I think your dh is probably having MH struggles too.
do you ever think about what taking the full responsisiblty for bread winning is like? The full burden of having to keep performance up to try to keep your salary in line with inflation and stagnated tax allowances. For circumstances you never agreed to do, never thought you’d have to deal with? .
I’m the wife in my case. Exh was diagnosed with severe and enduring mental condition. Psychotic illness . 10 years into our marriage. I spent the next 20 years solely supporting him and our dc. But with mental illness, it isn’t just earning is it? It is taking on being sole carer, sole parent, sole household admin, etc etc. it made me mentally ill. As it does for 50% of people caring for a partner with mental illness.
it broke my marriage in the end, as it does in 90% of marriages. Mental health teams were surprised we managed 20 years .
but if my husband had said to me, I needed to slog doing all this, shouldering all that burden, and then “give” his sibling money to support them…I’d have been gobsmacked . And certainly said you have to be kidding. Not even for a one off. Let alone as a reduced rent on income that could be used to take pressure and stress off my breadwinner role. There are times you can be generous to extended family - and this isn’t one of them.
i don’t know, frankly, how you persuaded him to do this. Your sister should be bloody embarrassed by his generosity frankly. For your sister to then continue to take money , and go on holiday is outrageous. If she has saved enough for this holiday, she should have paid it to him, for him to take you on holiday as a thank you. First. Only if she was able to increase her rent payment first, should she have considered taking holiday. I know a lot of people think going away on holiday is a right. It isn’t. Having holiday off work, sure, we all need that, but we can do vacating at home. All the time she is relying on hand outs she doesn’t have luxury of putting her wishes above your husbands wishes.
if I was your husband, I’d be putting rent up to market value and saying that she can obviously afford it, if she can save for holiday.
and I’d advise you to be very careful about how casually you are treating your husbands earnings and employment. Both wrt to your mental health, and your entitled view wrt your sister. It took me 30 years of marriage to realise my exh could and should have pulled his weight more , despite his severe illness . But I did divorce in the end. It’s funny how much more he now seems to do for himself, when he has to and can’t just abdicate everything to me becuase it’s easier than making an effort, or getting right help to overcome issues, or even complying with his medication.