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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he a knobhead for not picking me up?

158 replies

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:00

Would you expect your DP to pick you up from the train station when you've been away for the weekend (with my, not our, daughter) and you've a mile to walk to get to his house where your car is parked

He said he was too busy WFH to take 15 mins out to pick me up.

OP posts:
Velmy · 30/03/2025 03:57

Did you drop it on him while he was working OP, or did did you give him a bit of notice?

He probably should have come for you if his work is something that he can take a quick break from. But if you dropped it on him last minute he may have thought that you were being a bit cheeky if there were taxis or walking was an option.

Lentilweaver · 30/03/2025 04:03

No, I dont ever expect my DH to pick me up unless I am ill or had a small baby. Certainly not if he's working.

A mile is nothing. I walk five times that daily.

Cognacsoft · 30/03/2025 04:24

My dh would pick me up. I’m always his priority.
Even if I said don’t worry I can walk he would be there.

@WTF99 does your dp cherish you op?
Everyone in a relationship deserves to be cherished.

BlondiePortz · 30/03/2025 04:29

Cognacsoft · 30/03/2025 04:24

My dh would pick me up. I’m always his priority.
Even if I said don’t worry I can walk he would be there.

@WTF99 does your dp cherish you op?
Everyone in a relationship deserves to be cherished.

I would expect my husband to respect what I say if I say I can walk and don't want a lift I would expect him to respect that, same I do the same for him

Pancakeorcrepe · 30/03/2025 04:29

First you mention a daughter to make it sound like you had a child with you. She is an adult and wasn’t even with you anymore at that point!
A 20-minute walk is nothing and you had been away just a few days, and you don’t live together. He probably didn’t have time to collect you and have a big debrief about your holiday in the middle of his workday.
I’m surprised you hadn’t made plans before to have dinner or stay over at his if being away a few days is a big thing to you.

Lentilweaver · 30/03/2025 04:39

Cognacsoft · 30/03/2025 04:24

My dh would pick me up. I’m always his priority.
Even if I said don’t worry I can walk he would be there.

@WTF99 does your dp cherish you op?
Everyone in a relationship deserves to be cherished.

I suppose I am not cherished then! 🙄

TheBuffetInspector · 30/03/2025 04:47

Lentilweaver · 30/03/2025 04:39

I suppose I am not cherished then! 🙄

Show quote history

Clearly not. Your other half would probably rather see you crawling that mile, bare knee'd on gravel.
Because otherwise you would be smothered and feel incompetent. I mean cherished. D'oh.
It's all so confusing isn't it?
I mean how far is a mile anyway?

TheBuffetInspector · 30/03/2025 04:49

It must be an awfully long way if it's not walkable.

NoSoupForU · 30/03/2025 04:59

You've been away for a few days, not a few months. I wouldn't expect my husband to be so overcome with joy at me returning home from a few days away that he must drop everything to meet me at the train station a mile away.

It honestly really fucks me off when people make the assumption that just because I'm home I must be available when I'm working. I have a lot of flexibility but that doesn't mean I'm not busy.

IainTorontoNSW · 30/03/2025 05:14

I'd say unchivalrous and less than best respect from a cohabiting domestic partner.

However, I'd ask you: did you phone/text ahead to advise the ETA of the train you were on? Did you give him much of a chance to take a 15-20 minute break at the time you needed him.

Maybe you both need better communication.

RawBloomers · 30/03/2025 05:48

If he knew well in advance what time I’d be arriving, my DH would block out the time in his schedule. Still a chance some emergency he had to deal with would arise, but I’d come before anything routine.

However, if I asked him the night before, or even just a few days, he might well not be able to rearrange things. He wouldn’t jeopardize his reputation at work by messing people around or missing an important meeting to save me a 20 minute walk. And I wouldn’t want him to.

Wheelz46 · 30/03/2025 06:25

Whatonearthdoiknow · 30/03/2025 00:57

Are people really so heavily monitored when WFH that they can’t nip out for 15 minutes? Everyone is legally entitled to a break, he couldn’t organise his day to collect you in that break? I wouldn’t think anything of it if any of my staff said “I’m nipping out for half a hour to collect whoever”.
So yes I think he was being a knob head. I would have collected my DH and he would have collected me.

Depends on the role, such as phone based jobs where you are dealing with external customers, it is usually heavily monitored.

Breaks are also usually scheduled in advance and would require special permission to change the time, bearing in mind, if 1 person requests a change, it may then have a knock on effect on other employees break times.

Of course this may not be the position of OP husband and his employer maybe flexible but some companies just are not.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/03/2025 06:49

It’s very difficult to know how easy it is for someone to take 15 minutes out at any given time. Do they have a deadline/ are they coaching someone else/ do they have a meeting they need to prepare for/ do that need to be around for someone to ask questions to/ are they in the middle of something which isn’t easy to break from.

