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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is the go to mother of bride outfit a hideous stiff coat dress with hat?

218 replies

Coranne · 29/03/2025 21:10

No offence intended. But why do so many mother of the brides wear these horrible long coats with stiff dresses and a huge hat.

I took my mum to a wedding stylist (not cheap) and all she did was pull out outfits like the first image. I told the stylist I wanted my mum in something like the second outfit plus pashmina.

I’m British but my family is European by origin. Is it just tradition? The go to? It’s not even the most flattering. My mum is slim so I don’t get the knee jerk reaction to go for such a dated look

So confused!

Neither image is of my mum

Why is the go to mother of bride outfit a hideous stiff coat dress with hat?
Why is the go to mother of bride outfit a hideous stiff coat dress with hat?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
RosesAndHellebores · 30/03/2025 10:03

Coranne · 30/03/2025 08:50

The “lovely dresses” that have been shared.

Thankfully we have different tastes.

I still don’t get why some people think unflattering structured dress with a hat thrown on = formal/mob attire

Edited

I don't particularly like any of the dresses in the post above, except the one for the larger lady. The others all.look very Dynasty/Dallas to me.

They are not my style but many, many people will like them and that's good.

When I was MoG, I looked at Shibumi and plumped for Caroline Charles. Next up, I'll be MoB and who knows, except it won't be pastel - I don't do pastel and I don't do anything I won't wear again.

MaggieBsBoat · 30/03/2025 10:04

I am jumping in just to say that it isn’t your opinion hat has hit a nerve OP it’s your delivery. I live in Europe and am married to a European ( as a Briton I am also European) and I am used to European delivery. OP your language and how you are delivering your points are rude and you can’t see it as you are not hearing it the way Britons hear it. It doesn’t matter how good your English is. It lacks nuance and it is rubbing people up the wrong way. Hitting that nerve as you say. You are just rude. That’s your problem.

AgathaX · 30/03/2025 10:09

Killer heels?
Why the hell would any woman want to torture themselves in such ridiculous footwear for a day.

BIossomtoes · 30/03/2025 10:10

AgathaX · 30/03/2025 10:09

Killer heels?
Why the hell would any woman want to torture themselves in such ridiculous footwear for a day.

Quite. Vertiginous heels look so dated now.

Sharktoothgirl · 30/03/2025 10:16

Look up ´day at the races’ outfits. Daytime formal wear rather than evening wear. These events used to require a hat as part of the dress code and it’s definitely still traditional to wear one. A jacket or coat is more practical than a shawl and it’s often too cold to not have one at an all day event, even if you don’t wear it during the warmest part of the day.

RedToothBrush · 30/03/2025 10:20

Coranne · 29/03/2025 21:28

Not one of my European aunts would ever wear that style. It is not the wedding costume for mature women in my home country. Just curious why it is the case for British women of a certain age

Edited

British women of a certain age are more likely to be a certain shape than European.

With that often goes a loss of confidence.

The UK is much more prone to fashion trends which are difficult because thats what the shops have in. European clothes shopping is a different experience because it's less fast. The emphasis is on classic styles and fashions that don't move as fast so it's much easier to find things that work for you and have 'go to' styles. In the same sense UK fashion is geared up to younger women with older women viewed almost as past it in a way that doesn't exist in Europe.

I genuinely find shopping in Europe easier than in the UK. Even if going to chains we have here (and have some of the same lines. I think it must owe something to store layout too for this reason and choice of lines that work in multiple countries whilst others don't). It's less fussy and has less features that will date quickly.

Clothing in Europe is bought to last for longer than in the UK. That's not universal but as a rule of thumb it is. European fashion is more down to earth and practical in many respects too. It's plainer - less awful aging patterns are available. It's tailored and collections chosen to be elegant/timeless rather than favouring showing skin where it doesn't need to be and having the trim / pattern/ in fashion pattern.

This is just about everywhere across Europe too.

