Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

👏 👏

Wait until tomorrow and all the “sad”
posts

Oops, sorry 😳🫣 I'll get my coat.

That's awful. I'd have told him to fuck off.

I had a similar thing but as a teacher of a class with a child whose father had died before she was born but who was still a constant presence in her and her mother's lives. Another parent first accused me of talking about death which I hadn't, I thought this other child might have but didnt mention that. She didn't want her child to know about death and wanted me to promise never to talk about it. I refused.

Tbf Doingtheboxerbeat the poster you were replying to is every bit as unreasonable as the OP

I’m going to remove myself now, the confrontational road this has gone down was not my intention and is really quite stressful.

note to self that mumsnet is not the place for shared opinion and respectful debate

I teach upper primary. I don’t make Mother’s/Father’s Day crafts with my class at school for the very reason that’s been cited many times - some kids have home circumstances that they don’t need to be reminded of, or ‘othered’ because of.

I’m sorry your dad died when you were young. My dad died when I was mid-thirties and I found it quite raw to see Father’s Day emails for a couple of years after.

Ultimately, I’d rather disappoint a few adults by depriving them of a homemade card, fully facilitated by me (rather than being the child’s own idea/desire), than upset a child who may be dealing with complex emotions or trauma.

We do have a spot of ‘free’ play on a Friday, and the classroom is full of craft materials that they are welcome to use.

As expected when I ask what training you had done. Please don’t comment on supporting children with trauma. You’re advocating harmful practice.

That’s considerate! In this case, the minority should be catered for over the majority, because the potential upset it could cause a child who doesn’t have a mother outweighs your feelings about your child not making you a card, given they can make one at home! The fact you don’t see this is a bit bonkers.

You’ll see I’m leaving the thread, but before you accuse me of avoiding this question, I haven’t answered it because giving an extensive list of qualifications could expose my identity on what is first and foremen’s an anonymous forum - given the confrontational and aggressive nature of some of the replies I am going to uphold my right to that anonymity

No, I’m advocating for practice that is different to practice you choose to align yourself with. That doesn’t make it harmful, it makes it different. And thank goodness because as we know no one thing works for everyone!

There’s no training you could have done that would expose your identity.

I am a teacher and I don’t do Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. It is a minefield. Instead on these weekends I sent home some artwork that could possibly be repurposed! But we do not make cards beyond age 5 because it just leads to a lot of tears and sadness in class

There might also be a million and one other logical reasons (not involving sensitivity toward children who have lost parents) why the class might not have done Mother’s Day cards this year.

Teacher might have simply forgotten and not got round to it. Teacher might have not had time to prepare and gather some card-making supplies. Other school activity, visitor event or curriculum task had to take priority instead on the Friday. Kids might already have been happily engaged in a task the teacher wanted to continue throughout the afternoon. Teacher might have wanted to do another more enjoyable task with them instead she had planned. Teacher might have thought most kids had grown out of it.

Literally loads of reasons why cards might not have been done this year. All reasonable. None malicious or thoughtless.

underestimating the capabilities of those on the internet to piece together personal information is not a risk I’m willing to take

I work in a primary school. Mother's Day and Father's Day are absolute minefields for schools. Off the top of my head in KS1 alone we have

-Two children whose Mother's are dead
-One child who isn't allowed any contact with their Mother whatsoever
-One child whose Mother is in a Psychiatric hospital and has been for a long time
-A child who is in foster care and contact with Mother is sporadic and often not positive

If we get the kids to make Mother's Day cards there will definitely be complaints that we have caused upset to a child with a complicated home life. But if we don't mark the occasion Mum's like OP will be upset. Those saying give children the choice to make cards or not and provide another activity for those that don't want to, believe me we would still get complaints if we did that as we would be accused of upsetting the child by even mentioning Mother's Day, or by them seeing cards that other kids had made, hearing them tell their Mum's on the playground at home time that they had made a card for them etc. I can guarantee it would still cause some kind of issue. As with so many things, we can't win.

I have the upmost respect for single parents and as a school I feel we have a duty to offer targeted support to any parent who is struggling, but I'm not sure I can agree with OP that "making sure single Mum's feel appreciated on Mother's Day" should fall within the ever-increasing list of things that my colleagues and I are expected to take responsibility for.

Do you really think you're the only highly qualified poster on MN with a public profile?

But if we don't mark the occasion Mum's like OP will be upset.

Mums like the OP should grow up.

Nobody is being excluded from acknowledging their mother. They are just not making mothers day cards at school.

Are you really suggesting there will be children who are upset that they didn't get chance to make their mum a card at school? And if so why can't they make one at home?

No? I didn’t say that at all? I just said I wasn’t willing to risk exposing myself! Surely we can all agree on a right to privacy on an anonymous forum?!

You missed the point.

No, it’s not really about the cards - I don’t care about the cards. Make cards, don’t make cards I don’t think it’s an issue either way. I was engaging in a debate about why it would be okay, and the benefits of engaging children in an activity like this

I hàve appreciated mother's days cars made at school and they have meant something.

I like to be positive and there many many families with positive relations where a simple mother's day card allows a child to articulate a simple love to their mom and the mom gets a uplift from a personal message. In years to come maybe the family will look back these little pieces of memorabilia.

I just think we are being negative not engaging in these activities because of some traumatised children because not all children are traumatised.

I think you can have deep sympathy for a traumatised child whilst realising that for others life goes on and I think mother's day fits into this category. Not engaging in something simple and generally positive as mother's day paints an overly negative picture in my opinion where we shield people from life and in a sense implicitly suggest to children mother's day shouldn't be celebrated because there is always imperfect parenting.

Could you explain?

Blimey I missed that post from Waitingforthecold. They get more ridiculous with every post.

Wow. Just wow.