Married but want a relationship with someone else

[schoolie258]

I know I’ll get hate for this probably. I’m married but recently met someone new online. We’ve sort of fallen for each other.

he lives in a different part of the country and of course I’m married. Not necessarily happily.

do I meet up with him and see how it goes? Or just accept the fact that my life is here with my husband?

we both have kids which makes it slightly more complicated and of course we don’t live that close to each other. Is this just a fantasy or is this something that could realistically work if we really wanted it to.

has anyone been in a long distance relationship with children. How did it end or end up?

i can’t blame you for developing feelings. It can sneak up on you. I once stumbled into an emotional affair. When I realized what I was doing, I knew I had to make a choice, my husband or my friend. I chose my friend as my childless marriage was already spiraling to divorce. Friend and I have been married for many years now.

you don’t have that option. You both have children. You also don’t live near one another. Any kind of relationship going forward would require one of you to be a completely horrible person and either live away from your children or try to take your children away from the other parent. No relationship is worth preventing a close relationship between parent and child.

you need to cut all contact with your friend. The relationship has no future. Focus on your marriage. Either heal it or end it on its own terms.

I can't really fathom what answers you would expect.

I mean, you know it's morally indefensible.

You know it's incredibly risky and you stand a good chance of ending up with nobody if you attempt it.

What more is there to say?

Why are you abdicating responsibility for your life decisions to randoms on the internet?

Go for it... I can't foresee any issues arising.

Meeting up with this guy would be the equivalent of taking a match to you home. Might do no damage…. Might burn it to the ground. There is no way of knowing.

Purposely doing that is madness. Especially for an unknown. An unknown, that given location and kids and everything else will never actually work. Unless you would be happy to leave your kids with your ex h and move to be with this other guy?

Dont burn your house down. You’ll regret it

OP, with all due respect, you really don't actually know who this man is. I don't think it can work in the way that you hope, it would be messy, one of you would have to move sooner or later (and I suspect it would be rushed into), you'll have devastated children to deal with, possibly on both sides.

I don't know what your marriage is like but if you need to leave, I would honestly just leave rather than meeting up with this man.

First of all you are a cheat.
I think you should GO and meet up with him dont have any second thoughts about it just do it.
It dont matter whos life you ruin as long as you have fun you and him a pair of home wreaker cheats carry on.
But please do come back to us here on MN in a few weeks or months and let us know how its going when your husband finds out dont want you back and maybe the kids will still speak to you after they got over the fact mum loved an online stranger more than them.
So off you go op get going.
Just remember the truth always comes out no matter how long it takes.

If you’re married, you can’t have someone else. That’s literally what marriage means. If you want to end your marriage, do that. And then see whether the new guy is still all that appealing. But don’t confuse the two things.

End your current relationship. Then sign up for online dating.

That much should be obvious.

A friend of mine went through this in the early days of online dating. She met the man, had sex with him, he freaked out COMPLETELY and ran home to his wife. She ended up divorced from her DH and alone.

Not that this necessarily will happen to you, but it's an unpredictable thing. However you feel for him based on love letters over the internet is no measure of how you will feel when you meet face to face.

Yes thats what marriage was about years ago it was about love for each other not anymore its more off marry for money get bored and want something else.
But as long as they are married they get cm if kids are involved and half of everything they havent worked for then on to the next fool.
Stupid sad and selfish but thats the world we live in.

If you met him on line, I can only assume you were looking to meet someone that way? You don't accidentally meet people on dating sites! Its not like a hot new guy starting in the Accounts Dept etc, and catching your eye.

But cheating is cheating no matter if its with online bloke or Man in Accounts. Please don't do it.

I think you need to give your head a wobble

Sounds completely legit. Keep us posted on how it goes yeah?!

So you want to rip your marriage and family apart and others to agree and say it's fine. Ridiculous. Either leave your husband or give your head a wobble. You are at risk of losing your family by a guy you met online. Ffs

"Not necessarily happy" does not mean that your husband deserves to be cheated on. Sorry.

Does this new guy want a relationship with you? Is he willing to leave his wife for you? He might say that and not mean it.

Be careful of nuking your marriage for a man who may not want you.

You see what most people fail to do is realise nothing is perfect and truly accept it and be at peace with it.

I’m not saying you should have stay in a marriage you don't want to be in. But that if you were to want to leave what would your alternative reality truly be? Will it be truly be better, would it truly make you happier or are you just HOPING it’d be better?

This is your issue. Are hoping it’d be better versus being confident it’d be better.

Will a long distance relationship with 2 divorcees sharing custody of their children really be the relationship you want?

What if your husband finds out, ends it and your new man wont pursue things?

Youll be back on here with another story. Just another woman slave to a man who wouldn’t fight for you. Also financial implications with divorce. Is this really the alternative you want.

Hopefully you can learn to evaluate your alternatives better before you throw themselves in a worse relationship predicament than your current.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, end your marriage for that reason and for that reason alone. Then start considering dating etc.

Do not end your marriage purely for the sake of someone you've never met who lives in another part of the country, and do not use cheating on your husband as a trial run.

As for long distance relationships, they are difficult at the best of times but will obviously be a lot more difficult if one or both of you has children.

This.
My now ex husband did what you're considering doing. As far as i was concerned our marriage was good, no arguments etc But he had 'is the grass greener?' goggles on.
It wrecked a 25 years with several kids marriage, cost thousands in legal fees to divorce as it got acrimonious....
If you're not happy in your marriage, deal with that. Don't add insult to injury to your DH by dragging someone else into it.

How can you fall for someone you haven’t even met?

do I meet up with him and see how it goes? Or just accept the fact that my life is here with my husband?

The third and honest thing to do is end your marriage and let your DH decide if he'd like to try and save it, stay single or be with someone that truly wants to be with him.

do I meet up with him and see how it goes? Or just accept the fact that my life is here with my husband?

Or option number 3. Block the lothario who is willing to cheat on his wife and children (bet you are not the first). Have a talk with your husband about how you are feeling to see if your marriage can be saved. If not separate, let things settle down and the kids get used to the new situation. Then consider if you want to dip your feet in the dating pool with someone who is not with someone else.

Oh someone let the MRA in, probably the OP’s full intention. Child maintenance is paid for the main carer of the children to raise the kids you both made. If you’re putting in 50/50 care and costs then however the marriage ends then it’s both parents responsibility to pay equally for the children in one form or another.

This OP, I think you might be quite surprised at how many people this happens to, married and not. You are addicted to the hormones this new crush is generating and it is 100% about you, and not about them in the slightest. Biology has been tricking us into having sex and reproducing for a very long time…

The fact this has happened shows you have mentally checked out of your relationship with your husband / children’s father. Is that what you want?