Page 6 | Little boy wanting to be a girl

Harrietspinelli · 2025-03-31T09:50:23+00:00

My son is 5 years old and we are currently waiting for an ASD assessment. He is brilliantly bright and outgoing - he loves playing with all things from cars to dollies but his favourite is anything to do with letters and numbers. Recently since starting school, he’s been saying that he wants to be a girl. It started with him having a dream that this happened to all the boys in his class by magic. I just told him lots of magical things happen in dreams but not in real life but he keeps mentioning it. It’s really hard to strike a balance with him because if you ignore to much it makes something more intriguing, but if you talk about something too much he can get obsessive over it. I know he’s only 5 but it just feels scary. Like what if he goes to school and they encourage it. I’ve read about how autistic children are so vulnerable to this type of ideology online. AIBU to be this worried? Any advice, comfort or similar stories would help x

LookingAtMyBhunas · 01/04/2025 20:18

Still waiting for @CosyLemur to provide their source....

TheKeatingFive · 01/04/2025 20:40

LookingAtMyBhunas · 01/04/2025 20:18

Still waiting for @CosyLemur to provide their source....

We could be waiting a long time

WheresWeirdo · 01/04/2025 20:53

TheKeatingFive · 01/04/2025 14:24

but interestingly when tested their hormones more often aline with the gender they feel they are rather than their assigned at birth gender.

This doesn't make any sense whatsoever

Show quote history

If that was true there would be higher than average rates of trans and non binary in the PCOS community. There is certainly a link to PCOS and having a child on the autism spectrum but as far as I know gender identity and PCOS has no higher correlation than in communities of women without PCOS.

Littlejellyuk · 02/04/2025 19:18

My son was jealous of our dog. He decided he wanted to be a dog. He was 4. It didn't last long.
He now likes being a boy and is obsessed with the colour green. Hes nearly 6.
It might just be a phase for you LO as he has a new sibling Maybe?

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:24

@TheKeatingFive Re: 'you think gender is more important than sex'. If a woman chooses to use her husband's surname after marriage and I also use it when I'm referring to her, is it an indication of my support for the patriarchy?

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:31

I suspect there are very very few children who have entrenched gender dysphoria, who transition in adolescence or adulthood. But there's not none. And for those who exist - it's really hard to imagine what their relationships with their parents would be like if their parents were like the many people on mumsnet who have an ideological fixation on this issue. The obsessive preoccupation with transgender women - the constant displays of absolute contempt for them. I find it shocking.

TheKeatingFive · 03/04/2025 14:43

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:24

@TheKeatingFive Re: 'you think gender is more important than sex'. If a woman chooses to use her husband's surname after marriage and I also use it when I'm referring to her, is it an indication of my support for the patriarchy?

That's an entirely separate question which would depend on lots of factors. What's the relevance to this point?

TheKeatingFive · 03/04/2025 14:45

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:31

I suspect there are very very few children who have entrenched gender dysphoria, who transition in adolescence or adulthood. But there's not none. And for those who exist - it's really hard to imagine what their relationships with their parents would be like if their parents were like the many people on mumsnet who have an ideological fixation on this issue. The obsessive preoccupation with transgender women - the constant displays of absolute contempt for them. I find it shocking.

If I had a gender non-conforming child I would reassure them in the strongest possible terms that there is no 'right' way to be a male or female, encourage them to express themselves as they feel fit and emphasise that their body is perfect just the way it is. Is that 'contempt' in your eyes?

PeekabooRoots · 03/04/2025 20:16

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:31

I suspect there are very very few children who have entrenched gender dysphoria, who transition in adolescence or adulthood. But there's not none. And for those who exist - it's really hard to imagine what their relationships with their parents would be like if their parents were like the many people on mumsnet who have an ideological fixation on this issue. The obsessive preoccupation with transgender women - the constant displays of absolute contempt for them. I find it shocking.

