Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

It’s worth mentioning that a number of companies (mainly greetings card companies) email adults to ask them if they’d like to opt out of Father’s Day/Mother’s Day card reminders or emails. Let’s acknowledge that if it’s upsetting for adults to be reminded of such occasions we shouldn’t be reminding recently bereaved children.

A thirty something mum died of cancer when ours were at primary leaving two girls 4 and 6. The older girl was in dd1 a year. They dialled back Mother’s Day stuff massively. No one minded it was just too bloody awful.

You'll probably call bullying on me too, but I don't believe for one minute that you have any training or experience in grief counselling or therapy.

But won't someone think of the mothers who won't receive a card on MOTHER'S DAY .
This thread is wild and as a child free person I actually opted out of procreating because I didn't think I had it in me , but after reading some of the mad replies I think I may have more empathy than I give myself credit.

I haven’t claimed to. I have claimed to have experience and training in trauma informed care (not therapy), my role is clinical and children I work with have complex physical and mental health needs as well as often having complex family backgrounds

I don't believe that either. I don't believe that anyone who claims to have that background could be so obsessed about 1 pointless and unnecessary activity.

Are you the poster who claimed it". It encompasses British Values in so many ways" - if so for that sentence alone I wouldn't be persuaded by anything you say.

What don’t you get?

Its Just. Not. Necessary.

Want to celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? Do it at home.

No that wasn’t me and I don’t agree with that sentiment (in fact I have no idea where Mother’s Day comes from).

perhaps I have got slightly side tracked because it’s not really about this one activity (I think I have said several times that I’m not here defending card making).

my point is that there’s a heavy focus on avoidance when it comes to emotive issues (any emotive issue) when actually there is a lot of benefit when we allow space for these conversations to happen.

it’s getting silly now because I could be the most reasonable person of the world but you have decided I’m a liar and taken a dislike to me so nothing I say will be given any value.

let’s just move on.

I’m okay with doing so! My concern is more that not every opportunity to show these children understanding and compassion is avoided

It's Mothering Sunday anyway and it started with going back to your Mother Church (where you were baptised) and servants would have the day off to visit it/ their families. So it's not really anything to do with mothers, apart from now a way to flog tat.

It's got literally nothing more to do with "British Values" then loads of other, far more educational, activities.

...and you think it's ok to put young children through that, for the sake of a piece of folded card? Well, that confirms my opinion of current services for children and young people in this country.

Ahhh no, it’s not about the card really 😩 this is a bit of a mess now!

my point was that these types of activity are often great opportunities to encourage peer support and allow for conversations in safe spaces - obviously if it was going to traumatise a child it’s inappropriate but I don’t think that would be the case a lot of the time. It’s going to be child dependent, like anything.

put simply - it’s not always the best idea to avoid talking about something that we as adults deem upsetting

Schools are probably better off opting for the safer route of not potentially re-traumatising their pupils and putting them in situations where staff who aren't going to be trauma specialists are having to console distraught children. Not solely for the children's benefit but also for the staff, as it would be difficult to defend when/if things go wrong.

If I’d just lost my mum as a child I cannot think of anything more gut-wrenching than being asked to write a Mother’s Day card for a carer or substitute while everyone else did it for their mum.

And all just so the mums who are still with their families can feel “celebrated.” Quite frankly, if your children don’t think of it unprompted, just let it go. Use Fathers Day as an example for the following year. But anything more pointed is like scripting your own compliments ( I did once know a girl who told her bf what she wanted him to say when he collected her from a pre-ball nibbles and get-ready-together party for a group of girls. Unfortunately we all just collapsed with laughter because he pulled out the script when he forgot a bit, then said “ Sorry but I can’t read your writing!”🤣)

Possibly, which is why I would encourage lower stakes activities. I’m not suggesting anything is done that would directly require a child to share their experience.

but we can, and we should recognise lived experience, encourage peer support and provide safe spaces to do so and I think a card making activity could be a nice way to do this. We could argue the toss about whether schools are just for educating, but I think children deserve better than that, particularly those that aren’t getting social and emotional support at home

Having a "now we're all making Mother's Day cards" or worse "now we're all making Mother's Day cards - apart from James and Olivia" risks putting children in situations where they have to share their trauma or re-experience it, without appropriate support around them. You come across as being certain in your understanding of trauma, but you're ignoring the lived experience of people here, telling you how upsetting this sort of thing is.

I’m not trying to ignore it at all, but I’ve never once said that’s how this particular activity should be pitched. There’s obviously a lot more sensitive ways of doing it - I think I’ve sort of covered how I would expect it to be approached in an early years setting

The posts in which you've spoken about how you'd 'expect it to be approached' are generally horrifying in their lack of understanding and empathy for traumatised, bereaved children.

I really can't imagine any kind of classroom session, crafting or otherwise, that encourages 'nuanced conversation' about the fact that some children have loving mothers and others don't, without running a serious risk of upsetting bereaved or neglected children. Especially if the teacher has no specialised training in grief, counselling etc.

The bereaved or neglected children will already be all too aware that their friends have loving mothers.

I’m not bullying you, let’s not go down that road. I asked because you stated you had training yet everything you’ve said contradicts all the training I’ve done.

Suggesting Mother’s Day is used to open dialogue is harmful practice. Mother’s Day has been shown to cause trauma in people who have had their primary care giver relationship severed or it is unhealthy. That’s evidenced. The evidence shows doing nothing is the best approach. You can navigate celebrating it alongside trauma support. It is literally impossible.

I’m not suggesting the teacher instigates a conversation. This activity could happen 100 times and might never instigate a conversation. What I’m saying is, it’s not always necessary to avoid these things completely because they can, sometimes, if appropriate for all involved, provide a space that encourages open conversation and peer support.

im not saying the activity should be set up with the intention of doing so, just that it shouldn’t be avoided with the intention of not doing so

Fucking hell. The lack of empathy on this thread is unreal!

"Awww you can make it for Granny instead" does not cut it when a small child has lost their mum. Especially if it was recent.

Please read my latest post, I’m not suggesting Mother’s Day is used in such a way. I’m explaining how if not avoided it can provide safe, age appropriate spaces. I have given some information about my background now, and have tried to explain myself better but I fear we will go round in circles to be honest.

and if you continue to call me a liar and pile on me and not engage in useful conversation then I’m sorry, that is bullying and I will call it out

But forgetting the ridiculous entitlement to a bit of folded card...

I could only make mini Christmas cards with my class this year because of budgets. Can't afford card. Had to scrounge what I could from the backs of cupboards to find just enough to give each child half an A4 but of card each.

2 kids in 1 school
1 made a card in their class. The other didn't
Dh took them to get one.

However when I was a single parent to my eldest I used to take him to a card shop show him.where they are ..give £5 note. And go stand by the door and let them choose . Now an adult but remembers doing it.
One year I had to my wife on MD. 😆 🤣
I used to always get them to make one too if they wished.

However my youngest 2 dcs old pre school went above and beyond. Bunch daffs. A handmade something pottery like a bowl one year. Another year was a photo keyring. One year a decorate own kit photo frame they got them to do. Plus a lovely card handmade.