DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

Yes, he has and it could be the death knell for your marriage. What did you do before you had children?

Can you blame him?

She’d have been better off giving your DH £1,500 as a massive thank you. I understand holidays are important but I’m Team DH here - I totally understand why he’s miffed.

So your husband is supporting your sister - I don't blame him for being peed off. £1500 is a lot of money. Is she married/have partner? Either way, they need to increase their earnings, second job if necessary. Why should your husband have to support her as well. Or could you help with childcare, as you're at home anyway, allowing her to work more hours?

This. And also what the reduction in the rent is - 5 or 10% for a good tenant who pays on time and doesn’t cause damage is reasonable.

50% and constant poor mouthing to explain why the rent is always late plus extra cash each month is not.

The OP started by saying ‘financially supporting’, switched to ‘slight reduction in the rent’ when the first got no sympathy and has ignored multiple posts asking if the financial support is the reduction or if there is cash on top and also what is meant by ‘slight’.

She has posted after the requests for additional information started so she is deliberately ignoring the questions.

That makes me think it is cash on top and that the reduction is not what a normal person would call ‘slight’. Happy to be corrected by the OP if I’m wrong.

OP says : He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

So definitely the OP's sister, not husband's sister.

@PeriMoan was responding to the question about the relative she and her DH are funding, not the OP’s relative.

This thread is unbelievable. You seriously need to get off your bottom and contribute financially. Your poor DH is carrying your whole bloody family.

One day he’s going to wake up and kick all your asses to the curb.

Jesus Christ. Is it too early for vodka? I need a drink

I tried going back after a complete breakdown in the 90's, I couldn't go back to that, so I found something I could do and Ive worked ever since

No wonder your DH is mad , I would be as well

Jeez you and your sister are a right pair - expecting one man to support you both

It’s understandable that your h is angry. He is supporting your sister (not you)
1.5k is a lot of money to spend on a luxury like a holiday when you’re broke and the fact that sister is not embarrassed to tell you the cost of the holiday says plenty.
Things are expensive and his salary is already supporting you to stay at home with the kids which is stressful enough.

Ah apologies 😳

I’m really not trying to upset you but why can’t you work? I myself suffer from anxiety, overwhelm and depression and I absolutely hate work but I manage to work 3 days a week to support my family. There’s no way I could fully rely on my DH financially. There was a time where like you I just couldn’t face it and had to rely on him and I hated it, can you find a job that fits in with childcare? What about volunteering at their school first then see if the can offer you something like mid day supervisor? You’ll only be in work for a few hours and will fit around the kids.

How old are your DC?

I can absolutely see how frustrating it must be to be working FT and paying for both your partner and her sister.

I have every sympathy for MH issues but I would not stay with a man who refused to work.

Your sister going on holiday isn’t really relevant because the bigger issue here is you refusing to work.

What are you doing to sort your MH issues out?

Both you and your sister are massively unreasonable

She's a sponging grabber and he's every right to be upset

He's, indirectly, financing a holiday he doesn't benefit from whilst losing out on rental income every month

YOU have MH struggles?
Are you getting any help for your MH?
What about your DH who is supporting you AND your sister financially?

I can see why he's hacked off. I wouldn't have tolerated it for this long and told her to take a long walk off a short pier long ago

YABVVU

Are you serious? £1.5k isn't a small amount of money for someone!

@Sallymeblue couldn’t cope with the pressure and stress 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. You and your sister are taking the mick.

You need to get a job and not be solely reliant on another human being and your sister can afford a rent increase of £150 a month.

Agreed! I would love to have £1.5k spare for a family holiday! Sadly we don’t have a cash cow financing our rent / paying our bills so we just have to make do.

Not really ...if he could and would charge a none family nember more for the property , then why is he unreasonable in feeling like he is subsidising op's sister?

Maybe he would rather take the risk of having a different tenant that isnt family and would pay more rent but is now in this situation that he can't get out of easily.

She is able to splash £1500 on a holiday, which is not a small amount of money.

Maybe op's husband is sick of being the one who financially takes the hit for everyone.

How much below market rate is sister paying?

Do you give her other support?

How much does DH earn?

How much lower?

If that's the only way you support her, slightly below market rent, then I think HIBU. My landlords are friends of my sister, I pay below market rent as they prefer to have people they know, who will look after their property and pay on time. I go abroad 3 or 4 times a year, I'm 99.9% sure they don't resent me because they "support" me!

Unless I’ve missed a post you’ve not provided enough info, is the reduced rent the only way he is financially supporting your sister or is he financially supporting her in other ways too?

I personally do not think renting to a relative at slightly below market rate counts as financially supporting said relative. So I think it a bit rich of your DH to be angry about a cheap holiday.

I think he’s actually angry that you unilaterally gave up work and your sister’s holiday is the fig leaf.

Fucking hell I would love to have 1.5k to drop on a holiday and it's mad you think that's not a reasonable amount of money.

You also sound like you could get a job tbh OP.

No wonder he's fed up.

OP hasn’t said what kind of value the ‘discount’ has been or whether her H gives cash in addition.