Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

That is a blatant lie. Sorry. It absolutely is. There is no scenario on this planet where anyone working in this field would be advocating what you are. You’re actually dangerous.

It is not bullying to challenge someone who is claiming to be a professional whilst simultaneously advocating harmful practice.

What I’m advocating for is opportunities for peer support mainly, as well as open communication and self advocacy. I’m not saying this activity forms these skills but does give an opportunity to practice them IF appropriate.

you are taking this way too far.

How is this still going!?!

Yes there may be less insensitive ways of doing it, but that isn't the point, as that is still from the starting point it should be done at all costs.

And those costs as has been explained repeatedly are needlessly distressing children who already have had more to contend with than anyone ever should.

I’m starting to hate MD. On MN it’s such a source of tension - second only to weddings!

Mother’s Day is not the appropriate time. Ever.

Okay - but more generally speaking, there is times when it would be appropriate to do activities of a similar nature. I don’t know if you missed it or chose to ignore it because you’ve chosen to villainise me but I have said all along that I’m not speaking explicitly about Mother’s Day. I joined the thread to respond to comments that suggest trauma is best ignored. I voiced my opinion that I feel it does have a place in schools and amongst peer groups and that acknowledgement of lived experience is a healthy way to respond to trauma.

This isn't a thread about when is more appropriate. This is a thread quite literally about Mother’s day and why school isn’t the place to celebrate. And us certainly not the day to address trauma. No one, not once, has suggested on this thread that trauma is best ignored.

A few of the earlier comments did suggest this, which is when I joined the thread. I stated all along I wasn’t here to defend Mother’s Day but I did have something to say about ignoring trauma, which it sounds like you don’t disagree with after all. So calling my a liar and dangerous was possibly a bit of a stretch?

I do apologise if I haven’t articulated myself amazingly, I have tried and hold my hands up for not been entirely on topic.

It’s an example of when we think by ignoring we are protecting and that’s not always the case.

You compared not wanting to make a Mother’s Day card to not wanting to do crafts. You’ve been tone deaf from the beginning.

I feel like I'm repeating myself now? Have I not already explained I didn’t compare the two - I said there would be a number of children choosing not to partake in activities so it wouldn’t make any one child stand out (as that was a concern people had).

I think you then went on to say that there was a difference between not wanting and not being able
to make a Mother’s Day card and I would challenge that by saying that anyone can, if they want to make one and should be offered support in facilitating that.

it feels a little wasted to try and have a meaningful conversation with you.

take care.

And still you keep going. You’re missing entirely that being around others who are lucky enough to have mothers to make cards for causes trauma. Children choosing not to join in an activity, on that day, are not the peers of those without a mother. Making a Mother’s Day card along side those with mothers. Again awful.

Im actually astonished that you are still failing to see how deeply problematic what you’re suggesting is.

What if there was no older brother? Would you have been as accepting then?

Take note OP

A A few of the earlier comments did suggest this, which is when I joined the thread.

No they did not. No one suggested ignoring trauma; they suggested ignoring Morhers' Day.

It’s all a bit pathetic.

Its supposed to be a sweet little gesture by children but it’s morphed into this huge onus on families to appease expectant Prima Donna mums. When this kind of thing causes more angst, disappointment and family tension than anything else it has kind of outgrown its purpose. I was at the supermarket this afternoon and people were frantically grabbing the last bunches of flowers and boxes of chocolates - no real care, just frantic box-ticking.

This thread is about Mother's Day, and about people thinking schools should 'do more', despite the evidence of harm to vulnerable children. It's in the title, the OP and most posts thereafter. It's pretty obvious that people are talking specifically about Mother's Day.

You talk of acknowledging lived experience, but your posts are consistently dismissing lived experience and what evidence says about trauma and Mother's Day. It's disrespectful and concerning.

I shudder to think what peer support would look like for vulnerable children in a large and noisy class of children with a decent percentage of additional support needs themselves.

My son’s best friend’s father died by suicide last year when the boys were 7. This wee boy would have gained nothing from any sort of Father’s Day activity a few weeks later, and I can think of nothing useful a group of 7 year olds would add to his processing of this with his mother and brother and therapist. School was a safe space and his friendships were an escape and he managed to have many very fun times at school while also being sad at home - probably because he didn’t have to think about it all day long every day.

Luckily the school already had a policy of avoiding such triggering activities but this really cemented the importance of this policy for me.

https://www.tes.com/magazine/archive/what-if-i-dont-have-mum-how-make-mothers-day-inclusive-early-years-and-primary

Some good ideas here.

I do think there is this deal angst over mothers days in schools which must be originating from somewhere. Our primary has allowed children to make mothers days cards for years as have many others and I think there is a silent majority that are OPs perspective. It seems like a move to ban well intentioned global traditions for the class room for inclusivity reasons. How has mothers day become so political?

Happy mothers day by the way!

my point is that there’s a heavy focus on avoidance when it comes to emotive issues (any emotive issue) when actually there is a lot of benefit when we allow space for these conversations to happen

I acknowledge that point, I do, but Mother’s Day cards is not the activity, and general activity for small kids in the school day is not the setting. Just really not the time or place to be confronting small, vulnerable kids with their complex trauma and making them feel singled out for no reason whatsoever.

which must be originating from somewhere

originating from somewhere. Like….basic common sense, thoughtfulness, imagination and empathy?

My year 4 child has made a card at school - they usually do it on “wet” break or because the school gates open 30 minutes before from what I can gather

I’m a single parent and she also went to the corner shop and bought me a card and gift from her siblings (before she knew they were doing it at school)

But have any of the children in those classes lost their mum recently?

That's the difference.

No-one is saying no school, no class anywhere should make MD cards ever. But if there is a child in the class where it would cause distress, then it's not a suitable activity for that class, that year.

I have conceded to this point further up, I just don’t think it makes everything I’ve said invalid by doing so x

That’s all good and well and lots of people keep saying stuff like this ‘make a card for someone else’ blah blah, but it still completely ignores trauma.
I know a child whose mother is not present in their life, lots of trauma associated with this, if they see her at any point this causes them to be in crisis regularly for the next few days. They also live with a female relative whom they deeply love and respect, so they could make a card for her. However, the trauma around their mother would still be present and this would still present itself due to the day being centred on mothers.
Yes, they’re one child, but I think one child’s trauma supersedes the need for an adult to enjoy a home made card - nevermind the fact that Mother’s Day is a weekend day and the responsibility for mums getting cards is not on schools in the slightest.