How much do I owe ex?

[Dumpedonmotheraday]

My partner of seven years ended our relationship today. We weren’t married and have no children together, but he has been an excellent step-parent to my three kids and I am heartbroken. When we met, he had been made redundant and as a result had 5 figure debts. Over the years, he since built a successful career, paid off his debts, and gained a degree, while I also progressed in my career and completed a master’s degree. He also inherited £20k, which he spent on a holiday—none of it came my way.

We are now struggling to reach a fair financial separation. He moved into my home in 2021, at which point I had already paid off nearly half of my mortgage. Initially, he paid £425 a month (which included bills), this later increased to £600 in 2022. About 20 months ago, when my mortgage was half paid off, he took over the £1k monthly mortgage payments and continued to pay around £400 towards bills. I paid for the big grocery shops.

Now, he’s asking for this £20k back, saying that’s what he has contributed to the mortgage. We never had a legal agreement in place, as neither of us wanted to spend money on lawyers. I want to do the morally right thing.

what do I owe him? I will have to sell up either way.

I didn’t say that. I was responding to another poster who did.

He was lodging in your home. He paid you rent. I would be giving him absolutely nothing.

And if you say. Ok - sue me. See how far he’d get 🤣

Why would you charge your partner rent???? Because no one likes a cocklodger .

Of course you would charge a partner rent. Why on earth wouldn’t you? I paid rent when I moved into my boyfriend’s house, didn’t even occur to me to freeload off him. I had to pay rent somewhere.

Work out how much he would have paid to live in a suitable rental place for his life had he not been with you. Round my way a 2-bed house with garden is £1200 per month, or was a year ago or so. So, multiply that by 12 for however many years he lived with you. Then subtract the amount he did pay you, and one of you may owe the other some money.

eg 1200 x 12 x 5 = 72000

That’s what he would have paid in this area at market rate for a 2-bed house.

if he paid 425 for 2 years that’s £10,200. 600/month for 2 years is £14,400.
£1400 for a year is £16,800
total £42,400

so he owes you £30,000.

Zero. People have to pay for housing, via rent or mortgage. He paid his living expenses. He doesn’t get those refunded just because he ended a relationship.

can I ask my landlord to refund the rent I paid while married to my XH?

He live nearly free of charge in your home while he paid off a five figure debt. Don’t give him any for your and DC’s money.

Calculate the going rate from.the day he moved in. When he was on his uppers and was helped. If you owe him the difference then fine, if he owes you, tell him what he owes.

He's trying it on.

Absolutely nothing. He was just paying rent to you. Selling your kids house for him? Are you insane?

nothing - you are not married ZERO!!

also - would he be living rent free elsewhere if he was not with you??? nope - so dont be bullied into giving him anything!

I do agree that OP shouldn’t give him anything but, all the people who are saying “he was paying rent” shouldn’t the OP have declared rental income and paid income tax on it?

If you’ve paid off half your mortgage, could you extend the term to make your monthly payments less.

Morally you don’t owe him anything. You supported him when he was broke which enabled him to get where he is now. He owes you a thank you.

In a years time you won’t even know this man and will never speak to him again. Don’t have misguide loyalty - this is your children’s money and futures.

Give him nothing unless you have something signed and witnessed to that effect. You owe him f-all from what I can see.

Hang on to your house even if means taking a lodger. Move when you feel ready to move but not because of this man. It is your home and your children's home!

Good luck.

The average pcm payment he's made is approx £850 over the last 4 yrs, that's a cheap rental price. Wave him goodbye👋

Whatever you do don’t make any rash decision or send any money his way until you have properly thought this through.

You legally owe him absolutely nothing and morally I’d say a token amount if anything.

I’d keep it simple and calculate from when he first started making the “mortgage” payments 20 months ago as up to then he was paying rent/bills at £425/£600. (Which less face it were not mortgage payments as he did not directly pay the mortgage and his name is not on the mortgage).

Let’s say the rent/bills would have been £700 per month (costs have increased in the last 20 months). He’s been paying £1,400. However, you have also paid for all of the food shopping - lets say £50 a week easily for his groceries - so £200 per month.

So £1,400 - £700 rent - £200 groceries =£500 “over payment” from him. So I’d say it would be fair to return £10k.

Having said that, I would say this is generous as he has previously benefitted from living with you very cheaply at £425 rent and bills and has managed to pay off his debts.

He has ended the relationship and your priority needs to be your children - not trying to find money to “buy him out” of a property that he has no legally no rights to.

@Dumpedonmotheraday ive read all your updates . I wouldn’t pay a penny to him. .
I really wouldn’t as nobody gets to live for free.
He paid lower amounts when he struggled and life was cheaper and then he stepped up and paid more when life got more expensive and he was on his feet.

It’s all balanced out . He is due nothing.

Do not give this man a penny !

There was never any intention for him to have an interest in the house. It’s foolish to have let him make contributions to the mortgage and not have his contributions as towards expenses of living with you. Any cohabiting agreement would be clear on that. He’s never going to afford to pay the cost of claiming anything. Neither has he put in any capital. He’s not an owner by paying money to you.

Utterly irrelevant.

No a judge wouldn’t

I’d argue that you’d been subbing him for years so the higher payments balanced it out. I’d tell him you don’t owe him anything. Consider whether remortgaging may make the house more affordable. I extended the mortgage to 67 which brought the price much lower.

If you go 50/50 on bills, what financial loss would your boyfriend incur as a result of you moving in?

What is the rental payment covering?

The money he gave you was for bills and his rent.

You were not married so this is not considered a matrimonial asset. You don’t owe him anything.

The house is your children’s inheritance. He has no legal claim on it. He has lived there and has paid to live there as he should.