The UK can be more daring and that has it's benefits but this tends to go off an age cliff.

So I think British women have heads that understand this hypersexualised youth look and then they age out and go to frump because they don't know where else to go. Flowers patterns are an absolute killer for that.

It's a pet hate. I hate the UK fashion industry. It's awful. I spend my time going 'oh that would be nice if it didn't have that bit on, or was simpler'.

I think it lets women down.

So actually I do think British women get a rough time with it. They could be served so much better.

Coffeeishot · 30/03/2025 10:23

I didn't wear anything like a coat dress combo for my Dds wedding and no hat I had a fascinator, I think sometimes the stereotypical outfit is a safe outfit.

Sharktoothgirl · 30/03/2025 10:24

Sharktoothgirl · 30/03/2025 10:16

Look up ´day at the races’ outfits. Daytime formal wear rather than evening wear. These events used to require a hat as part of the dress code and it’s definitely still traditional to wear one. A jacket or coat is more practical than a shawl and it’s often too cold to not have one at an all day event, even if you don’t wear it during the warmest part of the day.

And I meant this as a way to understand where the MOTB look has come from. If you and your mum don’t like it just pick something different. Saying you don’t like hats with formal outfits is a bit like saying you don’t like ties on men’s formal outfits. Fair enough, but you’ve missed the point about why people wear them. It’s just a social code that demonstrates a certain level of formality. How people perceive the aesthetics of that is partly influenced by the importance they place or don’t place on conforming to that social code.

Movinghouseatlast · 30/03/2025 10:27

If you look at what the Royal family wear to formal occasions the clothes you don't like are versions of those.

Snoken · 30/03/2025 10:36

I agree with you OP re the typical British mob style. I felt the same when I watched the British apprentice a few years ago. The women’s business attire was so old fashioned. I don’t think that of British fashion in general though, I just think formal attire has just not evolved for decades. Maybe have a look at Me+Em for your mum.

pimplebum · 30/03/2025 10:43

I’m a fat 50 year old and just dressed myself for Mother’s Day

I look a bit shit

if I was trying to dress myself for my kids wedding I’d go for grumpy because I’m still stuck in mindset that funky fashionable is for the slim

CharlotteStreetW1 · 30/03/2025 10:48

Killer heels is decidedly not what women of a certain age and class would wear to a religious service.

Oh I don't know. Recalling the younger Royal women at Prince Philip's funeral actually having to be helped down the step from their seats as they competed to wear the highest heels - in particular Zara Tindall. And I did have to laugh when the men sent the cars away so they could all walk back to the Castle.

RitaAndFrank · 30/03/2025 10:51

I’ll be in a Me & Em jumpsuit or maxi dress with a beautiful bag and an amazing pair of shoes. None of this two piece nonsense.

Lentilweaver · 30/03/2025 10:52

Movinghouseatlast · 30/03/2025 10:27

If you look at what the Royal family wear to formal occasions the clothes you don't like are versions of those.

Edited

Well exactly! Am not OP but that's why I don't like them.
I agree OP could word her posts better.

Arrivederla · 30/03/2025 10:59

Coranne · 29/03/2025 21:33

I was making a Pinterest board for my mum and I had to stop typing in “motb outfits” in the search). Never seen such a collection of such ugly material and silhouettes.

Um ok, I think you've made your point.

Lucky we unstylish British women have you to point us in the right direction, eh?

