DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

You need to work qnd then you can choose to financially support your sister with your income. Spending your husband's money is not OK. Many people struggle mentally with working but still have to - you need to just find the best balance you can, a job which is minimally stressful and works beSt for the logistics of your family. I get that on the face of it getting angry over her going on holiday feels unreasonable, which in a way it is as she should get to choose how to spend her money. But if she can afford that money then she could pay higher rent so your DH wouldn't have to struggle so much.

Get a job - any job.

I am totally with your DH on this one - You need to get some help for your MH issues, many people with support are able to work.

Your sister needs to pay what is due each month and not go on holiday. If she can afford 1500 pounds for a short break you can now withdraw financial support.

Ultimately I can see why he is pissed off as I would be too.

So the financial support is only charging a small discount on rent? That isn't really financial support at all. Many, many renters are charged a lot below market rent because decent landlords don't raise rent ever for reliable tenants. When I was a tenant, this was the case for me for many years, and also is the case for several people and neighbours I know, which restores my faith in landlords. Many believe it is unethical to be a landlord for profit, to want to profit from family is wrong.

Now if your sister was taking an allowance or borrowing money regularly that would be different. If you and your husband can't afford to go on holiday then I also see why he might be upset, but it sounds like this might be to do with you not working, and that is why you can't afford holidays?

Sometimes that’s where your jobs are, sometimes the rental market price shoots up due to low supply up and the kids are already settled in local schools. It’s not as simple as you suggest. Pretty much every commuter area to London has pricing like that or more, yet salaries won’t necessarily reflect the higher living costs.

I am very sorry that you're going through this. I know, I am very fortunate.

You AND your sister are taking the piss.

It is hard to say whether £350 a month truly is subsidising her as, as other have said, you have guaranteed payment, long term tenant, someone who will look after the property, no management fees, and presumably a tenant easy to deal with. If I had a property to rent, I’d take a discount on the rent to get Tenant like that tbh. Whether £350 is a large or small amount it is impossible to say based on the information. That £4000 could easily be swallowed up by a tenant not paying their rent and then eviction costs etc.

I don’t think it therefore unreasonable for the sister to have a break.

I think the issue here is the OP not working tbh.

Are you ever planning to work again?

We would need to involve EA if we were to rent it on the open market and they could take their cut. Although the 350 seems a lot, the net difference is fairly small.

Her sister

This would be fine if they were both working full time. They're not. He goes to work. She doesn't. So isn't it fair she does all the work at home. The kids are at school

Why would you need EA? You don't need someone to manage it. You need to get the background checks done but the tenant can pay you directly you don't need a middleman. These are often expensive and are not worth what they charge

350 below what? 350 below 3500 isn't huge, 350 below 700 is massive.

Husband’s sister. I was asking that PP not OP.

Millions of people with anxiety and other health conditions work, including myself. Get a job and start sharing the financial workload, I'm surprised your husband hadn't had enough with you.

As for your sister, she needs to get a better paying job and stop leeching off others.

If the rent is low because she cannot afford to pay more then she shouldn't be spending the money on a holiday but if this is just a family and friends rate then it is generous but not fair to expect they can never go on holiday because of it.

Your DH is essentially subbing your family if you don't work so I understand why he is annoyed.

Perhaps you need to revisit the arrangement.

Any reason why you and your sister are freeloaders?

Maybe they’re opting out of work and freeloading because it’s all too stressful?

So maybe you need to break that link. Your sister goes to her own place and your husband takes his chance with the open market and agents fees.

That could be a pension contribution or half savings / half pension contribution for you.

As a landlord myself I bet the EA cut plus all the other fees and checks you have to pay for now (Gas safety, electrical reports, fire safety changes) is more than covered by this "shortfall". Also I assume he's not declaring this on his tax return as opposed to it being necessary if through a EA (since they report details to HMRC). You guys are probably befitting from this arrangement financially significantly and if so, YABU.

You don't want to shoulder any responsibility do you?

Where I work, we get the option to take a pro-rata cut to our gross pay, and get extra annual leave entitlement, up to 10 days a year.
If your DH did that, how many days off could he buy with the £4,200 rent reduction that he's giving your sister?
If you view it like that, can you understand why he's getting frustrated with the situation?

It is most definitely fair but I think the poster maybe meant of her DH thinks she does nothing at home, stop running the home to prove that being a SAHM isn't just chilling out doing nothing.

Bizarre on pretty much every level. Yabvvu

I'm a landlord and haven't ever used a EA. More than one property, it's not difficult.