Why is the go to mother of bride outfit a hideous stiff coat dress with hat?

[Coranne]

No offence intended. But why do so many mother of the brides wear these horrible long coats with stiff dresses and a huge hat.

I took my mum to a wedding stylist (not cheap) and all she did was pull out outfits like the first image. I told the stylist I wanted my mum in something like the second outfit plus pashmina.

I’m British but my family is European by origin. Is it just tradition? The go to? It’s not even the most flattering. My mum is slim so I don’t get the knee jerk reaction to go for such a dated look

So confused!

Neither image is of my mum

I've secretly joined a couple of MOB -ish reselling Facebook groups because dp's daughter is planning her wedding. I'm afraid ive ended up staying to gawp now - theres a style that would never exist in any other context, and OMG the prices. I agree with you 100%. But any kind of dressing up is relatively rare in Britain now, so we don't really know how to do it. 20 years ago when I still invited people round to dinner, it was unusual to have anyone wear anything at all nice even then. We dress up for specific days only - the races, some weddings and some funerals. So of course people look for stuff that is 30 years out of date because that might be the last time they dressed up. And there are designers and stockists that cater purely to that market. Hatinators FGS.

I’ve asked why hat/coat dress is seen as the go to look. It’s pushed in shops. If people want to interpret that as me denigrating English stule then that says more about them

Is Berketex still a thing? And Jacques Vert?

They were my mum’s wedding go-tos.

By mid 50s the tops of one’s arms are not as good ( unless one goes to the gym)

I’d wear photo 2 if it had elbow length sleeves

Not everyone lives and breathes style and fashion though…

I agree with you about MOB defaults but I think if you have no experience of formal dressing, and have no imagination or idea about what might suit you, and if you have a less-than-perfect figure, then it’s a fairly safe ‘uniform’ for many older women. You go into Phase Eight, pick an ensemble and job done.

Fwiw I don’t think your second example dress is particularly flattering either. The fabric looks cheap, the shape and length would be unflattering on anyone short, the colours would be garish at a nice country wedding and on anyone with English-rose colouring and the shoes are hideous.

Ime, for example in Spain, a lot of wedding guests wear what we would consider evening dresses whereas for the more traditional British wedding it's daytime formal wear, very similar to what you'd wear to the races.

Your mum could probably look stylish in a paper bag OP. What about a personal shopper service at a department store that sells the kinds of things you'd like to see your mum in?

I think there also a lot of perceived rules and inhibitions when British women dress. People have mentioned arms, height, flabby bits etc. It’s no t like those things don’t exist in my home country. Peope definitely aren’t so afraid to show off less than perfect arms for example. It’s a less restrictive mentality. My mum is slim but has carried four kids so she has a bit of a middle. But it’s not going to force her to hide away. Her arms aren’t perfect but if she wants to wear short sleeves or no sleeves she will.

Because at traditional English weddings men wore morning suits and women hats and jackets/coats.
However you have taken a deeply frumpy and unflattering example of the coat dress and compared it to a stylish example of something women would wear to a wedding in Spain for example (although at one Spanish wedding I attended the women were even dressier). So not a fair comparison!
imo Wedding styles have become more relaxed in recent years at all but the highest profile formal weddings so your mum should wear what she wants.

I think that that ubiquitous coat dress and matching hat so beloved of Carol Middleton and Kate is to blame. It’s dullsville, but they carry it off as they’re both slim. On the average middle aged woman, it’s just frumpy.

My sister is Vinting (made up verb) her MIL's hat from a wedding about 10 years ago and that was Jaques Vert.

Personally I would just send it to the charity shop. Not being horrible, but no one wears that stuff anymore! I am 51 and the age to be MOB if any of my lot showed an interest in getting married (thankfully they dont) and I wouldnt wear it.

I think that, as an OP said, the stylist here was the problem. She heard "MOB" and went to that style automatically. What she doesnt seem to have caught on to is that MOB now were born in the 70's or 80's and we have our own styles that we are confident in.

I can see why the OP did it, as a sort of MOB "try on/dress shopping" like you do as a bride, but until the stylists catch up to the fact that we are not 80 years old and dressing like the late queen, its a waste of time.

@Coranne how old was the stylist? I rather suspect that she was in her twenties and views anyone over 45 as "old" because that is the age of her parents.

I think this is your perception again and you are assuming it applies to all British women that we are inhibited in some way? Undoubtedly some are more conscious than others. Many aren’t at all!

Oh please, do me a favour. Hideous, ugly and frumpy clothes that British women of a certain age wear as a uniform that your stylish European relatives wouldn't be seen dead in...Come on!

She was similar age to me, late 20s.

I was hoping she would give us food for thought and make us think of styles we had not considered. It seemed so convenient that she would have bought things for my mum to try on in a private space.

Going to have to figure out another time to hit the shops.

Hate to say it but that’s also the biggest difference between OP’s two pictures.

I’m going by what people have said 🤷

Looks ugly on a tall, skinny model too

This is absolutely not the go to in my home country. That is just a fact.

Not every woman is confident in her style, especially for such a high stakes event. For some MOB/Gs, it's the first time they've had to wear something 'formal' since their own wedding - and they're conscious that fashions have changed, their bodies and maybe hair colour has changed, plus there's the pressure of knowing they'll be photographed and looked at all day, plus a sense that if her husband is in a morning coat she should be in something equally structured and 'not every day wear', plus worrying about getting the balance right between looking smart but not doing a Raquel Welch...

Is it so surprising that a 'don't scare the horses' look has evolved, and people who aren't that into fashion have clung to it? As PP have said, the most obvious starting point for MOB/Gs is the last royal wedding, where a tailored coat dress and hat is still the go-to, even for younger royals like Zara Phillips.

What is weird is the way the outfits are always photographed on models young enough to be the bride's father's third wife, who is only two years older than her and has Caused a Lot of Tension Already.

Please can we have an example of your home country's MOTB style?

I was Mum of the Groom and looked at the expected outfits on Google and was horrified. I tend towards more of an alternative look and am lucky that someone I knew well was a costumier/dressmaker. I came up with some ideas, she added her knowledge and we went shopping for fabric together. I could not have been more delighted with the outfit and felt a million dollars and it probably cost me a whole lot less than some swanky shop. if you can go bespoke, do it. I have worn the outfit several times since.

I don't think that it looked ugly on the modrl, just dated. So what if it isn't what you'd wear in your home country? Just find something that is. Do you have a picture of a typical MOB outfit? There's been some shockingly bad outfits from European aristocracy at royal events.

I was just curious why “the look” has taken hold in the UK.

Where are you finding these outfits, op? Just stop googling motb 😂

Expected by whom? They are what some women choose but others truly won’t! I think finding a dressmaker you trust is also a fraught process. I think I will prefer a brand with products I already admire. What that costs won’t really matter but often looking smart isn’t remotely swanky. This is why French women look chic. They know how to dress but aren’t swanky in a show-off way. Classically chic is what I prefer.