Page 2 | Is he a knobhead for not picking me up?

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 00:43

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:39

Fair enough.
I walked it Am used to walking so not a big deal.
Needed to get back to his as that's where I'd left my car. It's a later life relationship. I had a few days away with my adult daughter., which was lovely
I just thought he'd be pleased to see me and might make the effort to pick me up. I'd travelled from Spain....plane, tube, train and another train. He had no meetings and works extra hours so boss would've been ok for 15 mins.
I just felt unimportant I guess

And helpless it would seem.

You don't know whether his boss would've been ok with it.

But since the pair of you managed to travel by plane, tube, train and another train, you'd think one of you might've been able to order a cab rather than rely on someone to pick you up in the middle of a working day.

nadine90 · 30/03/2025 00:44

Not sure about your area, but uber is so easy and quick here. I wouldn’t even have asked tbh

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/03/2025 00:49

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:39

Fair enough.
I walked it Am used to walking so not a big deal.
Needed to get back to his as that's where I'd left my car. It's a later life relationship. I had a few days away with my adult daughter., which was lovely
I just thought he'd be pleased to see me and might make the effort to pick me up. I'd travelled from Spain....plane, tube, train and another train. He had no meetings and works extra hours so boss would've been ok for 15 mins.
I just felt unimportant I guess

Are there other issues in the relationship? Does he often make you feel unimportant?

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:54

I didn't ask, just to be clear @nadine90 and I wasn't helpless @TeapotTitties as I walked back very competently thank you
I left my DD in London, where she lives, and made the rest of the return home on my own.
I thought he might meet me, that's all.
I'd have met him....

OP posts:

Whatonearthdoiknow · 30/03/2025 00:57

Are people really so heavily monitored when WFH that they can’t nip out for 15 minutes? Everyone is legally entitled to a break, he couldn’t organise his day to collect you in that break? I wouldn’t think anything of it if any of my staff said “I’m nipping out for half a hour to collect whoever”.
So yes I think he was being a knob head. I would have collected my DH and he would have collected me.

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:58

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/03/2025 00:49

Are there other issues in the relationship? Does he often make you feel unimportant?

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Sometimes, yes ....

OP posts:

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:59

Whatonearthdoiknow · 30/03/2025 00:57

Are people really so heavily monitored when WFH that they can’t nip out for 15 minutes? Everyone is legally entitled to a break, he couldn’t organise his day to collect you in that break? I wouldn’t think anything of it if any of my staff said “I’m nipping out for half a hour to collect whoever”.
So yes I think he was being a knob head. I would have collected my DH and he would have collected me.

This was my point really.....

OP posts:

steff13 · 30/03/2025 02:00

Whatonearthdoiknow · 30/03/2025 00:57

Are people really so heavily monitored when WFH that they can’t nip out for 15 minutes? Everyone is legally entitled to a break, he couldn’t organise his day to collect you in that break? I wouldn’t think anything of it if any of my staff said “I’m nipping out for half a hour to collect whoever”.
So yes I think he was being a knob head. I would have collected my DH and he would have collected me.

Sometimes. I'm sure it depends on the job. I conduct hearings as part of my job I can't have my appellant say oh hold on for 15 minutes while I go pick somebody up from the train station.

DragonBalls · 30/03/2025 02:01

I agree with you OP. I would definitely have picked you up. I have a Big Job but would have found the time for my DP. I’m sure you are capable of walking or getting an uber, but that’s not really the point is it

outerspacepotato · 30/03/2025 02:02

It's not like you spent 6 months in space. How do you know how his boss would have taken him leaving during work time for a personal errand that wasn't a necessity or emergency. He told you he was too busy.

"I just thought he'd be pleased to see me and might make the effort to pick me up."

Why didn't you make the effort and walk without interrupting his work? You were the one on vacation. He's the one actually working.

You felt entitled to his time because you went away, even though he was working and on the clock. That's very unreasonable.

