How much do I owe ex?

[Dumpedonmotheraday]

My partner of seven years ended our relationship today. We weren’t married and have no children together, but he has been an excellent step-parent to my three kids and I am heartbroken. When we met, he had been made redundant and as a result had 5 figure debts. Over the years, he since built a successful career, paid off his debts, and gained a degree, while I also progressed in my career and completed a master’s degree. He also inherited £20k, which he spent on a holiday—none of it came my way.

We are now struggling to reach a fair financial separation. He moved into my home in 2021, at which point I had already paid off nearly half of my mortgage. Initially, he paid £425 a month (which included bills), this later increased to £600 in 2022. About 20 months ago, when my mortgage was half paid off, he took over the £1k monthly mortgage payments and continued to pay around £400 towards bills. I paid for the big grocery shops.

Now, he’s asking for this £20k back, saying that’s what he has contributed to the mortgage. We never had a legal agreement in place, as neither of us wanted to spend money on lawyers. I want to do the morally right thing.

what do I owe him? I will have to sell up either way.

You owe him nothing. He paid you rent. If you pay rent, you get accommodation but nothing when you decide to leave. Do not give him any money.

He did pay her rent.
She owes him nothing.

Unless OP has a rent book showing he has paid 'rent' then there would be an 'assumption' legally that he was paying towards the mortgage and legally he will have a financial claim, anyone who thinks otherwise is, in my opinion, financially naive.

Legally, a lodger is entitled to nothing, regardless of whether you are having sex or not.

It would be the same if he was a woman. If you pay rent, you don't get a wad of cash when you split up.

It's rent without a contract. He wasn't paying rent with an assumption of cashback when he split up with his girlfriend.

Wow, the MRA's may see James Bond when they look in the mirror, but secret agents they ain't!😅

Contact a solicitor, but in short if you are not married and the property is solely in your name then you’ve no obligation to him (I think it might be different in Scotland).

It doesn’t make any sense for him to get a refund on payments he made, he got use from those payments - a place to live.

https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN03372/SN03372.pdf

This is a good guide to the legal rights of cohabiting couples.

Don't forget about all the time you supported him when he was in debt! Seems like he has forgotten about that period so he might need a reminder.

@Dumpedonmotheraday please don't give him anything. I know you want to do what is morally right. I'm like you; I like to be able to look myself in the mirror. But objectively if all what you said is correct you owe him nothing. Your money is yours and think about your DC before he guilts you into giving him something. 💗

Moraly I don't think you owe him anything unless you all benefited from the 20k holiday, then perhaps give him something back for that.
As to the expenses he paid towards household costs including the mortgage, that covers what he would have been paying in rent elsewhere along with bills and food.
You say you can't afford to keep the property as your children are now costing you more. Reign it in with your children, tell them its more important to keep a roof over your head than have the latest gadgets/trainers etc.
Makes no sense to sell your property when the mortgage is half paid off and have to pay rent elsewhere to a landlord.
Has your now ex partner been moraly upfront with you about the break up?

This advice is incorrect. An unmarried partner who makes mortgage payments can build up an interest in the property under a constructive trust. This has been re-confirmed in many judgments. However, had he not been living with you, he would have had to pay rent. You need to see a family lawyer to understand your position better in order to make him a fair offer.

Could mediation services help? Not with the break-up but with splitting the finances?

Someone can build up a beneficial interest but from what I have seen the cases usually involve people who have bought a property together and although the mortgage is in one name (for some reason such as bad credit), the other person has worked, contributed to mortgage and invested on the property under the implicit/explicit understanding between them was that the property was joint. Maybe he could argue it in this situation but there was does not seem to any indication that when he moved in the OP intended to give him a beneficial right. He was just a cohabiting lodger in effect. He didn’t put any capital into the building, he didn’t spend hours renovating the property himself, he didn’t do anything over and above just being a lodger in her house. He just paid a reasonable amount towards expenses which he would have had to have done elsewhere. A quick trip for a consultation to a solicitor should clear it up. I genuinely don’t see why the OP should put him into a better position that he would have been had he been renting elsewhere..

You can 100% obtain an interest in a property by making mortgage payments towards it. The legal owner’s intention as to whether that should be the case is irrelevant.

Are you married? If not and living in England, wave him goodbye, good luck and wish him well. If cohabitating as far as I’m aware no official rights so good luck to him if he wants some dosh. Even if he sends threatening solicitors letters remember they are just letters and nothing more. From what I’ve read, it’s v difficult to get any financial settlement in England if cohabiting.

If I were you I’d get him to move out before you tell him he will get 0.

The Court of Appeal set out what must be proved to gain a beneficial interest and the trust quoted by @Elektra1. It’s a fairly high bar and is often not proved. There had to be sufficient conduct to infer the property has to be shared in some way or money paid over. That’s open to interpretation but the higher payment put into the bank account of OP for 2 out of 7 years, (not directly to the mortgage company), the intention of the OP to keep a home for her DC, the legal ownership of the house and no building or maintenance paid for by her ex lead me to think he’s clutching at straws.

@Elektra1 Her intentions are not irrelevant. She could have agreed that he was building up an interest. She didn’t. He paid money to her for a short time but not to the mortgage company. She also has a position to defend if it ever got to court. Which it won’t.

We can agree to disagree. The law says that demonstrating a common intention to share may be decisive, but it is not an essential requirement.

@Elektra1 I know there doesn’t need to be an agreement to share and it’s not essential but the background to this claim makes me think it’s futile. If I was OP I would see a family solicitor but they too will be looking at probability. The big message here, is get a cohabiting agreement in place!

An intention to share can be inferred from the cohabitee making mortgage payments. This was an example of what would be considered conduct in one of the links I posted. I suspect OP's reliance on these payments to afford to stay in the house might also be taken into consideration.

It's a high bar, I agree, but still something to be taken seriously.

As I said to see a solicitor @Jaehee, I agree. However in the overall picture, it’s not been a long lasting or substantial commitment to paying for anything to do with the house. It was 2 years. If these two were married each would walk away with what they went in with! He’s not maintained the house or paid directly for the mortgage. The OP received a contribution towards living expenses but it was not directly paying the mortgage. He can challenge this but success is another matter. Whether she will be advised to give him a severance payment with a legal agreement saying “full and final”
is another matter. In my view, paying a pittance for 5 years is more persuasive, as is her intention to house her family.

Again, not sure why you're arguing with me, I'm just passing on information.

Zero

I also suggested that the OP should consult a family solicitor. I am a litigation solicitor, not a family one. However the principles underlying various forms of trusts are also relevant in general civil litigation and I do not think the position is as straightforward as “he’s not entitled to anything”. A lot of money could be wasted on legal costs if he were to make a claim, so the OP would be well advised to take independent legal advice and then make him a fair offer based on that advice .

He’s not legally entitled. He can claim. Not quite the same thing. Then it’s probability of the claim being successful and the money he’s going to throw at it. It’s complex though so expert advice is necessary.