DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

Gosh, what have I just read? Seriously? Cash as well?

Also if the only “financial support” your sister gets is slightly below market rate then your husband is a nob. “Slightly below market rate” is still expensive in the private sector.

However I do understand his resentment towards you.

It sounds like your husband is feeling resentful because of the pressure of supporting everyone and the impact that has on his disposable income. My suggestion is that the rent should go up to nearer the market rate in, say, September, and you should look for a small part-time job that is low stress.

You can't cope with the pressure and stress of working.

Your sister can't cope with financing herself.

How do you think your husband feels? He is funding everyone and you have the audacity to be annoyed either him and your sister is taking the piss out of him.

You and your sister are both extremely sold absorbed and entitled.

Is it your sister or your husband’s sister?

I get how he feels. We were supplementing my DS and DiL monthly with their mortgage. They struggled at the end of each month, both working hard.

To visit and find that DiL had bought herself a personalised number plate for her new car, felt unreasonable.

Helping out when others prioritise their spending is one thing, spending on the unnecessary is another.

Allowing a family member to pay slightly reduced rent than you would charge non family is not financially supporting them😂😂. I was thinking more that you send her a couple of hundred a month or something.

Husband's sister.

I've never spent that much on a weeks holiday. Is that without spending money?

Op has already said she can't afford market rent. Best option would be to intentionally make her homeless so she gets housed by the council. At least she will be able to afford the rent and get her privacy back.

If she's that bad atanaging money your DH would be better off paying money off her electric for her than giving her cash she doesn't manage well.

Are you getting support for your mental health @Sallymeblue ?

Was it you on your own or with husband and child/ren. I am as tight as they come and not even I can find a cheap holiday even Butlins is pricey for the shit you get in there. Unless it's camping of course that's a cheap holiday but my family hate camping.

Your sister is taking the piss. Your husbands been a saint to spend all that time (and money!) supporting her. If he has any sense he won’t give her another penny!

Re the holiday. We’ve booked two weeks abroad for 2k but we have worked hard and saved for it.

I couldn’t ever imagine taking money from family.

Op has said nothing about financial support her sister rents from them.

He is supporting you and your sister.

He is being taken for a mug here

He'd be better off not giving it to her and making her stand on her own two feet. With both her and her husband working, and one teenager who doesn't need childcare etc, but I can't see what they are spending their money on. Well actually I can. They are both the type who had to spend any money they have. They got one of those missold ppi payouts a few years ago, and proceeded to spend it on a holiday. Lovely, if you're fully supporting your family. Not so much if you've been getting hand outs from daddy all these years, and now from your brother.

She always had her father wrapped round her little finger. He bought get cars etc. Always played the damsel in distress.

YABVU

You don’t work due to mental health issues- so presumably this was not the plan prior to having children or by mutual agreement? It’s happened by default- perhaps entirely reasonably if you have exhausted all available treatment (pharmacological and psychological therapies etc) and are still unable to work- so I can imagine in that scenario your husband may be feeling unhappy.

Add in that you as a family are providing financial support to your sister and it’s no wonder he is angry that she’s going on holiday. Cheap and cheerful or otherwise, holidays are a luxury you can’t afford if you need to rely on your brother in law and sister to financially support your day to day living costs. I’m pretty gobsmacked you can’t see that.

I entirely understand why your husband is angry. As any support you give your sister is from family income, you can’t continue to support her without his agreement- so you are going to have to come to one. In his shoes, I’d be suggesting reducing support going forward with an aim to stopping in a set period if time. If you want to support her, you’ll have to do so out of your own personal income, not family income.

As an aside, if your husband is feeling resentful of being the sole earner whilst you are SAHM, you need to address this. Have you genuinely exhausted all therapeutic options, for your own sake if nothing else? Are you genuinely incapable of doing any form of employment? I think being the sole earner when this was not the plan is hard going. If I knew my partner had exhausted all possible avenues of treatment and support and was genuinely unfit for work due to chronic health problems, I’d try to make peace with it. If I felt they had not tried everything, leaving me to do it all, I think I would be very resentful and I’m not sure if the marriage would last. In either scenario being the sole earner and partially supporting your sister in law is likely somewhat exasperating. If they then had a holiday whilst I’m was helping meet daily living expenses, I’d be incandescent too.

Add in that you as a family are providing financial support to your sister and it’s no wonder he is angry that she’s going on holiday. Cheap and cheerful or otherwise, holidays are a luxury you can’t afford if you need to rely on your brother in law and sister to financially support your day to day living costs. I’m pretty gobsmacked you can’t see that.

@jacks11 Op has said nothing about financial support only that her sister rents a flat from them. He probably feels that she owes him for letting her pay under the market value.

Holiday cottage last year in North Devon in May £500.00. It slept 4 people. same cottage for a week in July this year is £810.00 - I've just checked

'We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. '

You don't work so there is no 'we' about it, HE has been supporting her.

What an absolute piss take.

Depends if it is a joint marital asset they are renting out and it is just that it is both of them.

there at the moment isn’t enough informstion

Yep - somehow I completely missed the “in law” bit.

Doh! I shall blame these new glasses.

I mean I’m sorry. But I agree with him

if she has got 1.5k spare from saving money on the rent which you subsidies. Then yes….i would be cross