Page 4 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

MyDeftDuck · 30/03/2025 16:51

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

Not so!

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:52

FineKnacksForLadies · 30/03/2025 16:41

Hello, friendly vicar here. We definitely do ask to see decree absolute before reading banns, where someone has been married before, but if they lie to us and simply say they’ve never been married, we would have no way of knowing they were lying, and obviously wouldn’t ask to see a decree absolute for a marriage we didn’t know existed! I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. A good priest or registrar should offer you some support through this too.

Thankyou! Appreciate that. It was hard hearing that today as i was expecting divorce papers all last year and never received them.
Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

OP posts:

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 16:53

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

No, not true.

Aposterhasnoname · 30/03/2025 16:54

If he’s invited his children then they’ll obviously know where it is. So contact the venue and tell them.

DecafDodger · 30/03/2025 16:55

have your children received invitations or similar with more details? Really odd to be invited last minute, surely even a registry office ceremony is planned more than a few days in advance.

Groundhogday2025 · 30/03/2025 16:55

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 30/03/2025 16:49

Is it possible for him to have divorced you and it has gone through because you didn't respond to any of the court papers e.g. did he put an incorrect address or something? I have no idea how you would check to see if there is a decree absolute with your name on it though!
I would report it to your local registrar's office, take your marriage certificate and any other information that you have about him, and tell them what you've learned. You might find that the notice of intended marriage is displayed outside or in the window, if he lives in the same area. If you've done this, I think you've done all you can.

I agree with all this. You said you were expecting divorce paperwork all last year, maybe you had it but weren’t aware. Go to your registrar with your wedding certificate and have it checked.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 16:56

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:52

Thankyou! Appreciate that. It was hard hearing that today as i was expecting divorce papers all last year and never received them.
Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

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Why don't you initiate it yourself? Since you've been apart for so long it'll just be a formality. Also, go back to your previous name now! Since it's already your name there's no formality - you just start using it. You might have to provide your birth certificate to your bank.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 16:58

It will be a commitment ceremony
nothing more
will your children be attending?

Topseyt123 · 30/03/2025 16:58

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:38

That is what i was thinking because you wouldnt go ahead with a marriage witbout getting a divorce, would you? 🤔

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A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage and cannot go ahead if either party is already married. Bigamy is still a crime.

The kids could remind him that you and he are not legally divorced. I'd also call 101 to get police advice. Report this as a crime that he is planning to commit.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:00

Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

what on earth has been stopping you?

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 17:00

Keepingthingsinteresting · 30/03/2025 16:38

A humanist ceremony doesn’t mean it isn’t legal, just not religious.

Dob him in @Grassisalotgreener . Do you know where he is getting married, you can report to the local authority/register office maybe, or if on a church to the vicar there.

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Ha ha or even better, turn up and stand at the back, and when they ask if anyone knows of any just impediment to these two getting married, shout out:"YES, HE'S MARRIED TO ME!"

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 30/03/2025 17:01

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:47

We are in Ireland, its been a bit of a shock today and havent had time to digest and fact find.

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Is that the Republic of Ireland or Northern Ireland? Humanist marriages are legal in NI. I don't know the position is in the Republic

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 17:01

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:43

Really?

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Yes, my dad and step-mum were married in a humanist ceremony, in their living room.

I had a sneaky feeling their marriage wasn't legal. But I looked it up ( it's public information that anyone can check) and sure enough, they were legally married on the date we attended their wedding.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:02

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 16:58

It will be a commitment ceremony
nothing more
will your children be attending?

Thats what i am hoping! Because i worry if i cause any upset by bringing it to anyones attention that we are not divorced, he will come after me again, sad but true!

OP posts:

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:03

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:02

Thats what i am hoping! Because i worry if i cause any upset by bringing it to anyones attention that we are not divorced, he will come after me again, sad but true!

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Op he has well and truly moved on clearly

will your children be attending?

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 17:03

FineKnacksForLadies · 30/03/2025 16:41

Hello, friendly vicar here. We definitely do ask to see decree absolute before reading banns, where someone has been married before, but if they lie to us and simply say they’ve never been married, we would have no way of knowing they were lying, and obviously wouldn’t ask to see a decree absolute for a marriage we didn’t know existed! I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. A good priest or registrar should offer you some support through this too.

But surely you can look up people's names to check if they have been married before? It's publicly available online and is there not a degree of responsibility there?

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:04

There can’t be any link now whatsoever… nothing financial or children related surely

Wheresthebeach · 30/03/2025 17:04

Why in the world aren’t you divorcing him? Get the papers drawn up and delivered straight away. Frankly I’d stay out of his mess.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:05

“Dad, are you and mum actually divorced?”

”oh this is just a commitment ceremony”

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:07

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:03

Op he has well and truly moved on clearly

will your children be attending?

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Dont misunderstand me , i mean physically come after me, if the " new wife" kicks him out because she isnt legally married and is upset , as she should be. Then thats my fault , in his eyes, everything always was my fault!!!!!

OP posts:

StartAnew · 30/03/2025 17:08

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:05

He is getting married next week and i have had no divorce papers, im informed that you have to notify authorities 3 months in advance, so that doesnt add up.
Unless it is a non legal promise type of thing, yeah i feel sorry for the lady in question , because we are 100 % still married.

Then he can't get married and you should report him.
You could even turn up and say 'Yes' at the any just impediment bit!

Reddog1 · 30/03/2025 17:08

Just divorce him OP. Look after yourself. Hopefully it’s a commitment ceremony but get divorced anyway.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/03/2025 17:10

@Grassisalotgreener if the divorce was in scotland you can check on line right now/ what archaic rule leaves you financial tied to him after all those years?? what country are you in??

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 17:13

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:07

Dont misunderstand me , i mean physically come after me, if the " new wife" kicks him out because she isnt legally married and is upset , as she should be. Then thats my fault , in his eyes, everything always was my fault!!!!!

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This is a KEY point.

OP has stated DV and financial control.
He is out of her life.
Stirring up about the wedding will bring him back into her life
which is A BAD THING

If you are in Northern Ireland, phone 101 and leave the authorities to deal.
If you are in the Republic, contact the Gardai and see what they suggest

2JFDIYOLO · 30/03/2025 17:13

Stop worrying OP. Look up how to get divorced and do it yourself. You don't have to sit about waiting for him to do it. Take some control over your life. Divorce him. Then he can move on too.

When you say 'his children' are these your kids, or from another relationship?

Hopefully they've told him and his fiancée they need to sort this out first.