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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want to be responsible for a living thing ever again

176 replies

retirementislooming · 29/03/2025 22:07

Brought up two children who now are adults with good lives. Have had various pets. I’m now 55 and never want any more responsibility for a living being. The peace is lovely . Sat here now with a huge glass of wine and utter silence. Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
Podgeys1 · 31/03/2025 09:06

BruFord · 30/03/2025 23:41

@Podgeys1 Even though I’ve turned into a softie, I won’t get another dog after our current one passes on. Recently, DS (16) said that he’s going to get a “big dog” when he has his own house…he has no idea of the responsibility involved!

Ditto here.
They have great plans for the summer, interrailing, concerts, working, weekends away.

Who would end up juggling a pet.
I have lots of friends very very tied because of animals they never wanted, but absolutely grew to care about and are the ones out walking dogs first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I'm busy quietly quiting motherhood, that would be a step in the completely wrong direction.😁

We had also thought about a cat, daughter wants one or two.

Fortunately a friend told me about her two cats that she got two years ago that drive her mad.
Her children nagged her and they love them BUT she is cleaning up after them.
The cats are cranky out, don't get on and bicker constantly.
She said they are two more sources of annoyance in the house!

Delighted i met her, completely cured me of the idea😁

JHound · 31/03/2025 10:29

BruFord · 30/03/2025 20:49

@JHound Sound like a good plan. Nowadays I do wish that I had a sibling to help out!

Show quote history

I always expected my life would follow a more traditional route so expected to have more caring responsibilities (kids, a partner maybe) but fate had other plans for me!

Lentilweaver · 31/03/2025 12:02

Podgeys1 · 31/03/2025 09:06

Ditto here.
They have great plans for the summer, interrailing, concerts, working, weekends away.

Who would end up juggling a pet.
I have lots of friends very very tied because of animals they never wanted, but absolutely grew to care about and are the ones out walking dogs first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I'm busy quietly quiting motherhood, that would be a step in the completely wrong direction.😁

We had also thought about a cat, daughter wants one or two.

Fortunately a friend told me about her two cats that she got two years ago that drive her mad.
Her children nagged her and they love them BUT she is cleaning up after them.
The cats are cranky out, don't get on and bicker constantly.
She said they are two more sources of annoyance in the house!

Delighted i met her, completely cured me of the idea😁

Show quote history

Quiet quitting motherhood. That's exactly what I am doing. Going well so far!

DilemmaDelilah · 31/03/2025 17:57

I've always had a cat. I love cats. My current cat is very elderly, needs medication and has a litter tray, so she can't be left. I am absolutely longing for a holiday - I've had a crazy couple of years and I'm on some hard core cancer meds which make me feel awful, but I am due to finish those in August and I'm desperate to book a holiday but I can't because of the cat. I love her dearly and I don't want her to die... but life would be an awful lot easier without her! When she does eventually shuffle off this mortal coil we will not get another cat for a least a year I think.

BlondeMummyto1 · 31/03/2025 17:59

Yes but I’m only mid 30s. I had my child young.

Bugaloo77 · 31/03/2025 18:11

My youngest is 16 and I am so close to that dream I can nearly touch it.
Oh how I look forward to that time.

skyscrapersinging · 31/03/2025 18:18

Same. 53, 18 yr old off to uni in Sept. one elderly cat hanging on, but once she’s gone, I’m free as a
bird. I wanna downsize my house as well, too much garden and cleaning. I don’t even want the responsibility of house plants for a while!

User753175 · 31/03/2025 19:01

Downsizing is the dream.

BruFord · 31/03/2025 19:10

User753175 · 31/03/2025 19:01

Downsizing is the dream.

Yes, I’m looking forward to downsizing too! Lower bills, less cleaning, get rid of loads of stuff -can’t wait!

Hummingbird445566 · 31/03/2025 19:18

I think like that sometimes and then I start dreaming of grandchildren, empty nest syndrome kicks in and boom I’ve added a couple of kittens to my to my current pet plan with the vets. Maybe I should stick to wine as I now have 4 dogs , 3 cats and still no sign of grandchildren 🤣

User753175 · 31/03/2025 19:20

I won't be downsizing for 4 or 5 years but I'm already doing a very slow house and attic declutter in hopeful anticipation. I could easily drop a day at work if I wasn't heating and maintaining this house. I'll keep it until the DC are further on than the fledgling adults they are now, but not forever.

Dogsbreath7 · 31/03/2025 19:22

I do get it OP but will never ever ever be without a dog.

Gingernan · 31/03/2025 19:28

Widowed since young, I was quite ready when the children left for uni. 2 out of 3 have returned at various times, the oldest is still here and looks unlikely to go anywhere for a while.Shes 46 and although we get on great her mental health isn't great and she definitely makes work...I love having her here though. We are both in long distance relationships ( something to be said for those!)
We have an elderly cat and a rabbit with health issues, can't take anything for granted with those 2. I can't imagine life without them. When they pass on we will be open to rescue, but first I will take a holiday as I haven't liked to leave them for 3 years. I love to travel but the animals are family and I don't resent them at all.

