I don’t want to be responsible for a living thing ever again

[retirementislooming]

Brought up two children who now are adults with good lives. Have had various pets. I’m now 55 and never want any more responsibility for a living being. The peace is lovely . Sat here now with a huge glass of wine and utter silence. Anyone else feel the same?

Yesterday I was walking in the park, headphones on and just thought, I am so glad we don’t have a dog; love being a mum but happy to start having more freedom now they are a bit older.

When I see a pregnant lady I just think I am happy I am over that and the first few years of baby and toddler stage.

Once you've had kids you're never really free. They don't have an expiry date and you never stop being a Mum.

My child was 18 when they developed a serious medication condition - then one more condition two years later. It's been years of caring and appointments and support. You never know what happens for your grown kids and I want to support them when needed even then.

@retirementislooming Good point.

I think this may be why these past few years are the happiest of my life so far.

Edited for typos

I enjoy solitude, so my favourite hour of the weekend is the bit before everyone else gets up and I can have a cuppa in peace. I do love having the guinea pigs for company though, they are a lot less complicated than the humans.

I hear you. I'm 53 with 17yo and 19yo children, a 10yo dog and a 6yo cat. I don't think we'd have another dog after our lovely chap is gone, but we will still have the cat. He is very little bother though.

I hear you. I had DS1 at 16, he is 31 now but I went on to have another 2 DC, youngest just turned 17. I have a dog, who I adore but I really am looking forward to being able to book a spontaneous holiday. I won’t be rushing to get another pet.

I’m in two minds. I’ll be a similar age when my DC move out, but I’m already looking forward to grandchildren 😂 Hoping I can be hands on!!

Probably because we had no help at all from the grandparents!! They have all been selfish, unlike our own grandparents who did a lot of holiday care etc!! I spent at least 3 weeks a year with mine as a child. My parents have looked after our children never.

MIL was very much in the camp of turning 50 and putting herself and her desires first every single day. She’s now 76 and recently started talking about moving in with us!!! 😂 😱 No fucking way. I’d leave DH before that happens. You reap what you sow.

Haha my friend only has siamese and usually has 5/6 at a time, it does look like a full time
job so they seem to be the exception!

@QueefQueen80s Oh my God, how could you have more than one? Don't they constantly fight over who is the main character? Or maybe they just enact a full-scale dramatic opera every day and each one thinks they're the star.

Totally agree op!
I'm 54, my youngest child is 13. I've said for years that once she's left home and cat has died, I don't want to even be responsible for a spider plant.

I am 41 with an 18yr old and almost 15yr old. I am starting to see the chink of light at the end of the tunnel!
I also have 2 dogs (ages 5&3) and 2 cats (ages 14 and 8) I love my children and my pets with every fibre of my being but my entire life from the age of 23 to now has been centred around keeping everyone else in the house happy... I am looking forward to some peace and quiet but equally hoping that both children stay around quite a bit longer yet.
If I am lucky enough to have any grandchildren in the future I definitely want to be able to help out with them, I will still be working full time I think so it would be more so the parents can have a day/night off at the weekend rather than regular childcare but I can't imagine not helping them at all (like my own 'mother & father' would do absolutely nothing for us) On the whole I will be happy to have more peaceful days but interspersed with a few days looking after others.

Absolutely agree. Kids grown up years ago, no partner for years, no pets, not even a garden to look after (my apartment is surrounded by beautiful grounds but someone else looks after them, not me!)
Totally love it, not responsible for anyone or anything. Independence, freedom....makes me extremely happy, I feel very lucky. I have already told the children I won't be looking after any grandchildren so don't get any false hopes....!

We had a dog that got very sick. We loved her so much. The stress of her illness and then her dying really took its toll and I don’t think I could ever go through that again.

I will always be there for my kids. I love them desperately and miss them a lot. They are late 20’s now though , so I don’t worry about them in the same way I did when they went to uni at 17/18, as they are maturing now. Their bedrooms are still here for them should they ever need to come home though!!

