I don’t want to be responsible for a living thing ever again

[retirementislooming]

Brought up two children who now are adults with good lives. Have had various pets. I’m now 55 and never want any more responsibility for a living being. The peace is lovely . Sat here now with a huge glass of wine and utter silence. Anyone else feel the same?

Not if you don't want them to live with you they don't!

I wont my two are gay men and dont want kids thank god.

And if one of your grown children came to you for help? Because you never ever stop being a mother, until you die.

Ditto. I have never understood why some people are so desperate to take on the responsibility.

Raise them right they wont run back its a big world out there and they need to face it head on like we did.
Thats called being an adult mum and dad are not gonna bail you out when we are dead are we.

I’m sure I will feel the same when I get to that stage of my life.

I have ds who’s 6. I’m due another baby in the summer and sometimes I feel terrified. I’m quite sensitive to tasks/noise/demands and I get overwhelmed easily. Sometimes I wonder if I’d have been a happier, more functional adult if I’d been childfree. I do not regret my child or child to be though, I feel fulfilled and I have a need to nurture, but the responsibility is heavy.

My dog on the other hand is a little blessing and I wish she could stick around forever despite being a pain in the arse sometimes.

I'm in a funny in between point with one having left and still having three at home. I miss my eldest, but I'm delighted for him and still see him plenty. I've got a huge age gap between him and my youngest though, so I very much suspect that the youngest will be becoming independent and I'll have grandchildren to help with. Do I mind? Absolutely not - I'd be delighted to help! But will I miss the mayhem of sorting school mornings/after school/panicking about holiday cover... Absolutely not. Can't imagine not having at least one pet though! I've always had a busy house and I'm not ready to wind down completely yet.

Oh my goodness, I hear you.

Enjoy that wine and freedom!

I feel further away from this point than ever ☹️
mid 40’s, 2 disabled kids, marriage ending, carer for elderly parent, low income, horribly physical signs of stress / menopause including itchy scalp, daily headaches, brain fog, middle aged acne, no IRL friends as I’ve been too preoccupied managing my kids health appointments to nurture friendships that eventually gave up trying with me
my dog is actually the one thing that calms, her happy face when she seems me and curls up on my lap and gives me some comfort.

Currently have DD (16), 1 dog, 1 cat (both late-middle to old age) and dont intend taking on any more dependent beings. Would it be terrible of me to admit I'm actively looking forward to only having myself to think about? I will obviously be sad when we lose the pets and am in no rush for DD to become fully independent but I also feel quite excited at the thought of not having anyone or anything to feed at some point in the not too distant future!

No I don’t feel like that, will still have a teenager at home at 55 and may foster later as well as working with kids in almost every job I’ve ever had. I don’t really like being on my own!

Yep.

51, 6 kids and all but the youngest have been kind enough to bog off and live somewhere else. Youngest is almost 14 but like me, so values solitude and silence. Its fucking wonderful.

If the alternative is they go into foster care you might feel you have to step up. That goes for wider family members too.

I'm currently in that situation (not grandkids) but am not sure I can keep this up.

Oh my word yes. I have two adults children living back at home, which is quite enough in terms of extra work and feeding. They do take their turn, but it's not the same as when they lived away. DH wants to get another dog, but much as I love dogs I'm simply not up to any more responsibility. Getting up in the morning for walks, cleaning up, feeding them, another creature vying for my spot on the sofa. I enjoy looking after other people's dogs from time to time, but I'm really quite glad when they're collected by their owners.

Then I would help. But there is a massive difference between helping out and being the only thing that stands between them and death! I loved every day of bringing them up (well ok, thats a lie but more good days than bad!) but I am allowed to enjoy my middle age without feeling guilty. You should try it!

So you have no worries OP?
My post-proper-work life is good but i still fret about my adult children

That's fine as long as you don't expect any help when you're old.

This seems so contradictory, you value solitude and silence yet you had 6 kids?

Same position here. My kids don't count as disruptions. That's everyone else. :-)

Totally with you OP.

I pretty much carried the load where most things family life were concerned..not that it bothered me it was what it was, kids, far to may pets, working 2, sometimes 3 part time jobs a day.

Over the years the pets died, kids have flown the nest, now semi retired and feel I've done my fair share of all that went with bringing up DC.
I too feel that I never want to watch the clock or be tied to time again...as for pets..it's no more for me, to just go off and not have to worry about them is bliss.

I’ve gone the other way at 50, I feel v. nurturing towards people and animals. I have two teenagers, an elderly parent who needs a lot of support, and an older dog. When some of those responsibilities have lifted, I can see myself finding more ppl and pets to care for. No idea how this has happened, I was far more self-absorbed when I was younger. 😂

I totally get it. There will come a day when I’m child and pet free, and let’s just say that I’m not dreading it (much as I love them!).

Not 40 for a few years and 2 grown up kids that have moved out? I am being completely nosey, how old were you when you had them?