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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married but want a relationship with someone else

150 replies

schoolie258 · 28/03/2025 12:57

I know I’ll get hate for this probably. I’m married but recently met someone new online. We’ve sort of fallen for each other.

he lives in a different part of the country and of course I’m married. Not necessarily happily.

do I meet up with him and see how it goes? Or just accept the fact that my life is here with my husband?

we both have kids which makes it slightly more complicated and of course we don’t live that close to each other. Is this just a fantasy or is this something that could realistically work if we really wanted it to.

has anyone been in a long distance relationship with children. How did it end or end up?

OP posts:
strawlight · 28/03/2025 12:58

The grass sometimes looks greener, but often it’s just astroturf

rubyslippers · 28/03/2025 12:59

What a mess
how do you meet someone online?! You mean you were actively looking for someone
and all this rubbish about falling for someone
nah - if you’re not happy invest time in your marriage or let your DH know so he can be with someone who isn’t looking to cheat on him
poor kids as well caught up in this

ChillieChicky · 28/03/2025 13:00

I’m not going to give you hate but a few things you should consider
you’ve never met this person
you are ‘in love’ with the person you think they are/their online persona

first things first if you want out of your marriage you focus on that, you leave and work on yourself and your children post separation/divorce and then move on

noone needs to stay in a marriage they are not happy in no one can force them to stay but think of the damage of having an affair then immediately starting a long distance relationship with someone you genuinely do not know will cause

(edited to change long term to long distance)

MellowPinkDeer · 28/03/2025 13:00

What you absolutely do not do is meet up with him behind your husband’s back.

these things happen but lying and cheating and deceiving your husband is not acceptable.

If you really think this is a ‘thing’ then the only option is to come clean and then see how you go. I’d say it’s unlikely to be a happily ever after though …

toomuchfaff · 28/03/2025 13:00

if your eye is taken with another, then your heart isn't with your spouse. Do them a favour and leave them.

I wouldn't want my husband to stay married to me if they fell for someone else.

MatildaTheCat · 28/03/2025 13:00

It’s a fantasy. The grass is greener where you water it.

Onlyvisiting · 28/03/2025 13:00

Let's leave aside the fact you are asking permission to cheat on your husband for a minute. Scrap that, you aren't even concerned about the cheating, just if you could make it work with the new man.

Assuming you ended your current relationship properly first, then formed one with this man who lives how far away? Which one of you is going to abandon your children so you can live together? Or were you planning to take them away from their other parent to follow you to a shiny new step family away from their father, schools, friends etc?

pleasepackitin · 28/03/2025 13:00

Op if you’re not happy you should end your marriage and then you’ll be free to see whoever you want.
Are your kids your husbands ? This has the potential to fuck everyone up involved.

Pancakeflipper · 28/03/2025 13:01

Sounds like you are fantasising because you aren't currently happy in your marriage.

Make decisions on your marriage before bringing other relationships into it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/03/2025 13:02

What could possibly go wrong.

BMW6 · 28/03/2025 13:02

How would you feel if he was considering cheating on you?

If you wouldn't mind tell your DH that your marriage has died and start divorce.

If you would mind don't be a cheating, lying hypocrital bitch.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 28/03/2025 13:04

Tell your husband you've fallen in love with some random man from the internet and plan to cheat on him.
He can then decide whether he wants to stay married.

Lying and cheating is unjustifiable. Leave your kids out of cheating, or dating a new boyfriend once divorced, it's in their best interests to not be involved.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 28/03/2025 13:04

Are you really unhappy in your marriage? Or are you just parroting the script to justify wanting to cheat.

FWIW, you haven’t fallen for him, you’ve fallen for who you think he is. You’ve never met, so you have no idea what he’s really like. And while it’s possible that you could still have the chemistry, you don’t know that. And the fact that you’re married means you don’t get to find out.

As it is the relationship has 0 chance of success given you live apart and both have children. Because it would be the lowest of the low to either: Move away from children, or to move the children away from their other parent.

Is he married as well? Are you screwing over your husband as well as his wife?

You need to block him and never contact him again.

Beamur · 28/03/2025 13:05

Kindly - this has disaster written all over it.
You're obviously unhappy and the online thrill is a symptom of that.
Don't trust the online option as a get out. You all deserve better than a half arsed affair.
Stop chatting to this other person and get your house in gear.
Either commit to making your current relationship work or split up with some dignity and maturity before pursuing a new one.

mondaytosunday · 28/03/2025 13:05

So you were looking, which says you are not happy in your marriage irregardless if this other relationship takes off.
So end your marriage and them start looking. Totally immoral to find a new relationship THEN break up your family.

Simplynotsimple · 28/03/2025 13:05

BMW6 · 28/03/2025 13:02

How would you feel if he was considering cheating on you?

If you wouldn't mind tell your DH that your marriage has died and start divorce.

If you would mind don't be a cheating, lying hypocrital bitch.

Any need for the misogyny? Most of your post made the point just fine, end the marriage before starting anything else because the fallout of an affair is devastating for everyone.

Crispsandrubixcubes · 28/03/2025 13:06

google the word “limerence”. You’re just living in fantasy land!

TeapotTitties · 28/03/2025 13:06

"Hi everyone"

"Thinking about having an affair, what do you all think?"

🤣🤣

Paganpentacle · 28/03/2025 13:06

Its not real.

Biting · 28/03/2025 13:07

Right now, you can step back and it won't potentially have a life long impact on your relationship with your DC. You can't think straight whilst distracted by this shiny new man. Step away, figure out what you want. Then if you decide to, get divorced and start dating again.

Mischance · 28/03/2025 13:08

We cant always have what we want - adults know this.

You have children ......... get yourself off the internet and start parenting.

Ablondiebutagoody · 28/03/2025 13:08

Stupid fantasy idea considering that the best case scenario of you two meeting, falling in love and being together will mean that two sets of kids will rarely see one of their parents. Unbelievably selfish of you OP.

CraneBeak · 28/03/2025 13:10

Obviously you need to get a divorce. If you're considering throwing your marriage away for a random you've met online, then your marriage isn't worth anything. Don't cheat (obviously).

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 28/03/2025 13:11

Go for it, your kids will love the adventure

Hoppinggreen · 28/03/2025 13:11

Go for it
I am sure Random Internet man is everything he claims to be and more. You should probably send him some money too
What could possibly go wrong?

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