I absolutely understand how you feel. 47, two late teen DC and two needy labradors and a clutch of hens.

I adore our hens. I love their eggs. We started with 6 hens in 2020 and down to 4. I don't want them to die, it's very sad. But we got them because we live in the country and it seemed mad not to. But I will mourn their passing one day and move on.

Child free, about enough caring capacity for one cat. Am fond of him, and he's a dear old boy.
But totally get your point

Like pp, I don't have a garden and don't want one!

I had DD at 18 then 2 DS in my late 30’s. I am now in my 50’s and desperately trying to get the teens independent enough to move on. Not quite there yet but hopefully only a few more uni years left. There is absolutely no way I’ll be taking on any pet to fill the ‘gap’. My DSis has a dog and whilst it was cute when a puppy it’s now hard work and smells awful up close.

I will be 67 in a couple of months and am very lucky to be in good health. I will probably work (depending on health, of course) until I'm around 75, because I love my role.

One daughter, who left home (to do with studying) at 18 but has been back and forth over the years: now settled with husband in her own home and beginning to think about children.

No pets as a child but I made up for it as an adult! Currently one dog (he's number 6, I think), aged 7, who was supposed to be my last-ever pet (because I would never want to pre-decease an animal, due to their stress and the burden it would place on my daughter). I've also had cats (and lots of other creatures!) over the years - most of my animals have been rescues.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and...... A friend's cat had an unexpected litter, and I now find myself with a tiny black kitten! Having fun integrating him with adult dog; going well so far. (My daughter is fine to have the kitten/cat should anything happen to me - I wouldn't have taken him on without this assurance.)

No doubt grandchildren will be thrown into the mix before very long..... Ah well, I've always liked being busy 😃

You’re living the my dream OP. Enjoy.

I have an elderly DH with dementia and related mobility and continence problems and I am his carer, as well as a dog and a horse! (I had two horses until recently when the old one trotted off over Rainbow Bridge) - never, ever again will I have any more husbands or animals. That’s if I outlive them all, of course. It all gets too much sometimes.

That's a thought. You might get a few year of this before elderly parents start having care needs.

I love my cats but I think these will be my last ones. They could potentially live until they are 18 or so, that means another 14-17 years or so. At that point I'll be mid sixties and I think it wouldn't be right to get another one because they might outlive me and I couldn't bear the thought of them having to be rehomed.
Also the costs will be too much when I am living off my pension.

I

I was in flood of tears last night realising this would be the last Mother’s Day our family are all living under the same roof.

ds1 has special needs and moving into supported living soon, ds1 heading to uni in September. I’m happy for them to become independent but it will feel so strange not look after them daily.

will still have dh and my cuddly sweet cat.

Cats! Cats! One always needs a cat.

For the last 10 years or so we only pick up the oldest cats at various shelters who have health problems because we are luckily solvent and they are usually hard to home due to medical issues. They also tend to be there because their owners have passed away or gone into homes.

The most pleasure in my life is snuggling with a 21 year old arthritic tortie [looks down at lap] who was sitting at the RSPCA for 9 months before coming home and who was deeply suspicious of her new life and who is now a complete cuddle monster.

I'm sorry that has happened to you, and of course that is always a possibility, but it's not the norm. Mums - even Mums! - are allowed to enjoy freedom and lack of responsibility once their kids have grown up. I know shit can happen anytime but I'm not going to spend the little bits of freedom I finally have worrying about that possibility.

Of course you shouldn't worry about it. I was reacting to the sentiment more that seemed to suggest kids had an expiry date once they hit 18. Even if 100% healthy, I'd always be there for them and 18 is still so young. They still need a lot emotional support as they transition from school to the adult world. It's a huge change.

Then there was the poster that made me think, yes, a few years, then elderly parents might need some support. Freedom is fragile!