Page 25 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

JudithOx · 02/04/2025 01:04

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 30/03/2025 16:09

Obviously you do nothing until after The Big Day. He hasn't committed a crime yet.
Then report and enjoy.....

This!!

Firethehorse · 02/04/2025 03:18

Sending you best wishes OP. You are brilliant for picking yourself up and putting your family back together to the point where they could even consider going to the new ‘wedding’.
I hope they don’t, I hope they remember enough, and respect you enough, to not go but you are right to protect yourself.
Posters saying they are strong women who would stand up to abusers and basically ‘show him’ have not seen the ongoing fear, devastation and broken bones inflicted by these men.
I’m genuinely sad you’ve been put off using MN it’s supposed to be a forum primarily for women to help and advise women.
Sending you best wishes, enjoy having your name back and hopefully he will sort the divorce for you.

PopeJoan2 · 02/04/2025 03:23

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 20:35

Inform who?

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The police.

I think I would feel compelled to do this if I was the op.

PopeJoan2 · 02/04/2025 03:28

AcrossthePond55 · 31/03/2025 20:43

OP's 'H' was seriously and vilely abusive. For her to report this would probably bring hellfire down on her head from him.

No, she needs to look to her own safety first. And staying quiet is the right thing to do.

I'm sure she feels sorry for this unsuspecting woman, so do I. But there's no call to put one's own safety at risk and/or jeopardize one's currently calm and quiet life simply out of sympathy.

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How will he know it was her?

she can’t be under his control for the rest of her life, which is how she will be if she remains married to him.

I know how it feels. I was still married to
my violent husband for a few years after we split. I felt everything had to come from him until we were divorced at which point he no longer had control of me. It is likely that the new woman is unfortunately his new supply and punchbag. Op is well rid of him.

GarlicSmile · 02/04/2025 03:36

PopeJoan2 · 02/04/2025 03:23

The police.

I think I would feel compelled to do this if I was the op.

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Me, too. I can definitely understand a woman in OP's situation wanting not to rock the boat, but I do believe in reporting crimes and am surprised at all those who wouldn't because "not my circus".

I'd like to think that discovery of the ex's continuing marriage would be enough to warn his newest victim off, but am reminded of previous threads on here where this happened to women and they refused to accept it as evidence their fiancés were no good 🤯

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:15

Laurmolonlabe · 01/04/2025 22:42

I understand your reticence about getting involved , but if the marriage goes through, and you knew about it, and you knew that he is still married I think you could be prosecuted for not reporting it.
Your children have been invited, so there would be no credibility in claiming you didn't know.
Yes he has to show line of sight to him being single, so he would have to claim he had never been married-but I can't imagine he would be challenged unless the people marrying him knew him well enough to know he had been married in the past, marrying to get an EU passport is much more likely to be suspected than bigamy these days.

No, she can't be prosecuted for that.

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:15

PopeJoan2 · 02/04/2025 03:23

The police.

I think I would feel compelled to do this if I was the op.

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You didn't understand my post. We don't have "the police".

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:18

llizzie · 01/04/2025 22:00

This thread has degenerated into a farce.

The OP says that she has notice of the marriage date of a man she is still married to.

Should she report it, or just pretend it isn't happening?

If you know a criminal offence is about to take place, should you tell the authorities about it? If you don't report it, can you be accused of aiding and abetting a crime. Remember, a crime is a crime is a crime. All has to be reported. Some crimes may be worse than others.

Is it legal to wait until the crime is taking place, then scream blue murder?

In Irish law, if I know something is going to happen am I legally obliged to report it? Can I determine what level of crime is about to be committed and judge whether it is prudent to tell someone? Would I be acting lawfully if I just kept schtum and pretended it wasn't happening?

Or should I go to the wedding, then stand up at the appropriate moment and declare the groom to be already married and therefore he is committing an offence by continuing with the ceremony?

How can anyone ridicule that in a post? It isn't judgemental, it isn't accusatory.

I copied and pasted what the position is under Irish Law, but even that I was pulled down for.

Has the thread degenerated into somewhere to make lives miserable, to discourage people from posting?

To give posters the opportunity to argue against anything? With some people, if you were wearing a black dress they would swear bling it was white.

Edited

You misunderstood the position under Irish law and gave incorrect advice.

Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 06:51

I think a good many posters are into research - or writing theses for their doctorate.

@llizzie you are joking…. Right?

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 02/04/2025 07:13

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 22:43

Thanks a million for all sensible replies really appreciate them.
I wont post anymore because it has stopped being helpful and is more frrustrating.
I got what i needed and certainly wont be using the forum again.
I didnt expect legal advice just a moral dilemma that i felt confused about.
Hey ho you live and learn!

Don’t let a few annoyances stop you posting. You still got to discuss the situation and the majority understood the shock and how it could pull you back into a situation you don’t want.

AIBU is the worse board for people not fully reading but there are others that move at a slower pace which get more considered replies. 30 days only or relationships are good for a sounding board to work through your thoughts.

Laurmolonlabe · 02/04/2025 08:49

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:15

No, she can't be prosecuted for that.