ConnieSlow · 31/03/2025 19:44

This is exactly why I won’t get a pet. I really and truly pity someone when I see them with their dog!

restingbitchface30 · 31/03/2025 20:06

I’ve been a mum for 20 years. Never fully felt done until I had my twins almost 3 years ago. In those three years my eldest 2 have been pretty difficult, especially my son, and my twins drive me insane most days. I can now say hand on heart I am done. My partner asked me the other day if I wanted one more, I nearly had a heart attack! 4 is enough. All my kids were very much wanted and I love them don’t get me wrong, but I do dream of child free days with only myself to look after. I’ve put myself last since I was 20, now at 40 I want to find myself. Enjoy your peace and quiet!

Nanny1965 · 01/04/2025 09:00

When the grandchildren start it starts all over again..... trust me. My kids can't beleive it when they have to look after their own kids because I have plans... 🙄

anyolddinosaur · 01/04/2025 09:15

All the "you are always a mum" posts kind of miss the point. I'm no longer responsible for my child (or any grandchildren I may acquire). They are their own, or their parents, responsibility. I may have to look after an aging husband sometime, doesnt mean I have to like it.

Roxy69 · 02/04/2025 16:14

I'm stress-free but I do love my dog, he's no trouble. Accompanies me mainly everywhere, even on holidays and I love the walks whatever the weather.
Do whatever makes you feel good and enjoy your life.

sumor · 02/04/2025 16:38

YANBU My Dmum is like this as well.

She lost my Dad after a good few decades of his health declining and her ending up caring before that she had 3 kids and many pets - cat/dog/birds hamster - some our childhood ones- some past on from DGC losing interest (that was not my kids or us ) - she also dog sat siblings dog and provided their child with a lot of childcare.

Everyone keeps telling her to get a pet - a dog - for company - she in her 70s doesn't want the hassle of a pet - doesn't want money worries or extra expense - to have loss or worry about getting them look after she passes or has to go into a home (she's fit and well currently) .

Seems sensible to me.

We're at first steps to adulthood with our kids- and have two cats we waited a decade till settled to get - love them to bits still. We are lucky that there good professional pet sitting service so can leave them for holidays.

The dog my parents had and one they looked after most days for sibling was a huge tie - couldn't be left for long couldn't be taken out to shops etc. MIL dislikes pets and does lots of weekends away - argued strongly we shouldn't get pets too much of a tie - but she talked her brother out of a dog after their parents who he cared for died - he is very lonely and isolated and never does trips away and now suffers from pretty bad depression and leaving house is hard - so think she did him a massive disservice there as his life was so different to hers.

Diddlyumptious · 02/04/2025 18:03

Agree with everything except the dog.

Redflagsabounded · 02/04/2025 18:20

I was chatting to a younger woman the other day who said her dream was to have a little smallholding with horses, other animals and pets. I found myself saying 'that used to be my dream too, but now, no'.

I really don't want any level of fulltime responsibility now.y child is grown-up, I'm single, and no pets and the peace and freedom is wonderful. I can do things spontaneously. I have no timetable other than work.

I get my animal hits by pet sitting a few weeks a year - I love it but it's a bit like grandchildren - you have fun then get to give them back.

Onafp · 04/04/2025 10:12

Redflagsabounded · 02/04/2025 18:20

I was chatting to a younger woman the other day who said her dream was to have a little smallholding with horses, other animals and pets. I found myself saying 'that used to be my dream too, but now, no'.

I really don't want any level of fulltime responsibility now.y child is grown-up, I'm single, and no pets and the peace and freedom is wonderful. I can do things spontaneously. I have no timetable other than work.

I get my animal hits by pet sitting a few weeks a year - I love it but it's a bit like grandchildren - you have fun then get to give them back.

My friend has lots of rescue horses and dogs, every time she gets another one I think how can she want more responsibility in her 60's. Everyone is different of course, my parents are both dead, DC still here but on and off, dog is old and much as I'll be devastated when he goes no way will I get another. Just don't want the responsibility, it feels suffocation at times.

Original poster
retirementislooming · 04/04/2025 10:31

I know a couple who are in their 70's, who have just bought a rottweiler puppy. In fairness, they are used to the breed, and have had many rottweilers, BUT this seems like madness to me.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 04/04/2025 12:10

retirementislooming · 04/04/2025 10:31

I know a couple who are in their 70's, who have just bought a rottweiler puppy. In fairness, they are used to the breed, and have had many rottweilers, BUT this seems like madness to me.

I have an elderly acquaintance who lined me up as the inheritor of her cat. I'll not give the entire story here...

I was prepared to take it on, reasoning that it couldn't live forever, but I'm distancing myself now: elsewhere, I've explained that she wanted a plan of my house, wanted me to add on a balcony for the moggy, build a catio, etc...

I'm now convinced that if the cat dies, she'll simply buy herself a kitten and I'm not prepared to take that on. (She's had umpteen cats over the years.)

She's now advertising on FB, but claiming that she's lining up a future home for someone else's pet. She ran exactly the same ad with exactly the same details for the cat a year ago. It was supposed to be 7 yrs old then and 7 yrs old now, so goodness knows what age it actually is.

The whole story became increasingly batshit as time went on - it's at the stage that I find it hard to believe myself. When I was supposed to be getting the creature, she insisted that I had to sleep over at her place on an air mattress* in the living room so that it could "bond" with me...Oh, and it would love to play with my hair. Pass.

As I said in my original comment, I'll not take on any responsibility for a living creature again.

*With MY knees?!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 04/04/2025 12:15

I'm 45 and the kids are grown (some have kids of their own) but I love the pets and currently want another dog but my partner says no.

I'm not sure why the no "wins" but that's a whole different thread.