ana & Elsa (both male) wandering around my living room for quite some time, a tutu & pink unicorn slippers are still in the dressing up bag & eldest still likes a bit of nail varnish & his long hair. They are both happy sporty, boys who have never again mentioned wanting to be a girl & (to my satisfaction) have friendships with classmates of both sexes.

I think this is the best approach.

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:06

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:03

It’s not that he’ll be on the internet now - it’s more just that if it’s an idea that he carries through to adolescence there’s lots of online groups that attract autistic teenagers.

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You seem very convinced that he's already made his mind up, he's only 5 they change their mind on everything all the time

jellyfishperiwinkle · 31/03/2025 11:06

Get him plenty of traditionally "girl's" toys as well as boys and let him dress up as a princess or whatever - I think it's really important for boys to be able to play with dolls and do gentle role play and make believe games. I never let DDs feel restricted in what they could do - would never say "You can't do that because you're a girl" etc and if I'd had boys I'd have taken the same approach.

MrsPinkSky · 31/03/2025 11:08

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:03

It’s not that he’ll be on the internet now - it’s more just that if it’s an idea that he carries through to adolescence there’s lots of online groups that attract autistic teenagers.

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You're overthinking it.

I wanted to be a donkey working on Blackpool beach when I was 5 but by the time I was 7, I wanted to be Noddy.

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:08

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:06

You seem very convinced that he's already made his mind up, he's only 5 they change their mind on everything all the time

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Yeah I get that my fear’s probably irrational - but with kids like my son, it’s so easy to say the wrong thing and make an idea stick. Like I once told him a story about a friendly goose and he became so obsessed with geese that I couldn’t take him to a pond without him trying to run towards them…for a year!!!

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BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:09

MrsPinkSky · 31/03/2025 11:08

You're overthinking it.

I wanted to be a donkey working on Blackpool beach when I was 5 but by the time I was 7, I wanted to be Noddy.

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Did either of your dreams come true?!

Mischance · 31/03/2025 11:10

I have 3 ADs. They all wanted to be boys at some point. Now happily married with loads of children.

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:10

MrsPinkSky · 31/03/2025 11:08

You're overthinking it.

I wanted to be a donkey working on Blackpool beach when I was 5 but by the time I was 7, I wanted to be Noddy.

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🤣 I’m glad you matured. Being a donkey on a beach would be rough. I’d rather cruise around with big ears any day!

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MrsPinkSky · 31/03/2025 11:11

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:09

Did either of your dreams come true?!

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Sadly not but it didn't ruin my life! 🤣

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 31/03/2025 11:11

JLou08 · 31/03/2025 10:59

My DS wanted to be a superhero when he was 5. He grew out if it. I wouldn't worry.

However your child didn’t have somebody telling him he was a super hero and encouraging him to dress like one and change his name and to think he was born in the wrong body and so was able to just free out of it without outside interference

MrsPinkSky · 31/03/2025 11:12

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:08

Yeah I get that my fear’s probably irrational - but with kids like my son, it’s so easy to say the wrong thing and make an idea stick. Like I once told him a story about a friendly goose and he became so obsessed with geese that I couldn’t take him to a pond without him trying to run towards them…for a year!!!

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In all seriousness, this is exactly the sort of thing kids do.

It doesn't last and it doesn't matter.

BallerinaRadio · 31/03/2025 11:13

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 31/03/2025 11:11

However your child didn’t have somebody telling him he was a super hero and encouraging him to dress like one and change his name and to think he was born in the wrong body and so was able to just free out of it without outside interference

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And it begins... 🙄

Whooowhooohoo · 31/03/2025 11:15

Tell child that there no such thing as magic. Even if this leads to no father Xmas, no tooth fairy.etc

My NT boy thought my friend’s lovely dog might wish for my son for Xmas. My boy thought that father Xmas would scoop him up and deliver him to NZ where he met this dog.
He literally lost sleep over this for a few months.

No such thing as magic!! It’s huge theme in kids books & films. Be sure he knows nothing magic will happen to him ever.

Original poster

Harrietspinelli · 31/03/2025 11:16

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 31/03/2025 11:11

However your child didn’t have somebody telling him he was a super hero and encouraging him to dress like one and change his name and to think he was born in the wrong body and so was able to just free out of it without outside interference

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I guess this is my concern too. What if he asks his teachers the same thing and they tell him that some people do change from boys to girls…

I think I might speak with his teacher and just say if he mentions it to be vague. I have no idea what their response would be. It would probably just depend on which teacher he asks

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frenchnoodle · 31/03/2025 11:17

I was in the same position a few years ago with my youngest.
Lots of good advice from the thread back then you may also find helpful.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/lgbtchildren/4716636-5-year-old-saying-hes-a-girl

It's definitely a phase, a very long one. Now at 7 he knows he's a boy but still loves "pretty things".

Try not to worry too much about school.

5 year old saying he's a girl? | Mumsnet

How best to deal with this, it is happening at home at school and started roughly 4 months ago, maybe a bit longer and at first everyone school includ...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/lgbt_children/4716636-5-year-old-saying-hes-a-girl