Is he a knobhead for not picking me up?

[WTF99]

Would you expect your DP to pick you up from the train station when you've been away for the weekend (with my, not our, daughter) and you've a mile to walk to get to his house where your car is parked

He said he was too busy WFH to take 15 mins out to pick me up.

It depends on what they do obviously.

It seems like you think he runs an airport parking site, complete with shuttle service, but he doesn’t think this. I wouldn’t take 15 mins off work to pick someone up, have a brief chat about their weekend away, then say ‘here’s your car madam. Have a safe drive home. I’ll get back to work now’.

@WTF99 yes he could have picked you up - he gets a lunch break so could have cut that by 15mins or worked 15mins longer, I just pop things like this in my diary snd its fine.
Yes he could have shown he missed you.
Yes he could have been sensitive and realised you might be tired.

Why are you with him?!

If it were 3+ miles then yes I'd expect him to pick me up, but a mile then absolutely not! I'd walk it - it's sometimes nice to walk after lots of travelling.

If he was working I would not even have asked. A mile walk is nothing.

If it was the weekend or evening I’d say YANBU, but as he was working, YABU.

DH and I WFH half the week and we are mostly happy to give each other lifts but sometimes when it’s busy at work we are very blunt with each other that we can’t give a lift.

And come on, you know it wouldn’t have been 15 minutes. You may have wanted to talk about your holiday, or have a coffee, or even perhaps have him drop your dd home too.

Not everyone’s job works like that. If you’re in back to back calls, cutting 15 mins from your lunch does nothing.

I never expect anyone to pick me up or drop me off. If they offer, that’s fine, but as a non driver, it’s my problem to get from a to b, not other people’s and especially not if they are working.

This, and I also agree with a PP in that even if you are able to pop out, you should save asking work for favours for more important things.

The more times you do it for trivial reasons, the more likely it will be refused/become the time that starts to be noticed in a negative manner by management when you need to leave work for a short while.

Hard to say. Too many variables @WTF99 But my DH would very likely have dropped everything to come pick me up. Though if he wasn't expecting it, and he was in the middle of something, he'd probably whinge a bit. 😆 Then again, so would I. That said though, if it was only 1 mile, I would very likely just walk, unless it was dark, and/or a very lonely pathway back to my car. OR I had loads of shit to carry. Hope you're OK now!

Eww. You sound like a spoilt princess. I guess when he’s sacked for “popping out for 15 mins to collect you” next time, you’ll come on here and moan that he didn’t make his job a priority to pay the bills.

you’re a grown adult, make your own way back.

If it was dark or rainy or my child was very tired then it would be nice to get a lift, especially if I'd asked. Depends what his job is as to whether he can take time out without work being affected though.

Not normally, no.

Yesterday I walked to my office that's 1.1 miles I then walked to another building for a meeting that was 0.6 miles, I was there for 3 hours, after that I only had a couple hours of the day left and had some sensitive calls to make so decided to walk home and work from there rather than go back to a noisy open plan office I walked 1.4 miles home (whole route for the day is like an angled u shape) , DH was off I didn't even think about calling him to pick me up, or asking him to drop me off they are all short distances.

When I got back I was working, DH went and did the school run, got DS ready and took him to his swimming lesson, because I was working. You could say I could've done pick up or would only have taken 15-20 minutes, but I was working and had things to do.

You sound like hard work tbh. And petulant.

If you can’t be bothered to read all the OP’s posts before posting, expect to look like an arse.

Op even working from home people need the loo, they need to have a drink and 15 could be one of those moments.
Unless he was on a call or taking a call I think it's a little mean. I assume it's not a regular occurrence and you don't generally put on him for stuff.

Gosh this kind of petulance would infuriate me in a partner.

To be clear, if I'm in the middle of a busy working day, no, you're not more important than the mountain of work I have to get through. No, you're not the priority when you're just a mile away and perfectly capable of travelling that under your own steam. It wouldn't cross my mind to pick DP up in that situation.

I'm not monitored at work but I am usually busy. On account of being at work! If I was working on back-to-back-to-back reports with deadlines looming for each, I would be absolutely livid if DP stamped his foot and said he didn't feel important because I wouldn't prioritise him over them.

I'm not convinced that willingness to give lifts is entirely indicative of a partner's generosity and considerateness, or that wanting to focus on work even when the boss would probably understand you nipping out for a bit is indicative of that either. It might mean something, but it might not.

My DH always always wants to give people lifts, and wants me to give our kids lifts when they are teens/20s. Lifts seem symbolic for him, in that he would go pick someone up from the station even though it meant driving through rush hour traffic to get there, which actually means his passenger takes LONGER to get home with him than if they took the bus, due to restrictions on cars in city centre! He just thinks it's nice to be picked up.

I don't see it that way. I am entirely practical. We live in a city and it's usually possible for people to get places under their own steam. But I do make an effort in other ways, such as making a special meal for someone who's tired or for my adult child whom I haven't seen for a while.

Likewise, it drives me absolutely mad to interrupt my work if it can be avoided, because I like to focus. And maybe I do care excessively about looking professional and appearing committed to work, but that's how I am. I don't think it makes me a less committed partner. I have practically levitated out of my work chair to rush to hospital to be with my DH when he had a minor fall. But giving him a lift when he could walk? Nah.

Sometimes my dh drives to collect me if he's at home. Sometimes he can't. I guess it depends on what he was working on in that moment and how he communicated that to you.

Laughably, in one of the OP's updates, her child is an adult, so not even having to drag a tired child along (although of course taxis are still the answer if OP didn't want to walk)

I think that's setting the bar pretty high and at a level many people wouldn't even want. The dynamic you describe I would find a bit icky and almost paternalistic.

You didn’t need to be picked up. You wanted to be picked up and prioritised over work. There’s a difference and I don’t think he’s being unreasonable by not dropping his work to give you a lift home.

If you were genuinely in need of collecting, would he come? Do you think he would’ve picked you up if you were in peril or a sticky situation?

Quite frankly, you sound like hard work. If your partner was at work in an office, would you ask him to pick up up if you were 15 mins away and then get the hump if he said no?

If you had say 3 miles to walk, a small child and lots of bags to carry then I’d understand a bit more. But a weekend away with an adult daughter then no YABU. And as pp have suggested there are things called taxis. People can’t just leave work to come and pick you up. What would you do if he was working in an office? You just assume he can leave work because he works from home.

Mixed. My DH works from home about half the time, and I know he'd pick me up if he could. That 'could' means not if on a conference call, which he's frequently on and can't just disappear from, or on a tight deadline.

WFH is no different from working in an office in our house, and that means we can't just necessarily 'pop out' to do things like this.