Is he a knobhead for not picking me up?

[WTF99]

Would you expect your DP to pick you up from the train station when you've been away for the weekend (with my, not our, daughter) and you've a mile to walk to get to his house where your car is parked

He said he was too busy WFH to take 15 mins out to pick me up.

Your updates clarify that you didn't actually ASK him, so this is a moot point.

You also imply you're with your daughter at the station in your OP and, again, your updates clarify you were alone.

You would get a different response if you communicated clearly, both in real life and on Mumsnet!

He could have picked you up. Sometimes people don’t think, but yes I would think that I clearly wasn’t a priority. I’d have just got into my car and drove off as he was so busy with work (not sure if you did call in to say hi, but hope you didn’t bother).

I don’t blame you for being miffed. You’d had a long day and you were hoping he’d have missed you enough to want to make the final leg of your journey a little bit easier. You were hoping he’d take a 15 minute break, not a five hour round trip from the airport or something!
You said there’s been other issues, so maybe time to have a think. Hope you had a lovely break with your daughter.

I might not ‘expect’ him to pick me up, but I know that unless he was in a meeting that he couldn’t get out of, he’d pick me up. I’d go so far as to say he’d probably join the meeting from the car if needed

So are you thinking of leaving him then?

So it sounds like you wanted him to offer and it was during the working day. So no I don't think he is being unreasonable. If he had an office job you would not expect this of a partner.
If it was late at night then I would understand your upset that he wasn't concerned about your safety, but as an adult in the daytime for what is a 20 mins walk then I don't think he in being particularly unkind.

In his position I probably would have offered and taken it as my break. Particularly if you had a heavy case with you. If he knew in advance he could have planned. I am wondering if many men would think to offer and maybe you should have just asked?

Agree. My old man would have arranged his work so he could pick me up no matter I am capable of walking the mile. I do the same for him.

To be fair, he prioritises me in everything which is why I married him. He's a good 'un. Easy on the eye too : )

Time to have a rethink OP. If this was a one off in an otherwise great relationship then, ok but it's clearly not. Vent here if you wish but if you are regularly left feeling low priority, leave.

OP, this is quite a right wing, old school conservative website (though it is good in some ways) so tends to have a strong bias against helping others/compassionate acts, and a strong bias towards rule observance, especially rules imposed by the hierarchy. The fact that he was working at the time will have cinched it for most respondents, who will be horrified at the thought of your partner, a worker, driving you around on his boss's dollar....

In the real world I think most people would think he should have taken 15 minutes to pick you up, of course - potentially even have arranged to not be working at that time at all in order to grab the chance to spend time with you after you have been away.

However, I note you didn't ask him. I do think with some people it would just simply not occur to offer something like this. My partner hardly ever offers me a light anywhere (I don't drive) but also rarely refuses if directly asked. I would prefer lifts to be offered, but it seems unreasonable to demand this on top of the lift - not only do I want you to do me a favour, I want you to ASK to do me a favour...... Do you see what I mean?

I feel for you OP, but next time just ask. And if he says no, you will know where you stand.

He was working. It was only a mile. I wouldn’t pick my husband up during work hours. He’s not disabled so could walk a mile or get a taxi if feeling very lazy.

I’d have been so excited to see my partner if they’d been away and, if I could, and my wfh is flexible unless there’s a meeting in which case I’d explain with disappointment, super keen to pick them up after they’d been travelling and give them a massive hug.

I am really not sure what picking someone up has to do with being right wing or left wing, but apparently it does now!

This is a brilliant reply.
MN is full of right wingers who lack compassion apparently. With a bias against helping people. He should have arranged to not be at work to pick her up etc.
But the poster doesn’t themselves drive. So it should be other people helping out with lifts. Not them.

My DP never picks me up from work trips or holidays. I am perfectly capable of doing 'travel' and 'walking'. He's occassionally offered over the years, but I don't see the point.
Similarly, there's never been an expectation from him, tho' I do like an airport, so sometimes would, just to people watch while waiting.
This wfh has created so many more issues than benefits, now every poor sod who is wfh is expected to do the housework, shopping, diy, in-law taxi-servicing, running around doing stuff for partners because 'they can take a few minutes out'.
No wonder bosses are wanting people back in the office - the only way they are able to contact their staff is over the tannoy at tesco's

My husband offers to give me lifts all the time but if he was working I would have to walk or get a taxi. For a mile, I would probably choose to walk unless I had a heavy bag. I like walking and it is good for you.

No, a mile walk is nothing, especially when you have been sitting for awhile, it helps get the blood flowing.

I agree with this.

In a similar situation my EX didn’t get me from the airport (which was a 15 minute drive for him), but it was worse as he wasn’t working from home, he was just lying on the sofa (he was still lying in the sofa when I got back in a taxi).

It’s not that OP is helpless, or couldn’t make her own way, it’s that her DP wasn’t bothered enough about her to take a few minutes out of his day to do something kind for her. It doesn’t sound like he was restricted by his work, which he could catch up on when he got back. I’d expect my DP to be very keen to see me after I’d been away a few days, and collecting me from the station would be part of that.

Sorry OP, I completely understand. In my case, it was just another thing that made me look at my now EX DP sideways.

Maybe he's not that into you
Sorry

If your DP was working in an office/shop etc you wouldn’t expect him to leave his place of work and pick you up? It’s no different WFH. I work from home and wouldn’t be able to do this.

No, he was working.

Why are you even going to his house in the middle of the work day with your daughter?
Go to your own home.

OP, this is quite a right wing, old school conservative website (though it is good in some ways) so tends to have a strong bias against helping others/compassionate acts, and a strong bias towards rule observance, especially rules imposed by the hierarchy.

I find the idea that a grown, able-bodied woman can't manage a distance of one mile in broad daylight and needs some man to come and help her with it far more conservative and hierarchical.

Even if they aren't many people would not consider it professional to do so. This is why WFH can sometimes be pereceived as flakiness.

If he was at his office, would you have asked/expected this?

The WFH is a bit of a red herring. I WFH 4 days a week and it is no easier to pop out than it is in the office. You need to save asking work for favours for really important things.

If you'd arranged it in advance, your DP could maybe have scheduled his lunch break for then.

If his job is anything like mine, I am in a team with an outside phone line, frequently working on shared documents and online status constantly visible.

Not enough information. Is he allowed to just pop out in the day when working?

No, I'd walk because a mile is nothing. It would take 15 minutes to walk.
You think it's ok for him to waste 15 minutes when he working bit not OK for you to spend 15 minutes walking when you're not working??
What is it with people today? All too lazy to walk for a few minutes.