Married but want a relationship with someone else

[schoolie258]

I know I’ll get hate for this probably. I’m married but recently met someone new online. We’ve sort of fallen for each other.

he lives in a different part of the country and of course I’m married. Not necessarily happily.

do I meet up with him and see how it goes? Or just accept the fact that my life is here with my husband?

we both have kids which makes it slightly more complicated and of course we don’t live that close to each other. Is this just a fantasy or is this something that could realistically work if we really wanted it to.

has anyone been in a long distance relationship with children. How did it end or end up?

I wonder if it's some man expecting us all to say "YOLO, go for it Hun!" to bolster the so called "double standards" complaint that some posters are always on about.

You need to decide if your marriage is over BEFORE you pursue a new relationship, not have an affair to see how it goes and then decide - are you a man?

The problem here is you are in an unhappy marriage and you need to address that - and not string your poor husband along who is probably none the wiser.

You could do this amicably, it won't nice but its the right way to do this. Or you could meet this guy, have an affair, it will get messy and people will get very hurt.

You need to make a decision

Nothing could possibly go wrong. This random internet bloke is obviously your soulmate and fate has bought you two star crossed lovers together for the greatest love story of all time - Romeo and Juliet are amateurs compared to you and what’s his name on WhatsApp.

This is absolutely a true life fairy tale so don’t let anyone tell you it’s just a bog standard grubby little every day story of a pair of bored middle aged cheats blowing their families apart for the sake of a sordid shag in the Premier Inn

Oh wait………..

Get off line and work on your marriage.
Read Gottmans books. Watch his ted talks. Listen to the Gottman interview on diary of a ceo. Then do Gottmans date books with your spouse.

Work on it without this online man lurking in the background - what decent chap would be happy skulking about with a married woman? Possibly One who wants a quick shag with no chance of you wanting more. Maybe he’s married so you are low risk.

So delete/block etc. And do the right thing.

He may have halitosis and disgusting habits in real life.

Star crossed love affairs make me think of Bottom and Titania!

Have you spoken to this man i.e. video calls?

Oh, you've got a pen-friend. That's nice dear.

Well someone's already started their reply with 'Kindly'.

Can't imagine that happening if the OP had introduced himself as Big Dave from Dagenham 👀🤣

This new 'relationship' has flagged what you feel is missing in your marriage. It does not mean that you've 'fallen' for this guy or that it's fate or written in the stars that you're destined to be together.

The only thing you need to decide is whether to work on your marriage or leave your husband. Do not try to have your cake and eat it.

“we both have children which makes it “slightly more complicated”….. only slightly?

You need to work out if you want a relationship with your h first.

Did it not occur to you when you made your vows to your husband when you got married that sometimes you have to work hard at a marriage, and not decide to look elsewhere when you get a bit fed up? If you didn't take your marriage vows seriously, and are planning to try to live out your fantasy with the man you sought out online, then at least have the decency to leave your husband first. You should also consider the impact this could ultimately have on the children that you chose to bring into the world if you go ahead with meeting this man and embarking on an affair, not to mention the impact on his children.

If you've never met this man, how do you know he is who he says he is? This all sounds a bit like the conversations I've had in the past with young gullible teenagers who think that they are really talking to someone who thinks they are special, when really the men want to exploit them or at best are laughing at them for being so naive.

Oh come on Schoolie, if you married someone your committed to life! And you probably haven't even met them yet, they might be some rapist who lives in thier mother's basement.

Absolutely. If you are unhappy in your marriage and have no children, it is simpler. Get a divorce, and then pursue a relationship with someone else. Don't stay with someone you don't love. It isn't fair to them.

Jesus Christ, where’s your loyalty?

Why are you talking to other men online in the first place, let alone allowing the conversations to get to a point where you’re ’falling for each other’?

Work on fixing your marriage or leave it. But don’t betray your husband by hedging your bets and meeting this bloke just to ‘see what happens’.

Genuinely, how would you feel if it was the other way around? Would you appreciate him meeting some random woman ‘just to see’. Would you have no problem with him chatting to another woman online romantically?

You are I love with an idea. You don't know him. Haven't met him.
It is a fantasy.

The grass on the other side is still just grass!
we both have kids which makes it slightly more complicated
Slightly more complicated you say?
That's the most down played sentence I've heard this month.

Incredibly childish behaviour.

Stop messaging this random bloke. Tell yourself he stinks in real life and block him on everything.

Then turn your attention to yourself, your life, your marriage. What needs aren’t being met? What changes can you make?

If he knew you were married he probably isn't wanting to commit because hes attracted to someone who is unavailable

I wouldn’t risk my marriage for that if it were me. You are both perhaps looking for a distraction instead of sorting out the problems facing you. Very human thing to do of course

Your poor husband.

If your not happy end your marriage.

Decide if the emotional damage and lowered success outcomes for your children are worth it.

Even if he is actually who he says he is (unlikely online) the catastrophic effect on your family because you can't discern fantasy from reality will haubt them and you for decades.

And what about the wrost scenario? What if this guy is a pedo who is just after your kids? Just because he has them himself doesn't safeguard you from this.

Maybe try working on your marriage, and if things don’t improve….

How did you “meet someone online”, were you deliberately looking for someone? Drop contact with this person immediately. If your marriage is definitely over (you don’t say what exactly is wrong with your marriage at all), then end it formally before you even think of starting something new. If your marriage is salvageable than talk to your husband and maybe arrange some counselling. What you absolutely must not do is embark on any form of relationship with another man while still married to your husband unless it turns out he’s up for an open marriage and this is what you want. Infidelity is just plain wrong. It ruins lives. The emotional damage you could do to your husband and children is incalculable. It’s okay to end a marriage if you are unhappy, but sneaking around with someone new is never the way to go about it.

This - the grass is greenest where you water it.