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What makes you think so- if you know a crime is about to be committed-any crime, you can be prosecuted, the authorities may decide not to, but you can.

RampantIvy · 02/04/2025 09:16

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:15

You didn't understand my post. We don't have "the police".

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Aren't the Gardai the equivalent of the police?
I assume this poster meant whatever the equivalent of the police is.

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 09:39

RampantIvy · 02/04/2025 09:16

Aren't the Gardai the equivalent of the police?
I assume this poster meant whatever the equivalent of the police is.

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I was making a point.

Neversayit · 02/04/2025 09:48

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 09:39

I was making a point.

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Since An Garda Síochána describes itself as ‘Ireland’s National Police and Security Service’ this was not a good example of the point you were trying to make.

Ireland does have a police force. Usually just called The Guards, but they’re a police force nonetheless.

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 09:55

Neversayit · 02/04/2025 09:48

Since An Garda Síochána describes itself as ‘Ireland’s National Police and Security Service’ this was not a good example of the point you were trying to make.

Ireland does have a police force. Usually just called The Guards, but they’re a police force nonetheless.

Edited

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It's not called "the police" is the point,vans it was part of a larger point about endless posters wittering on about UK registry offices, UK laws, UK divorces etc..

TallulahBetty · 02/04/2025 10:03

Dogsbreath7 · 31/03/2025 18:36

But it’s only bigamy if he is married so wait till after wedding.

I am surprised OP you haven’t divorced yourself- he inherits automatically unless you have a will. With DV why have any connection?

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FFS - RTFT

TallulahBetty · 02/04/2025 10:04

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 06:15

You didn't understand my post. We don't have "the police".

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Facetious.

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 10:08

TallulahBetty · 02/04/2025 10:04

Facetious.

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Yes. Purposely so, as stated.

Neversayit · 02/04/2025 10:21

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 10:08

Yes. Purposely so, as stated.

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I understand your point and agree it’s annoying when people assume laws are the same etc.

It’s still an extremely poor example and lessens the point you are making. It makes what was a very valid complaint seem petty.

Regretsmorethanafew · 02/04/2025 10:53

Neversayit · 02/04/2025 10:21

I understand your point and agree it’s annoying when people assume laws are the same etc.

It’s still an extremely poor example and lessens the point you are making. It makes what was a very valid complaint seem petty.

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It was meant to be petty. 🤷‍♀️

Whostolemymojo · 02/04/2025 12:11

Use to your advantage OP. Ask for clean divorce and he pays and you won’t dob him in!

Minecraftvsroblox · 02/04/2025 13:13

Laurmolonlabe · 02/04/2025 08:49

What makes you think so- if you know a crime is about to be committed-any crime, you can be prosecuted, the authorities may decide not to, but you can.

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Don't be silly his actions and decisions have nothing to do with the op. He would be arrested and prosecuted not the op.

MattHandjob · 02/04/2025 14:04

Apologies if this has already been addressed but how sure are that your own marriage is valid?

If he is prepared to commit bigamy maybe he already has, and your own marriage was not his first and is not legal?

How would one go about confirming this?

AcrossthePond55 · 02/04/2025 14:29

PopeJoan2 · 02/04/2025 03:28

How will he know it was her?

she can’t be under his control for the rest of her life, which is how she will be if she remains married to him.

I know how it feels. I was still married to
my violent husband for a few years after we split. I felt everything had to come from him until we were divorced at which point he no longer had control of me. It is likely that the new woman is unfortunately his new supply and punchbag. Op is well rid of him.

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OP indicates that she believes he would know it was her. I assume that it's probably because everyone around them believes them to be divorced. She said her own children were surprised when she blurted it out to them.

It sounds to me as if there is some 'thing' in Irish law that would put her at a serious financial disadvantage if she were to divorce him. That and the fact that he was violent and abusive and she fears him. So if she's found a little 'hidey hole' where she is safe and 'out of sight, out of mind' from him, I don't blame her for keeping schtum and saying nothing.

She says they have a legal separation and that she has consulted solicitors and done estate planning. I suppose at this point all she can do is wait for a change in Irish law or for him to pop his clogs. I agree it's a horrible situation for her to be in, but sometimes we have to just make the best of it.

llizzie · 02/04/2025 14:49

WheresYourSnickers · 01/04/2025 21:57

Ironic isn't it, that someone who is lecturing us about having to learn to live with AI doesn't know what ChatGPT is 😆

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Lecturing? Is that aimed at me, or is it just another way of tearing apart another poster? Why on earth would I want to know what ChatGPT is? It may be that one day I may need it, though for the life of me I cannot imagine a scenario.

Do you even know what copy and pasting is? It is a printer term - and I don't mean printers with computers, though of course, it is a common thing to create a document using several others. Fraudsters do it all the time.

Cut and Paste has been used in publishing ever since the first printing press was invented.

I use the same ancient system for accuracy, especially in a legal problem, copy and paste does ensure that the poster is not putting their own interpretation on anything. What don't you like about that?

Lecture ended for the moment.