Bjorkdidit · 30/03/2025 06:52

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:12

Well, it's an interesting divide:

  • I'm.working so fuck off and don't expect anything from me til after 5pm
  • I have the flexibility to put myself out for something important, should the need arise, if it's important enough

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

But it's not hard to understand that, even in flexible jobs where people are measured by results/deadlines not presenteeism, that the work culture might dictate that people are contactable/at their desk and working between certain hours.

Most workplaces will have people with a reputation for never answering a call, always popping out etc and it this will be noticed, so it's wise to not be one of those people especially when it's for a non essential task like collecting an adult partner so they don't have to walk a short distance.

DarcyProudman · 30/03/2025 06:54

If this is the only thing he’s done wrong, then you need to get a grip. But I suspect it’s not?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/03/2025 06:58

My DH would always collect me if he could.....always. He would organised his work around it.

Once, he stayed up late to pick me up from the train station, even though he had to be up for work 4 hours later as he would rather get me and know I was safe.

He would never make me feel unimportant.

ThymeScent · 30/03/2025 06:58

f he is working in the private sector then he will most be genuinely working, when wfh.

JustMyView13 · 30/03/2025 06:58

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 02:12

Well, it's an interesting divide:

  • I'm.working so fuck off and don't expect anything from me til after 5pm
  • I have the flexibility to put myself out for something important, should the need arise, if it's important enough

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

The reality is usually somewhere in between. I’m stacked at work this week and have done 8am-10pm most days wfh. Barely had time to eat let, alone collect someone from the station. When I’m less busy I’d do it in a heartbeat. But also, some people are tracked quite closely wfh, whilst others aren’t.

To answer your initial post, I think you’re not unreasonable to ask, and he’s not unreasonable to say no if he’s too busy. I’d have got a cab if I didn’t fancy the walk.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 30/03/2025 07:04

Sometimes I drop off/pick up from work etc especially if it's raining as partner has to leave car a 10 mins walk away from work but I can drop by the door. It takes way longer than 15 mins (assuming 5 mins to get there on time, 5 mins wait as they can't always get out bang on time, another 5 mins to drive home). By the time I've found keys, coat, shoes it's a good 5 if not 10 mins, then we have a cup of tea when we get back. It ends up being my lunch break for the day. That aside, we work around it and it's one of the benefits of working from home or being able to get away early from the office and work in the evening at home.
Is the issue really that your partner didn't prioritize you / didn't seem to have missed you as much as you think they should have done?

daisychain01 · 30/03/2025 07:04

I suspect I'm not sufficiently important.....

You sound unrealistically entitled. A bit of forward planning might have helped.

Was it really 15 mins door to door that he would have needed to take out of work? What if he needed to get on a work call, didn't you allow for that?

if I need DH to pick me up from somewhere I certainly wouldn't just ring him up and expect him to drop everything. He isn't a taxi company. I'd have had a conversation in advance to find out if it was convenient so he could plan it into his day, not drop it on him suddenly.

dont people talk to each other any more?

Onlyvisiting · 30/03/2025 07:12

It depends on the job really. If yoy know for certain that he can and does have flexible working so he could take a 15-30 minute break then maybe.
It would have been a nice thing to do. But WFH is still working and if he was at a job on site somewhere nearby I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't expect someone to leave the premises in the middle of a working day. It's a WFH special where people seems to assume more flexibility and some people don't have it.
And tbh, I think the attitude is probably not helping the general anti WFH people are getting lately. Hard to argue with bosses that you are just as efficient at home if you also want to take time out the working day whenever it suits you.

Of course- with jobs that have flexible hours then that's different.

ShroudedOrchard · 30/03/2025 07:16

WTF99 · 30/03/2025 00:39

Fair enough.
I walked it Am used to walking so not a big deal.
Needed to get back to his as that's where I'd left my car. It's a later life relationship. I had a few days away with my adult daughter., which was lovely
I just thought he'd be pleased to see me and might make the effort to pick me up. I'd travelled from Spain....plane, tube, train and another train. He had no meetings and works extra hours so boss would've been ok for 15 mins.
I just felt unimportant I guess

You left your car at his.
Were you planning to stay at his for dinner / stay over that evening?
Because if not then it sounds a little bit like you were using him as a car parking service and a taxi when going on holiday without him, then complaining about not being cherished.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 30/03/2025 07:17

He was probably busy hanging the washing out as we all know that's what people WFH do with their day

LetGoLetThem1234 · 30/03/2025 07:17

YABU.

15 min would equal a 30 minute trip there and back for your partner @WTF99

I would have arranged a taxi/uber or walked.

IMHO, It is not a reflection on whether you're "cherished" or not.

But if not being fetched home from the train station irks you sufficiently to start a thread then I suspect it is indicative of a wider, perhaps more serious problem within the relationship .

mamajong · 30/03/2025 07:18

DH and I always ask each other but sometimes the timings don't work out and we just get a cab. He was working tbf, not always easy to get out