It’s interesting that you mention the impact of parental impact on the decision of adults to take hormones and surgery to alter their appearance to that of the opposite sex.

It has been reported/observed many times - (including with some quite high profile trans people) that homophobic parents and their behaviour are far more likely to end up with children who identify as the opposite sex. It has been cited as a major concern by the clinicians at the Tavistock - they called it ‘transing away the gay’.

It is concerning that you refer to parents seeking to safeguard their child as having an ‘idealogical fixation’ but thankfully more people are waking up to the harms caused and don’t share your view.

ExtraordinaryMachine1 · 04/04/2025 07:07

OP, you've had such great advice here. Just a few things to add:

It would be worth ordering a copy of My Body Is Me. I often recommend this, but am in no way linked to the author and illustrator - I just think it's a great book, and sounds like exactly what you need. It's got lots of positive messages about individuality, it'll be perfect. If you're feeling brave, one copy for you and one for school? "Oops, I bought two, would you like it?". I think there's great power in being able to refer back to a text from a decent picture book; they hold great truths simply put.

Personally, I feel like there's a heck of a lot of luck involved in whether your child gets swayed by gender ideology. My three children sit at the full range of kool-aid, and my husband and I have always done pretty well by stereotypes; yes he's earned all the money, but I've done all the DIY, don't know one end of a make-up brush from the other (well, I assume you use the fluffy end because the pokey end would look like you had chicken pox), and have a sporting hobby that is hugely male-dominated. I reckon this craze will have passed by the time your children are old enough to really worry about it - so try not to let it get to you. Nothing a teen likes more than rebelling against parents' special interest...

and an odd thing: my son with ASD and ADHD really really doesn't like birthdays. Mainly others, but his too. I've only recently realised this, and he's nearly 20! I mention this because we've had to take some fairly sudden and drastic action to avoid him being at my younger kids' birthday parties over the years. So if your son is anything like mine was at the same age, then this phase is absolutely linked to your daughter's recent birthday and probably not related to anything else at all.

All best wishes OP!

MrsOvertonsWindow · 04/04/2025 07:25

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:31

I suspect there are very very few children who have entrenched gender dysphoria, who transition in adolescence or adulthood. But there's not none. And for those who exist - it's really hard to imagine what their relationships with their parents would be like if their parents were like the many people on mumsnet who have an ideological fixation on this issue. The obsessive preoccupation with transgender women - the constant displays of absolute contempt for them. I find it shocking.

No child is born in the wrong body. This is a thread about a 5 year old boy where the OP has received lots of informed, sensitive, age appropriate advice about responding supportively to him and ensuring he's safeguarded should there be any adult transactivists in his school breaching safeguarding and other guidelines designed to keep children safe.

Suggesting that this shows an obsessive preoccupation with transwomen suggests you may not have read the actual thread.

frenchnoodle · 04/04/2025 10:11

Sabire9 · 03/04/2025 12:31

I suspect there are very very few children who have entrenched gender dysphoria, who transition in adolescence or adulthood. But there's not none. And for those who exist - it's really hard to imagine what their relationships with their parents would be like if their parents were like the many people on mumsnet who have an ideological fixation on this issue. The obsessive preoccupation with transgender women - the constant displays of absolute contempt for them. I find it shocking.

Give it a rest, you've been replying repeatedly to posts without even reading them through the whole thread, for at least three days now.

Including one about my son, you didn't read any part of it asked me "For all children? For most children?" Because all you scanned was "it's a phase."

If you'd have taken the time to read you would have known which child.

The last thing needed on a thread like this is someone trying to start arguments.

Sabire9 · 07/04/2025 23:17

@frenchnoodle

"Give it a rest, you've been replying repeatedly to posts without even reading them through the whole thread, for at least three days now."

I've posted 5 times on a long thread over the course of a day.

You could just ignore my posts. Why don't you? Why do you feel compelled to tell me I shouldn't post? What gives you the right to advise me how or whether to comment on a thread?