DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

Get treatment for your mental health and get a job and support your own family.

Your husband is becoming resentful and the free ride is probably going to be ending soon for both you and your sister

OP are your safety certificates in place? Do you declare this income?

"OP are your safety certificates in place? Do you declare this income?"

RTFT She doesn't have any income....

Rental income is income. It needs to be declared.

"Rental income is income. It needs to be declared"

Think a little bit harder about this one....hint: WHO needs to declare it.....

I'm not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse here but the OP implied the properties belonged to both her and her husband. Whatever income comes in from that needs to be declared. If op not working means there's no tax to pay it makes no difference. It still needs to be declared as an income.

😵‍💫

You've opted out of work and your sister is being subsidised by your husband? Including holidays now apparently.

You need to get back to work and your sister needs to try an help herself as well. Your DH is paying out without any assistance from you. TIme to stop using 'anxiety' and 'stress' as an excuse and make it happen

All answered if you read the OP’s posts.

Darling, no harm, your aren't fortunate , you are a lazy CF to put it mildly

Can you not hear yourself?

That poster is saying, you know life is fucking shit, it don't get any tougher, yet she's had to put on her big girls knickers and get on with it - go out and earn

Sorry but "MH" seems to be the new bad back

There seriously is no reason on this earth that you can not get out and find a job and contribute, FFS its never been so easy to find a work from home job

You find kids and work stressful? Try working, caring for elderly parents, having to do child care for grandchildren ( so parents can work ) , coping with a still working husband who's becoming more disabled by the day while he's on the wait list for his op.

Im doing that, Im being the major earner - on PT hours on NMW

I have to scratch and scrape because its only my earnings that are guaranteed and if DH's disability gets worse then I will have to take on more hours somewhere , somehow

Yes, we own a few BTL and it's all declared

I haven't opted out of anything.
I am unwell and cannot work. If my husband didn't have a high paying job, I'd be on benefits.

"I'm not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse here but the OP implied the properties belonged to both her and her husband"

In the sense they are married she does. The op is not being a sahm to support her husband's career and since she has no employment i wonder whose money "they" used to buy the rental property....

I wondered the same

That is true agents take 10-15% +VAT for sweet FA so in that respect this is a good arrangement for both her and you. I wouldn’t even call it giving her money or supporting her as it’s cost neutral. We don’t use an EA and pass this onto the tenants, and they are strangers that we vet ourselves.
So unless there are other regular things you pay for it sounds like he’s annoyed at something else. Maybe he hates work and is jealous of you being a SAHM for so long, or he’s nervous about losing his job/ cost of living.
You need to ask him and discuss how you might contribute, even if it’s part-time. I don’t know how you are unwell but you might surprise yourself if you give it another go. Perhaps volunteer first, to build up your confidence and skills and to see if you might be able to work a little. It might be a success or it might be impossible but it might be worth at least discussing it.

does what she’s paying cover all the outgoings on the property or is your husband having to make up the shortfall?

"I couldn't cope with the pressure and stress." You wouldn't and shouldn't be on benefits for that. Thankfully Starmer is stopping that freeloaders charter. Although fortunately you're freeloading (just like your sister) on your DH. He needs to reassess his one way relationship with you.

Not coping with the 'pressure and stress' isn't a great excuse. There are mechanisms to assist you there.
Pretty much everyone who works has periods of pressure and stress 🙄

To be honest OP if you have multiple BTL as you have said here- then whether or not you work is your business in my opinion, not mumsnetters. You clearly aren’t hard up as a couple. Personally I’m not pro not working for all kinds of reasons , but I think whether or not your sister has an under market rent isn’t really the issue- I think you need to find if this resentment from your H relates to your not working or if it’s genuinely that he begrudges letting to them under market rent and seeing them go on a rare trip away because to me for a guy that’s clearly very comfortably off it all seems rather mean minded and spiteful and I personally don’t like tightness in well off people within family. I don’t think they are taking the piss if this was the arrangement but as I said it does depend on what spirit this under market rent arrangement was entered- to me it benefits both ways

originally I had sympathy for him as it came over from your original post that he was paying for ‘all their expenses’ and it was tight for yourselves- and that clearly isn’t the case .

Of course he's not being unreasonable. Why should he fund her? You don't earn so he is solely contributing to her. I get you might want to help out if she's struggling but she can't then go on holiday. I'm not surprised your DH is cross. He needs to stop giving her money. He should not, however, be getting angry with you.

So your sister gets cheap rent, £350 below market value, occasional shopping bought fir her and birthday gifts which I assume by that you mean your DH buys them for her because she can’t afford to. But she can afford a £1.5k holiday?

You keep saying “it’s only a little money” No its not, it’s a lot of bloody money and money being paid by your DH not you!

im a SAHM so I don’t have a issue with that, but your saying it’s not a joint family decision to have you home, you claim you can’t work, in which case you need to claim pip for your contribution. Right now your DH is supporting his family and helping support your sister. YADBU! It would be different if he was happy with the decision but he clearly isn’t.

She shouldn't be entitled to PIP.

But the OP has a point if he decides to not rent to her sister he will presumably go via an estate agent whose fees are one assumes similar to the £350 a month (10-15% is reasonable) and the fees for getting someone else in

is there a tenancy agreement in place as well? So if they did leave (as one assumes they would if have to pay market value)

this started as been mutually beneficial but clearly the DH wants to put further restrictions on it which he can’t do

clealry with multiple BTLs they have quite a lot of money coming in

So to get this straight
-you are married
-your OH earns well
-you used to work but don’t currently due to a health issue
-you joint own some buy to let properties as well as your main home
-therefore you are not short of ££
-your sister rents one of your properties. She pays slightly under MV - over half of which - possibly even 75% - would have gone to an estate agent if you let it via one of them
-I guess she has not paid a deposit ?
-your OH is bitching about your sis going on a rare break
-niether he nor you are giving her or her family any handouts or paying for them in anyway?
-what’s the problem?!

he is being an arse. Unless there is something you are not telling us.

you should ask him what the problem is. If the facts are as I summarise above the problem is not her taking a holiday. The problem is something else.
is he looking for a reason to be annoyed?

The problem is something else. is he looking for a reason to be annoyed?

The problem is the OP does not work and does not contribute to the household.