Parents asking for money

[Throughitall]

I pay my parents mortgage as they got to mortgage renewal and couldn’t afford it due to being retired. I took the house over and pay interest only. They agreed to pay living expenses. My brothers chose not to get involved or suggested to spilt the interest but I take the mortgage out in my name but avoided that as it would get complicated. Now five years later parents want me to pay 100£ of their living expenses per month. I don’t have it. I suggested selling the house and they can have the equity in it which I got (to cover the mortgage interest). It won’t last long but not sure what to do. They just turned 70. I simply don’t have it. They haven’t asked my brothers who are extremely well off. One lives in Hong Kong. The first time my mother called and I said I was experiencing lots of costs due to a move and gap in jobs which has been somewhat stressful. Large costs happened close together eg laptop broke, pipe bursts, medical costs, roof costs. My DP pays my rent at the moment. I said I can’t help. 2 weeks later my father called asking again. In May they are going to Hong Kong then Singapore for 2 weeks to visit my bother and my nephews. Paid for by my brother. AIBU to think this is strange behaviour. My father said it’s been sleepless nights. I also said same my side. They said my job should pay enough. My house that I own is also rented out but the rent doesn’t cover the mortgage and expenses. They said I’m renting out my house now so should have funds. I was told to politely send a message to my mother again saying I can’t pay.

They should have saved more money while they were working. It seems very strange their mortgage becomes unaffordable when rates now are basically what they were before they collapsed during Covid.

equally the mortgage shouldn’t be that large if they’ve had the house a number of years.

In short, no extra £100 and 6 months notice you’ll stop paying the mortgage.

I’m sorry but your parents need to live within their means not sponge off of you all the time & you must get some legal advise as to where you stand with this mortgage in the event of their deaths because your brothers will swoop in for their cut from the estate quickly & unless your on the deeds etc you funding their inheritance!!! Get help now whilst you can x

I just can’t get over the fact that your parents retired at 65 without a plan to pay the mortgage themselves! The cheeky fuckers. I mean, your brothers are bad enough but your parents are the worst ones here. Even at 70 they should have part time jobs to pay for their own financial responsibilities rather than scrounging off you. This has to stop OP and the house needs to be sold. Tough shit if they don’t like it.

I'm confused .. they can't budget themselves and have gotten themselves in strife .. but seemed to have worked out your budget and what you can and cannot afford?! WTF!

Disentangle yourself from ANY financial dealings with them ASAP. They will drag you down with them. Refuse any more financial assistance as they've already bled you dry. There are benefits in Britain if they really need them, including housing benefit if they need to rent somewhere and can't afford to. Let their house be sold as they can't afford it. Don't be the solution going forward. They are treating you as a soft touch when you can't afford it yourself.

Quite absurd, stupid, selfish and slothful. With a strong case of undeserved entitlement too.

Don’t.

one call is one thing but

one call for you to pay the mortgage
one call for you to give money
one call for you to give money AFTER you said no.
one call to ask for a text confirming you won’t do it

😳

Don’t send the text. That is just weird to ask that. I would suspect them wanting to use it against you in some way. Even if it is « just » to show it to your brother when they come visit…

blantly shameless.

Sorry op.

You gave your student loan to your parents!?!

They have to make some grown up choices. You aren't responsible for finding their lifestyle. Its nice if you can manage but you can't. I think you need to sit them down work out their budget and if you can how much you can budget to help. The find what you can do with that otherwise this will end you in your bankruptcy

OMFG n they say the young ones are entitled !!!

Id email both brothers stating the situation that you can only just afford the property. Parents are asking for money which you don't have and they need to have a discussion with parents.

If your parents only have their state pension, they will also be entitled to pension credit, council tax benefit and winter fuel grant. Contact Age UK or citizens advise bureau for advice on how to claim these benefits.

How is she claiming means tested benefits ( pension credits ) when she has given her home to you? I would be really careful here. Look up deprivation of capital rules.

Simply put your parents are an absolute disgrace, 70 and they haven't got their affairs in order, Im 45 and now sorting everything so when I die she has to worry about nothing but planning ahead which is hopefully afew years off yet.

Not necessarily true at all. If they both get the new state pension amount (which would be around £444 a week ) that comes to way more than the couples pension credit limit ( £332.95 a week ) unless they both get disability benefits or are carers which can make the applicable amount more.

You need to tell them to fuck off. They're abusing your good nature.

Stop paying anything right now. They are not grateful. It's disgusting.

What does OP mean by ‘took over’ payment of mortgage on the parent’s? property. So parents live free in the property?

Or does ‘take over’ mean the title legal ownership to the property assigned to OP so she now owns the property and the mortgage?

So parents live there rent free?

If that’s so then HMRC will see this property as a gift back to the parents.

And as noted OPs DP is funding by default the mortgage. And if OP is as vague and muddled with him then he will not have realised yet.

I may not have understood.

But OP is in urgent need of financial advice because it seems to me she is being ripped off big time.

It’s awful! My mum would never dream of asking me for money like that. If they’re 70 they should have state pensions plus any work related pensions. If they’re can’t manage they need to get advice from the CAB and get pension credit and/or housing benefit. They need to live in the real world. If you spend all your money when you are younger, don’t expect your kids to help you out when it’s all gone - it’s outrageous. Your brothers should help too. They should most certainly downsize if that’s possible.

As far as I am aware (and correct me if I'm wrong) but you can't claim housing benefit on a family owned property so that wouldn't work. FWIW I still don't think you should bankroll your parents if you can't afford it of course.

This. Plus what most other people have said. What kind of irresponsible parent expects their adult child to cover their housing costs and their living expenses? It's all utterly wrong. They've had their entire working lives to prepare for their retirement and they've decided to scrounge from you instead. What a shameless pair of cheeky fuckers. Tell them to ask your brothers, or, better still, downsize, get their affairs in order and be adults! I'm furious on yout behalf, OP.

Your parents are absolutely shameless @Throughitall
There is no excuse for them not having arranged their finances properly particularly not having paid off their mortgage and not having put money into some sort of pension. I have a lot of sympathy for younger people who have to contend with impossibly high house prices, far less well paid, secure jobs, a requirement to get into tens of thousands of pounds of debt in order to get many jobs, etc. Things were so much better for people now in their 70s. A couple of this age who haven't paid off their mortgage and (allegedly) have no pensions have messed things up pretty badly (barring unusually bad luck). Their level of entitlement in expecting you to fund their poor choices when you are already so stretched yourself is shocking.

You need to email your brothers and be totally honest about the current situation. I hope they support you and that you can come together to form a plan of how to communicate with your parents.

As an aside, whose name is the property in? I hope you took proper legal advice about this before starting to pay the mortgage on it.

Your parents are being unreasonable. Not only can they can not afford the house, they can't afford the upkeep. They need to move to something smaller or in a cheaper area, where they can afford to live. Please do not cave to pressue from your parents or your siblings, who have done nothing to help.

I think they should sell up and find something cheaper. They are living beyond their means. I do wonder what culture you are from however, this can make a difference. My partner is Indian and his mum has never worked. All 7 of his siblings, even the ones who don’t live at home, give their mum £300+ a month. She’s living a very good life and apparently this is the norm. I don’t agree with it, but if it’s culturally normal for you to pay for your parents that makes a difference. Brothers need to pay up
though.