Roseshavethorns · 30/03/2025 11:05

I read this thread with interest as I am looking for an outfit for my daughter's wedding.
I don't like the traditional mother of the bride outfits either. I was hoping that the op would have some wonderful outfit ideas since she appears to have such strong ideas on style and the shortcomings of people in the uk.
But the two "stylish" outfits they posted are truly awful. The pink and orange monstrosity, that is half pleated and half straight would flatter nobody. It just screams look at me I have money but no taste. As for the green and purple dress it is just horrible. It looks like a cheap throwaway dress you would buy online for a holiday and then still never wear.
It just shows that everyone's idea of style is different and it's not until you are trying (probably too hard) to find an outfit for the most special of occasions that you realise how difficult it is to find something that makes you feel amazing. (Especially when you are a short apple shape.)

gingercat02 · 30/03/2025 11:15

I got married in 2002. My mum was 61 and wore a beautiful layered chiffon dress in shades of cream and coffee, with matching shoes and bag (as was the fashion in Ireland at the time) and a huge hat. The hat was her only regret as it got bumped everytime someone tried to hug or kiss her.
My Mil wore a pale pink dress and jacket as that is what she wanted

Alwayswonderedwhy · 30/03/2025 11:46

Did you research the stylist first? Although that style is definitely popular with a lot of people in the UK there are plenty of other options. It's also a class thing, the outfits you're referring to are definitely more 'working class' (not meant as a negative, just an observation)

BIossomtoes · 30/03/2025 11:50

Alwayswonderedwhy · 30/03/2025 11:46

Did you research the stylist first? Although that style is definitely popular with a lot of people in the UK there are plenty of other options. It's also a class thing, the outfits you're referring to are definitely more 'working class' (not meant as a negative, just an observation)

Are they? Odd that they’re the kind of thing the royal family wear on formal occasions if that’s the case.

Calliecarpa · 30/03/2025 11:53

I'm really not a fan of the Carole Middleton-style MOB outfit either, but what on earth is that pink and orange monstrosity in the first post? It looks hideously cheap and nasty to me, especially paired with those awful white heels. God almighty. You couldn't pay me to wear that thing. The second dress the OP posted looks like something I'd pay a tenner for to wear on the beach on holiday and never look at again. And 'killer heels'? Awesome, great, let's encourage women to wear items of torture on their feet at their DC's wedding. 🙄

Coranne · 30/03/2025 11:54

AgathaX · 30/03/2025 10:09

Killer heels?
Why the hell would any woman want to torture themselves in such ridiculous footwear for a day.

It means statement heels

OP posts:
Coranne · 30/03/2025 11:57

MaggieBsBoat · 30/03/2025 10:04

I am jumping in just to say that it isn’t your opinion hat has hit a nerve OP it’s your delivery. I live in Europe and am married to a European ( as a Briton I am also European) and I am used to European delivery. OP your language and how you are delivering your points are rude and you can’t see it as you are not hearing it the way Britons hear it. It doesn’t matter how good your English is. It lacks nuance and it is rubbing people up the wrong way. Hitting that nerve as you say. You are just rude. That’s your problem.

Tbh I only really got combative when people started being rude to me (deleted comments).

I have a “controversial” opinion (which it’s not really) and some think that in and of itself is rude. Plenty of people have agreed

OP posts:
myplace · 30/03/2025 12:02

Coranne · 30/03/2025 08:50

The “lovely dresses” that have been shared.

Thankfully we have different tastes.

I still don’t get why some people think unflattering structured dress with a hat thrown on = formal/mob attire

Edited

I love those, except for the silver chiffon number.

They are perfect for a very formal daytime occasion. Buckingham palace, wedding, possibly graduation if you can be bothered.

It really is formal wear, to stand among men in morning suits.

FeelingLikeAFaultyNPC · 30/03/2025 12:05

Coranne · 29/03/2025 21:15

I’’m not. Just curious. it’s 2025, why is the go to for women in their 50s and 60s such an awful style??

Edited

Then you post that picture along with A gracefully placed, well made shawl is never dated. I think it’s the perfect thing to wear in the evening for a summer wedding.
I’m in my 50’s and think that looks very dated!

BIossomtoes · 30/03/2025 12:06

Coranne · 30/03/2025 11:54

It means statement heels

Wtf are ”statement heels”? Presumably they’re the heels that barely anyone can walk in and which are now virtually obsolete because they look so dated?

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