Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

My child is in year 3, at a church school (if it makes any difference, the attached church has a special mother's day service), and no card from school this year. Don't recall anything coming home in Year 2 either.

Also, a poor child in the same year buried their mum this week, so I think every parent can understand why schools don't do Mother's or Father's day crafts, and even if they do some years, why it night not be appropriate others.

I'd just be grateful my family hasn't had as many challenges to deal with as some, and if I was that bothered, leave out some craft materials for your child on your own time.

......plus, curriculum and schools already being under enormous pressure for time and resources. We have to financially contribute for termly baking and craft projects, and I'd rather funds go on essentials than nice to have activities.

Only you haven’t. What you have consistently done is come up with some low brow sloppy attempts at making Mother’s Day inclusive without actually addressing any of the reasons it never can be.

Do you understand the crucial different between don’t want to take part and can’t take part?

Do you understand that Mother’s Day is a holiday for mothers? It’s literally the worst day to give those children that opportunity.

Reminds me of shortly after my son started school nursery, so 3 years old, and at pick up time another child's mother who I didn't know, came up to me and in front of other parents, told me that I should teach my son that lying was wrong, because my son had told her son that his father was dead, her son had told her, and she had told her son it was naughty to lie because in her opinion surely my son saying that couldn't possibly be true.

I somehow managed to stay very calm and looked right at her and said that my son wasn't a liar, and yes his father had committed suicide the year before. She at least had the decency to mutter sorry and walked away.

The other mothers who heard this were of course extremely shocked at her behaviour and very sympathetic to me because most of them didn't know my situation either. It was an insight for me into how some people have an almost unbelievable lack of empathy and level of self-centeredness.

Most teaching staff in early years are too busy changing nappies to do the extra stuff now

You’re all taking this too literally. It doesn’t have to be your actual mother, just a carer or someone you care about. Or mothers in general. Kids are good at improvising. And the fact that mothers in general are not thanked enough. If it’s a bereavement it’s a good time for reflection

Maybe the teacher is aware of something you are not. A child who is in foster care, recently bereaved or about to be. This trumps every other child’s need to make a Mother’s Day card. It’s a commercialised day.
As an adult who recently lost their father I find Father’s Day hard, can only imagine how this is for a child

But Mothers' Day is about mothers, that's the whole point! It isn't about friends, aunts, someone you care about.

Bereaved children don't welcome "time for reflection" when their parent is dead and other children are happily making cards for their own living parents.

I can assure you that on Father's Day my own bereaved children were immensely relieved that the school stopped doing Fathers' Day cards in order to spare them even more pain.

I can't see the problem in people helping their children to make cards at home if they want to for their mother, as presumably they do with birthdays etc.

As a 61 year old I still find Fathers Day hard, even though I was late fifties when he died. I certainly wouldn't want to be forced to make a card on that day for "someone else I cared about", so imagine a child having to do that. It's not beneficial.

It’s literally called Mother’s Day. For those with trauma the day is awful. Having it rammed down your throat in school is not inclusive practice. Be thankful you don’t understand the harm.

The suggestion that a child needs time to reflect is so offensive I can’t even come up with an adequate response.

I've read your posts with interest and disbelief. However, I wholly disagree that a school setting with untrained therapists/psychologists is potentially very damaging. Teachers are not trained therapists and are not equipped to deal with the very real risk of re- traumatising children.

I am not suggesting teachers shut down children from talking about a lost/absent parent, but it should be the child instigating the conversation and not forced to do so during group work

Also, do you honestly think schools are resourced to provide different work stations for handicrafts? 🙄

You couldn’t be more unreasonable if you tried, sorry!

I am sorry for your loss and so sorry that you and your DC had to experience this level of ignorance ❤️. We had a number of young children at our support group who had lost their dads to suicide, so devastating.

Some people, even some school staff, lack so much understanding and empathy, as we have clearly seen on here.
Once, I explained to my DC’s new teacher about their dad dying and how it had affected them, the teacher replied that DC can leave that at the door when they come into the classroom. I left that meeting in tears, to just think that this is just something that can just be left at the door.
These terrible exchanges really stay in your memory as they hit you at a time when you are in trauma and at your most vulnerable.

I’m a single mum and I have never, ever cared about a card from school. I don’t think that’s their job and I think it’s inappropriate as there will be some children without a mother or an abusive mother. On Mother’s Day this year I happen to be taking my eldest birthday shopping for his birthday so I’m excited to spend the day with him but over the years I’ve just done things like nice walks etc. I am not bothered by cards but if I was when the kids were little I could have just sat them at the dining room table with some paper and pens and said today we are making Mother’s Day cards.

The number of what I’m presuming are mothers on this thread who think their right to have a Mother’s Day card made for them at school overrides a bereaved or traumatised child’s right to not have Mother’s Day rubbed in their face is quite frankly astonishing.

Frightening isn't it.

A small child isn't going to go "oh, this reminder of my mum's death or disappearance from my life is a good opportunity for reflection". They're going to want their mum. And be very upset about being reminded that they're isolated in their grief. That some people prioritise a piece of card over children's grief and trauma is a sad reflection on those people's moral compasses.

Read all of my posts and that should address your concerns. I’m not suggesting anyone, anywhere should be forced to do anything. I’m saying exactly that, if such an activity allowed a child to instigate a conversation then great - adults are capable of been compassionate, it doesnt need to resemble therapy in any way.

im saying very simply that these activities can serve as opportunities to invite conversation and shouldn’t be shied away from in order to avoid those conversations - whether they happen or not is impossible to predict.

I know for a fact in early years classrooms the majority of the time they have several stations set up, where almost always one of these is craft based, so yes I do believe so! I wouldn’t expect this kind of thing beyond early years

Everyone has read your comments. The problem is you don’t read the replies.

People aren’t suggesting you avoid these events to avoid difficult conversations. People are saying avoid doing these events in schools to avoid traumatising children.

Oh and this is the point where I directly tell you you are a liar. You are not remotely trained in trauma informed practice.

You’ve already said this. I’m not going to try and have a conversation with someone who’s reaction to been disagreed with is to defame character

Yup and at school no less where they have far more important things to be getting on with and there is literally no need for it whatsoever. Some people are insanely tone deaf.

I’m not defaming. You’re making suggestions that harm kids. It’s not trauma informed practice. You have evidenced not experience at all in the impact of or how to support children who’ve experienced trauma. And cannot cite any training.

What a load of waffle trying to justify an unnecessary and pointless exercise.

@Riaanna I’m not going to be bullied in to giving information I’m not comfortable giving.

all I’m suggesting is that this is something that could be an opportunity to open channels of communication and build peer support is a safe and controlled environment and therefore should not be immediately shut down and ignored.

there are many other ways, it doesn’t have to be Mother’s Day cards but it also don’t have to not be - people can decide if it’s appropriate based on the nuances of their cohorts etc.

but I am not suggesting anything that is damaging practice. You are taking this too far and it’s quite frankly bullyish and unprofessional. I don’t want to to continue a pointless conversation with someone who is here to bully and argue and not converse, so please stop, you have made your position clear of your opinion about me, you are crossing lines now.