DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

I'm calling reverse.

How slightly? And you're not actually giving them any money?

If it's, say, 25% or less and no further cash given, it's bizarre for DH to think they don't deserve a holiday once in a while. Especially if you're still making a profit as a landlord.

If that’s all it is. The OP has carefully ignored multiple people asking exactly that. She’s also ignored everyone asking what is meant by a ‘slight’ discount.

Still happy to be corrected, OP.

What’s the reason you guys support her and how comfortable financially are you ?

I don't blame your DH. Too many people using MH as an excuse and expect to be carried by family and the state.

Also did the dh even rant to rent to the sister full stop?

Some people would rather it not be someone they know because if they skip the rent or don’t pay in full or like to “help” by bodge fixing. Also getting to see someone living in it and not looking it after how you would like. Where as an agent to a stranger is more back of mind.

All the normal landlord costs will still apply such as gas safety, insurances the only thing his saving is agent fee’s but his also loosing income.

So, your DH is supporting both you and your sister ? She’s now gone on holiday on his handouts? I don’t blame him, being fed up. 🙄

Sorry OP but I can understand your hubbys point of view. He works, you don’t, He subsidises your sister and then she takes her family on holiday. You can’t go back to work because of stress so you don’t earn but can’t understand his frustration in the financial situation.

It isn’t his job to financially support your sister and effectively subsidise their holiday while you don’t contribute.

I'm with your DH. No wonder he's pissed off. Wife doesn't work, there's plenty of jobs that don't cause pressure and stress. Your kids are at school, you should get a part time job if you want to finance your sister and not put is all on your DH.

The poor guy has two people sponging off him. If he posted on here I’d be telling him to remove himself from this toxic situation and leave both you and your sister to get jobs which enable you to support yourselves. Unbelievable situation.

So @Sallymeblue- answer the question multiple people have asked you, which makes all the difference:

Is reduced rent the only financial support she gets from you? Or does she get anything else?

You seem to be purposefully ignoring this question.

I don’t think the OP is going to respond to any of the questions posed. I don’t think being a SAHM when the children are of school age is a good thing if you have mental health issues. Being on your own, without anything to occupy you other than housework would be boring at best. Unless, of course, OP is spending money on going out/shopping or whatever.

Whatever the truth of it, I think it’s quite reasonable of OP’s husband to be fed up with the situation. It’s not a good one to be in for any of you.

You and sister are spongers on an entirely different level

Yep, the cheeky fucker klaxon is on max volume with those two.

I can sort of see why your husband resents you not earning and the situation with your sister may be a final straw.
As ever the devil is in the detail, if you are not in paid employment but are volunteering as a step towards work, or are studying or working on your confidence to help with getting a job then he is maybe in the wrong. If you are not working and view that as a permanent situation then I can understand his concern. A setup which was workable a few years ago may not be as successful with COL increases.
Ignoring the financial aspects I would really encourage you to take steps back to some work for your own sake, staying home is good for mental health in the short term but detrimental in the long term. Been there and left it too long!

It sounds like your DH is stressed & resentful due to being the sole breadwinner in your family and subsidising another.
The fairly cheap holiday is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Are either you or your DSis doing anything proactive to help your situations? Is she trying to get higher paid employment? Are you getting therapy or doing voluntary work to ease you back into employment? Do you receive benefits for your mental health?

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

You saw him coming.

Thing is people without mental health issues are capable of becoming stressed out and burned out - it just takes longer.

I'd worry if I were you.

To be honest he must be starting to think that you and your sister were cut from the same piece of cloth!

When you say your sisters family, do you mean her and her children or her and a partner? If she has children why isn’t their father contributing to their finances?

You’re not a SAHM if your children are in school. You’re unemployed.

How did you and your sister plan to get by if you hadn’t met your husband?

How much is your DH actually subsidising the rent? In that most people I know with rental properties tend to prefer a regular tenant who looks after the property and keeps it up together, and pays on time every time, over the possibility of flighty tenants who don't always pay/have to be evicted leaving the property owner with a gap with no tenant AND having to decorate/replace things to get it back to rental state - and which costs a lot more in the long run. So many I know have really good tenants and are rolling the rent on well below the current inflated market rent.

My second point is if he had to use a letting agent their fees typically are 10-15% per month - so by letting to a relative he's effectively getting the same ££ in rental as he would through an agency, but is effectively allowing your sister a reduction of 10-15%.
If your sister is only paying 5-10% less then I'd be telling your DH he's actually making MORE ££ over a 10-15% letting agency .

Now, as to yourself, can you look at doing something in perhaps in school so term time only which will help with childcare, on a voluntary basis to get yourself into a position where you could use that experience as relevant to obtaining a paid for position, and also to help you to adjust into getting into work? Many schools need lunchtime controllers too - that's usually paid. Can you find a work coach who can help you? Or look at what you did before? Anything you can use there to refresh your knowledge or retrain into a similar or better role? I do think just the act of retraining will help you assimilate into 'work mode'
Or if you truly cannot face people, consider setting up as a dog walker. You'll need insurance but the best thing is going for a walk daily is good for mental health. You can be picky about the dogs you walk - I have a friend only does smallish dogs, and you'll need to have dogs used to kids for when you need to take the kids with you in the holidays, but there's plenty of demand and not that much supply in some areas so hopefully you should be able to find some work. You don't need a licence to do it, but you must have insurance. However, if you offer additional services such as pet boarding or dog sitting from your home, you will need to obtain a licence from your local council.

1.5 isn’t cheap!!!

I'd be livid if I were in the husband's shoes in this scenario.

It’s time to get a job - quite honestly if it was me being leeched on by two people I’d be squirrelling away a fuck you fund to leave. Maybe that’s what he’s planning.

You need to work. If he gets burn out you and your sister are fucked.

Your MH issued need to be worked on or he's going to need to kick your sister out to subsidise your lack of input.