Parents asking for money

[Throughitall]

I pay my parents mortgage as they got to mortgage renewal and couldn’t afford it due to being retired. I took the house over and pay interest only. They agreed to pay living expenses. My brothers chose not to get involved or suggested to spilt the interest but I take the mortgage out in my name but avoided that as it would get complicated. Now five years later parents want me to pay 100£ of their living expenses per month. I don’t have it. I suggested selling the house and they can have the equity in it which I got (to cover the mortgage interest). It won’t last long but not sure what to do. They just turned 70. I simply don’t have it. They haven’t asked my brothers who are extremely well off. One lives in Hong Kong. The first time my mother called and I said I was experiencing lots of costs due to a move and gap in jobs which has been somewhat stressful. Large costs happened close together eg laptop broke, pipe bursts, medical costs, roof costs. My DP pays my rent at the moment. I said I can’t help. 2 weeks later my father called asking again. In May they are going to Hong Kong then Singapore for 2 weeks to visit my bother and my nephews. Paid for by my brother. AIBU to think this is strange behaviour. My father said it’s been sleepless nights. I also said same my side. They said my job should pay enough. My house that I own is also rented out but the rent doesn’t cover the mortgage and expenses. They said I’m renting out my house now so should have funds. I was told to politely send a message to my mother again saying I can’t pay.

OP Your parents are cheeky fuckers. Stop paying everything now. All you are doing now is enabling them to keep living a lifestyle above their means. They need to sell the house and get appropriate benefits. They are taking advantage of you and clearly are not grateful at all. You cannot afford to keep doing this and you are endangering your own future financial security if you continue. They could potentially live for another 20 years!

I think she is paying the interest free mortgage on her parents house for them ( and they are asking her for living expenses on top), the OP also owns another property which she rents out but this doesn’t cover the cost of her mortgage, she lives in a third rented property where her partner pays the rent.

It’s a financial mess.

She did say she owns the propert, and that parents live in a property owned by family (OP), so that poster was correct about that bit

Why would OP let her parents rent out the house that SHE owns? As opposed to their own?

This is INSANE

The parents could not claim HB if they live in a house owned by a close family member ie the OP. There are very clear restrictions on renting out a property to a close family member who then claims HB. Because if that was a thing we would all do it!

Sell the house. Find a suitable rental property for them. Let them then claim pension credit and housing benefit, and all the extras they'll be entitled to as on pension credit.
You'll all be better off.

No, OP says it's her mortgage - she would need to own the house if she has a mortgage on it.
OP hasn't said how long the parents owned the house before she bought it off them, and how much the equity in the house is worth.
I'm not sure whether it's the parents ripping OP off, or vice versa as OP hasn't given us enough info.
The siblings not helping out suggests to me that they may think she has a VERY good deal out of it, and that she should support them more if she stands to make out of this in the long term.

I don't think the parents have a house any longer- If OP took out a mortgage on the house that the parents live in, then they must have transferred ownership to her.

You own their house you're only paying the interest on, as well as a house you rent out but the rent doesn't cover that mortgage and your boyfriend is paying all the rent on the house you actually live in. You had to borrow money from your parents last year, but this year they're asking you for more money.

You all sound financially irresponsible/incompetent. FFS see a financial advisor ASAP. This is way too precarious a position for any of you to be in. I think at the lease your parents need to downsize (in a over 55 flat maybe - cheap and you'll get no inheritance but at least they'll have secure housing you're not paying for), and you need to sell the house you're renting.

I hope you took legal/financial advice when you entered into this arrangement.

They should take their trip to your DBs on a one way ticket, you sell the house, end of story.
The obviously can't manage financially in the UK so the solution is your well-off DB steps up and they live with him.

Because if she is renting it to strangers but not covering costs, and also paying her parents’ mortgage, it might save her money?

This seems very complicated - so your parents don't own any property and you 'bought' their property off them with the understanding their equity in the house would cover their rent for life?
I think they need to speak to your dbs about some assistance. I have 4dc and am not in the best financial position, one of my dds helps out with the costs of one of the activities my youngest dd does. Dm helps out with another. I do work a minimum wage zero hours job and exdh sits on his backside doing nothing but still living with me.
I can imagine if I live long enough to retire that I might ask my dc for some help but only if really necessary and if they could afford. I certainly wouldn't demand it though.

I strongly suspect that the O/P @Throughitall is Chinese? There is the Confucian tradition of “filial piety” to respect ones ancestors and parents to make their lives more comfortable…ie. They raised you and there is the expectation that you do good things for them in their old age.