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:05

DragonBalls · 30/03/2025 02:01

I agree with you OP. I would definitely have picked you up. I have a Big Job but would have found the time for my DP. I’m sure you are capable of walking or getting an uber, but that’s not really the point is it

No, that's not really the point. The point is that I wasn't a priority. He could easily have taken 15 minutes out to be kind to me

OP posts:

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:12

Well, it's an interesting divide:

I'm.working so fuck off and don't expect anything from me til after 5pm
I have the flexibility to put myself out for something important, should the need arise, if it's important enough

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

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VeganStar · 30/03/2025 02:24

I agree with other posters who have said he could have popped out for 15 minutes.
he could have taken the time as a break which surely he is entitled to.
i expect you were shattered after travelling and could have done with being picked up.
I suppose you could have got a taxi but you were counting on your dp being pleased to see you and wouldn’t have minded taking just 15 minutes off to pick you up.
never mind op, one day he may require a similar favour but of course you’ll be too busy.
I hope you had a lovely time away with your dd.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2025 02:30

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:12

Well, it's an interesting divide:

I'm.working so fuck off and don't expect anything from me til after 5pm
I have the flexibility to put myself out for something important, should the need arise, if it's important enough

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

My ex was like this. I am in 50's and he is an ex......

ETA

When we first got together he couldnt do enough for me, but once I started to go through menopause and the sex was a bit on and off, funnily enough he lost interest..wonder why.

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:31

Aw, thanks @veganstar, that's it in s nutshell really.
I don't want to keep a score sheet, but tempting not to jump for him in the future, should the need arise. I'm sure he's capable of walking a mile with a backpack after being on the go from the early hours.
I don't want that kind of relationship though....

OP posts:

Original poster

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:33

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2025 02:30

My ex was like this. I am in 50's and he is an ex......

ETA

When we first got together he couldnt do enough for me, but once I started to go through menopause and the sex was a bit on and off, funnily enough he lost interest..wonder why.

Edited

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Yep, I understand why.....

OP posts:

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/03/2025 02:34

If he was just sat at home not doing anything, absolutely but he was working.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2025 02:34

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:33

Yep, I understand why.....

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Pathetic isnt it?

And yet 6 months later he still doesnt understand why I (and his ex wife) dumped him!

Stealthmodemama · 30/03/2025 02:37

Did he know your time line -

If he did - then you were not unreasonable - most people I know can and do - block a 'pretend meeting' into their timeline to do such tasks - or he would have known in advance and told you 'i'd love to be able to collect you but can't make it till X as a meeting has been booked in'

If he did not know your timeline - then he may well not have been able to collect you

I do think there is an element of priority though - your gut reaction (he made no effort) is the right one

WaryHiker · 30/03/2025 02:55

Expect? No.

But both my husband and I would have done it for each other without hesitation, even from when we were dating.

He would have known I was exhausted from travelling all day and would probably have had a heavy bag to carry too. It's always nice to have the opportunity to do something to lighten the load of the person you love, and it feels like a warm protective jacket around you to know they would do the same for you without even thinking about it.

I suggest you take a good, hard look at this relationship and think about whether it's what you really want.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/03/2025 03:35

Bin him off, OP. You're old enough not to put up with someone who doesn't treat you well. Don't wait for him to need something so you can turn him down - that's not who you are. Look at this clearly - he could have picked you up and he didn't, not because he couldn't but because he didn't want to. Do you think he's punishing you for having a nice time without him? Regardless, you deserve better than someone like this.

Samora · 30/03/2025 03:38

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:00

Would you expect your DP to pick you up from the train station when you've been away for the weekend (with my, not our, daughter) and you've a mile to walk to get to his house where your car is parked

He said he was too busy WFH to take 15 mins out to pick me up.

Unless it was pissing it down and you live in an area where walking is a death sentence, you're being unreasonable. When was the last time you walked or run a mile?

Tbrh · 30/03/2025 03:47

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:12

Well, it's an interesting divide:

I'm.working so fuck off and don't expect anything from me til after 5pm
I have the flexibility to put myself out for something important, should the need arise, if it's important enough

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

It depends on the day and what you're working on for some people. Some days might be cruisy, other days I don't have time to go to the loo. I think this is a red herring and it's more about what he's like in general

BlondiePortz · 30/03/2025 03:48

He was working, no i would not expect it

TheBuffetInspector · 30/03/2025 03:50

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2025 00:20

A mile is nothing and work is work.

DH would if he could. But still, a mile?

It might have been one of those really long miles.