Page 22 | Husband getting married

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 11:16

GertieET · 01/04/2025 10:28

And again neither did I but I found a way. I did it all myself no solicitors. He is also partly responsible. Forgetting the divorce then...he is spending money getting married even for a basic marriage in a county office it's going to cost similar amount to a divorce application.
He can therefore afford to get divorced if he can afford to get married. She needs to report him. I have said this three times and yet everyone is just highlighting everything else and not the real issue at hand. That HE is breaking the law.

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Yes, you've said it three times that she needs to report him. Even though, quite clearly, she does not have to do any such thing.
Which part are you struggling with?

GertieET · 01/04/2025 11:18

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 11:16

Yes, you've said it three times that she needs to report him. Even though, quite clearly, she does not have to do any such thing.
Which part are you struggling with?

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well then why is she asking the question? In the first post she asked if she should report it and to whom? So I have given my opinion. If she has now backtracked on her first post then fine but I missed that 😬

MikeRafone · 01/04/2025 11:28

Neversayit · 01/04/2025 09:45

But why not read all OP’s posts before first replying? I don’t understand why people don’t do that, as it really doesn’t make sense not to.

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because the thread had more posts added whilst I was writing my reply

Discombobble · 01/04/2025 11:33

There seem to be an awful lot of people on this thread who a) can’t read and b) have no understanding of DV!

Neversayit · 01/04/2025 11:40

MikeRafone · 01/04/2025 11:28

because the thread had more posts added whilst I was writing my reply

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From OP? Saying she was in Ireland? No.

Psychoticbreak · 01/04/2025 11:50

Discombobble · 01/04/2025 11:33

There seem to be an awful lot of people on this thread who a) can’t read and b) have no understanding of DV!

Or geography. Or history in fact.

pollymere · 01/04/2025 11:59

Best of luck OP... Hopefully for the sake of the bride someone will stand up when they ask about legal impediments.

Cactusmad · 01/04/2025 12:10

So sorry this has landed at your door. You seem certain you don’t want to him in your life and his actions have stirred up emotions from the past . You said he was violent and left you penniless. The wedding is his doing and that you are having to face the past again .His actions are that his not yours . You sound like you have lots of things in place already and due to financial difficulties you can’t divorce yet . You have been proactive and built a life after domestic violence. That takes strength and resilience. This is his mess .

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 12:11

RampantIvy
My bad, first timer poster, i should have stated which country BUT that does not account for readers who cannot be arsed to read all my posts before replying.

Jeez i am a real person with feelings and would never suggest that a woman put herself in the firing line of an abusive man.
I also wouldnt be offering my opinions on a public forum if i hadnt been bothered to read the "facts".

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 12:13

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 12:11

RampantIvy
My bad, first timer poster, i should have stated which country BUT that does not account for readers who cannot be arsed to read all my posts before replying.

Jeez i am a real person with feelings and would never suggest that a woman put herself in the firing line of an abusive man.
I also wouldnt be offering my opinions on a public forum if i hadnt been bothered to read the "facts".

No need to apologise. I'm sorry you have had so many lazy posters replying on here.

Just do what is best for you. Will your DC go to the wedding?

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 12:14

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 09:46

Although, I think we might have avoided all the "cancel the cheque" posts if the OP had stated in her first post that she is in Ireland.

This is a mainly British site and I think it is important to state that you aren't in Britain when asking for any kind of advice that requires the input of outside agencies.

I agree that not reading updates is lazy though.

I have addressed this , my bad!

OP posts:

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 12:20

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 12:13

No need to apologise. I'm sorry you have had so many lazy posters replying on here.

Just do what is best for you. Will your DC go to the wedding?

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I am not sure in all honesty i cannot involve myself in conversations as they are all adults .
1 i have to protect myself
2 i do not want to influence them, they will have to learn from there own mistakes or not.
3 the whole marriage ending was very traumatic i cannot and do not want to even think about him ever again.

OP posts:

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 01/04/2025 12:20

I don’t think it would have made the slightest difference if you had put you were from Ireland. You put the DV in the opening post and people are quite happy ignoring that.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 01/04/2025 12:25

Cactusmad · 01/04/2025 12:10

So sorry this has landed at your door. You seem certain you don’t want to him in your life and his actions have stirred up emotions from the past . You said he was violent and left you penniless. The wedding is his doing and that you are having to face the past again .His actions are that his not yours . You sound like you have lots of things in place already and due to financial difficulties you can’t divorce yet . You have been proactive and built a life after domestic violence. That takes strength and resilience. This is his mess .

Thankyou! Means alot, and i think that i succeeded in moving on and rebuilt my life has truly pissed him off, when i was on my knees he wanted to " help" imagine that, when i picked myself up and marched on , and it was soooo hard he became abusive again.

OP posts:

PetMummy · 01/04/2025 12:35

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

Let him get married then report him to the police for bigamy because that's when he's committed the crime. You can enjoy the fun that will cause, just make sure he hasn't got your address.

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 12:37

Just had a thought. If he died while still married to the OP, would she be liable for any debts he might have?

Talkinpeace · 01/04/2025 12:47

PetMummy · 01/04/2025 12:35

Let him get married then report him to the police for bigamy because that's when he's committed the crime. You can enjoy the fun that will cause, just make sure he hasn't got your address.

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If you had bothered to read her posts you'd know that he does.

WheresYourSnickers · 01/04/2025 12:51

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 12:37

Just had a thought. If he died while still married to the OP, would she be liable for any debts he might have?

From my reading of OP's posts they are legally separated, so No.

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 12:55

GertieET · 01/04/2025 11:18

well then why is she asking the question? In the first post she asked if she should report it and to whom? So I have given my opinion. If she has now backtracked on her first post then fine but I missed that 😬

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Try RTFT

Cactusmad · 01/04/2025 12:55

So he wants to help when you are struggling due to him but abusive when you are thriving. Controlling behaviour and you recognise that and quite rightly want to protect yourself. None of this is your fault.

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 12:57

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 12:37

Just had a thought. If he died while still married to the OP, would she be liable for any debts he might have?

Already addressed in the thread: no.

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 12:58

PetMummy · 01/04/2025 12:35

Let him get married then report him to the police for bigamy because that's when he's committed the crime. You can enjoy the fun that will cause, just make sure he hasn't got your address.

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He does have her address, it's not the police, and she's not reporting anything.
Helps to read the thread.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2025 12:59

Psychoticbreak · 01/04/2025 08:56

They are unaware of the fact Ireland is independent from the UK I suspect or unaware there are countries outside of the UK with differing laws.

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I don’t think it’s that. It’s just an assumption that everyone on mn is in the uk. We’ve all probably done it, unless it’s stated otherwise in the op.

there is no excuse for not reading updates though.

And this English person is genuinely surprised by how hard divorce is in Ireland. No doubt it usually works against women.

I’ll say again op, I hope you can have your peace restored very soon. The poor woman he’s marrying too. I feel for you too.

Neversayit · 01/04/2025 13:06

There are differences re divorce depending on whether you’re in England/Wales, Scotland or NI too though @BitOutOfPractice.

I think sometimes there’s an assumption everyone on MN is in England tbh, or that things are done the same as England throughout the UK.
(You often see this sort of thing on school threads when the OP is in Scotland too.)

GhostHunterPlay · 01/04/2025 13:22

You should definitely report him. It doesn't matter how you feel about him moving on since your separation, if he gets married without divorcing you first, he's committing bigamy, which is a criminal act.