Husband getting married

[Grassisalotgreener]

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP - look after yourself first and foremost. If this man will threaten you or be violent towards you if you make it known that he's still married to you then keep quiet.

If he attempts to contract a legal marriage with another person while still married, he'll be committing (attempted) bigamy. That's on him. If they're just having some non-legal commitment ceremony, it's not a marriage.

If he's a threat to you physically, then you're right to be cautious.

I'd see whether you can check if he's filed for divorce and not told you? He might well enjoy the knowledge that you don't know as well as expecting you to make a fool of yourself highlighting you're still married when he's gone ahead and divorced you.

Years ago I worked with a lady whose "husband" had conveniently forgotten to divorce his first wife before he married her. It came out a few years later (I think the first wife found out and told the police).

He was charged and found guilty of bigamy. His defence was he thought he was divorced as they'd got as far as the decreee nisi but they never completed the decree absolute. Lady I worked with was utterly devastated by the whole thing. She was incredibly religious and it effectively meant their child had been born outside of marriage (though she was OK with marrying a divorcé...) They had to have another quick wedding ceremony when the divorce was actually finalised to "remarry".

Yeah, I thought after 6 years but there is some sort of paperwork to do, still. Not sure!

Isn’t in possible to get divorced without the other person’s consent now? So, it is possible that he has divorced you but you weren’t sent any papers to sign….

This is very odd

do you by any chance receive spousal maintenance from him?

Report him to the police if he goes through with the wedding. It's a criminal offence.

If you are in Northern Ireland, get on the phone tomorrow morning to GRONI.

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/contacts/general-register-office-northern-ireland

If there has been a divorce, these are the people who will know. If you are in the Republic, slightly more complex as there is no central register of divorces but you can contact the authorities here: https://www.gov.ie/en/organisation-information/143f25-about-the-general-register-office/

Finding it really scary that there are people on this thread who really think that when you've been separated for X number of years, that's the same as being divorced! Obviously you cannot go through a legal marriage when you are already married. You can have a fakey commitment ceremony or blessing or whatever but with no legal standing.

You don’t need to be divorced to stop using his name.

Could he have divorced you without your knowledge by claiming he didn't know your whereabouts?

Your adult children seem to be singularly disinterested with their father remarrying despite being married to their mother

which leads me to believe it is a commitment ceremony

more to the point why do you care if you’re “blamed”. Not like you continue to have anything to do with this man emotionally or financially or childcare related

What is this "archaic rule" that ties you to him?

Why would he do that

the op here appears to want to get divorced

but I’m starting to wonder…

Spousal maintenance I reckon that he continues to have to pay to the op

Wouldn't that depend on the ceremony and/or status of the registrar/celebrant?

To be divorced through lack of contact? I'm not sure if it's as simple as that - no Christmas cards for 7 years sort of thing.

The assumption is that the other partner is dead and that's why there's been no contact? don't you have to do searches/swear oaths etc.

But he knows you are still around - he's in contact with your/his children.

Really? Don't they have to do the bans or something? Wouldn't there be a question about being free to marry when arranging the wedding?

So the old rules meant that you could divorce after 2 years seperation if both parties agree. If not then after 5 years seperation one party can divorce the other without their consent. That my be what you are thinking of.

But a divorce with decrees Nisi and Absolute does still need to be done and will usually take several months even without property, finances or kids to wrangle over.

@Grassisalotgreener I am petty and I wouldnt say anything just yet. I would wait until he was married and then report him for bigamy but my ex was an abusive violent bastard too so I have no guilt in serving up a nice big dollop of "fuck you" if I can.

As others have said, not in England and Wales. Ex and I had to have a register office ceremony alongside our humanist ceremony.

In Northern Ireland, it is not possible to get divorced entirely without the other party knowing. The divorce process requires that the respondent (the other spouse) is served with the divorce petition. If the respondent cannot be located, the petitioner can apply to the court for alternative methods of service, such as substituted service or dispensing with service, but the court must be satisfied that reasonable efforts have been made to notify the other party.
To check if you are divorced, you can request a copy of the decree absolute from the court where the divorce was granted. If you do not know the court or case details, you can contact the Royal Courts of Justice in Belfast or the relevant court office to conduct a search. You may need to provide personal details and pay a fee for the search.

Just seen you said you were in Ireland... I wonder is it a handfasting ceremony? I know someone else who did this because she was still legally married.

Wouldn't that depend on the ceremony and/or status of the registrar/celebrant?

The celebrant has to be officially licenced as a celebrant- not all are, even in Scotland, but if the celebrant is licenced and in Scotland or NI the marriage is legal.

They probably assume he is divorced. it has been 13 years.

Inform the registrar?

Secular ceremonies are legal in the Republic of Ireland. The OP hasn't specified if she's in NI or the Republic but both recognise humanist ceremonies as long as the celebrant is officially permitted to conduct marriages.