I lived for a few years in Singapore and whilst I was there a law was passed called the “Maintenance of Parents Act” (24 Nov 1995). This Act “provides for Singapore residents aged 60 years old and above who are unable to subsist on their own, to claim from their children who can support them but are not doing so.

Parents can (and do) sue their children for lack of maintenance, in the form of monthly allowances or a lump-sum payment. The Act also constituted the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents to review applications brought by parents” (Source www.nlb.gov.sg )

In Singapore there is no social security and families are expected to pool their resources if someone in the family is unable to work, whether aged or disabled….in the past there weren’t pension plans and usually it’s the eldest son and spouse who were/are expected to house/support the parents. I sense that the O/P has family connections with Singaporeans and chatter amongst the wider family is filial piety and the requirement for elders to be supported, financial or otherwise.

I don’t know how long the parents of the O/P have been in the UK but I’m guessing they are first generation immigrants (from HK?) and weren’t able to build up a decent pension fund in the UK?

What I really don’t understand is why the daughter is expected to show filial piety yet the sons don’t. Some kind of pride from the parents who see girls as a lesser being perhaps?

She isn’t paying her parents mortgage, she is paying her own mortgage as she owns that house, and her parents live in it rent free. The parents do not own a house anymore

What if they can’t afford to help you? Could you not change jobs now to earn more for the future?

Hopefully I won't need their help! It's not easy looking for another job atm, after being a SAHM for years and I'm going blind, I'm 60 in a few months. I would ideally like to buy out exdh, do the house up, sell it after youngest dd leaves school and move into a smaller house near dd1, who is a senior gynaecologist, to help her and her dh with childcare. But the best laid plans .....

Hi! I am in a similar situation. My mother owned her house but couldn’t afford necessary work needed and couldn’t find somewhere she was happy to downsize to. She has poor health (physical and mental) and mobility. Four years ago she transferred the deeds to me and I have a small mortgage on the property to pay for the work required. I couldn’t afford the mortgage without paying off some debts so did it all with. The remortgage. I now have a mortgage and I pay rent… my mother is eligible for pension and pension credit but due to her physical health needs gets attendance allowance (she has a home help) and she also gets the disability element on pension credit. Ironically she could now afford the mortgage!

I would check what benefits they are entitled to? I would also check whether the mortgage allows you to charge them rent as they could potentially claim universal credit to pay rent? I haven’t gone down this route though if situation changes in the future I may have to.

for anyone that asks my situation was dealt with properly- we both got legal advice! It’s not ideal but given that my mums health is poor it’s been the best option

What a lovely daughter you've been. However I would gently say they've taken advantage of you. How irresponsible and feckless they have been not to prepare for their retirement and lay the burden on your shoulders.

Hopefully you'll realise by now that actually benefits for retirees who have absolutely nothing are pretty generous - get them out of your house, into rented and they'll get everything covered - rent, council tax, pension credit, free dentistry, free optician etc.

Usually the reverse is true and decent parents support their children rather than the other way round. You've done your best, but it's impacting on your life and finances - draw a line OP - and get them out. They're very poor parents indeed and don't deserve any more support.

They wouldn’t be able to claim UC for rent on a properly they used to own and their child now owns, UC don’t allow that. Plus when you are past pension age UC changes anyway, if they rented elsewhere I think it would be housing benefit not UC covering rent.

Oh I hadn’t realised that! In that case they need to apply for housing benefit, and if they can’t get it there (not sure of the rules re renting from family) then they need to move so that Op can either live there herself or rent it to people who pay! Her parents sound quite unbelievably selfish alas.

@Roaminginthegloaming dd2 has married into a family from Singapore. They have chosen to keep their ds's hair long and when they went out with his parents his dm brought out a hair cutting kit and wanted to cut his hair. She said that was within her remit as the gm. Needless to say that didn't happen!

Elderly parents are not reasonable or clear thinking about this stuff quite often, you have to be firm.

My widowed mum some years back asked me for a small (£50/ month) allowance which I could afford and paid for a couple of years. I subsequently discovered her handing out money to my youngest brother. The allowance stopped that day! Since I now manage her finances, I can see that she was never in need of the allowance anyway. So beware of the stories your beloved crinklies tell.

Even if you can afford it there is no reason why you should pay your parents £100 a month , or their mortgage - they are adults.
Many people still work aged 70 these days-why should you work yourself into the ground paying for your parents retirement?
They couldn't afford their mortgage once retired , so why did they retire?
It sounds as if they just expected someone else to pay.
You could have another 20 years plus of this-my Dad is 91 and my mother is 86-it is not a reasonable expectation having you pay for their retirement, it's not like years gone by when retirement was just a year or two.
Having run out of money they should ask your siblings for help, if they can, great- if not they need jobs.