MIL taking over Mother’s Day

[Pinkhat123]

This Is my first year as a mom of 3 and I was quite looking forward to spending some time with my DH and DC on Mother’s Day and do something special together like go for a meal, go for a nature walk etc (nothing OTT). I was also looking forward to my first lie in (realistically til 8am/9am) and a cup of tea in bed which I was promised.

However my DH just updated me that he is going to invite his mum and step dad for lunch out on Mother’s Day. Whilst I usually have no issue with this I can’t help but feel sad that “my” day is going to be completely over shadowed by the MIL and she it will be all about grandmothers! Therefore I won’t get a simple lie in (which I so desperately need) or a cup of tea as the MIL will arrive at 9/10am after a 3hr journey. She will make it all
about her own while I’m running around feeding them
and entertaining them etc. I feel she already had her time with her DC, this is my time now.

I’ll add last year she made a complete drama that she didn’t receive any gifts on Mother’s Day from her grandchildren or DC…. At 1pm the delivery man arrived with a bunch of flowers we had already planned for her.

And another note, my eldest had surgery today. (MIL is never is part of any childcare plan, she comes to our house whenever it suits her like every 2-3 months.) And on the phone MIL wants to come now, i blurted out “no thanks I need to keep DS infection free and away from people”. She looked at me in such an evil way like he’s her child she will do what she wants.

Before people ask- yes I know I can just ask my DH to cancel or not invite her but this will cause a load of agro and im just seeking an opinion as to whether I should stick to my guns-
its Mother’s Day not grandmothers day! DH thinks I’m being unreasonable.

AIBU- to be craving just a little me time and time alone with my own 3 children for the first time.

YABU- you should suck it up and it’s a day for her too.

Yanbu to feel this way, but I agree that now the invitation is issued it would be impolitic to rescind it.

I suggest that you have a serious talk with dh about how upset this made you feel and then suggest this as a plan for the future.

(i) from now on, the weekends before and after mothers day are defined as the "special treat" day for whichever out of you, your MIL and your own mum didn't get to be the centre of attention on mothers day. Starting with that you get a lie-in and breakfast-in-bed on Sun April 6th this year.
(ii) no one gets to be the centre of attention on mothers day 2 years running.
(iii) this weekend, your DH lets his mum know that this is how it's going to be, and that you'll be wanting to make plans to give her an early mothers day treat a week or two before or after next year.

Because she's a mother?! You don't stop being one when you become a grandmother.

Why is slit aomehow wrong to even give or send flowers to grandmothers? It in no way diminishes the day for young mothers or makes them less special

She is not the grandchildrens mother! It's for the children of mothers! Can't stand these stupid bloody cards 'happy mothers day grandad' , 'happy mothers day from the cat'. Ridiculous! One day, just one day when it's about mothers. Your kids get you a mothers day card, not their flamin' grandma!

@Picklelily99 can you understand that some families do it differently. As I said in my family we celebrate mothers, so I gave a small present to my gran and my mum sends cards to both me and her DIL.

Let’s face it the way most of us celebrate it has nothing to do with the origins of the day

I was really touched to find out that my child-free daughter sends a Mother's Day card to her sister-with-kids, telling her what a great mum she is.

My Mail is 81. I wouldn’t dream of my H not inviting her to join us. My ex MIL has died. But again, they are the mums of my partners why would I want to exclude them.

your problem is not the MiL but the lazy arse that you call a H. Why can’t he cook? My son could cook dippy eggs at age 10. Tell him to look after both of you.

As retired person with too much time on his hands he didn’t think that a couple working full time would like to have a lie in on Sunday.
Didn’t work both ways,when we wanted the visit we had to call/message before hand.
He also complained about relatives staying too late,oh the irony…

Was he ever told not to call in at that time?

XH was too scared/conditioned by his parents. They are a „bulldozer” kind of people. You put all the brakes on and they still keep going through.
The brass neck of these people- they pull all the tricks to get their own way including lying/denying/pretending to not to see/hear and so on. When you tackle them head on they avoid,avoid,avoid then deny more,can’t remember and so on. Slippery bunch of eels.

That’s why it’s so hard for some people to break away from these dynamics because the only way out is actually OUT.

Mindfuckery of the highest order

That's lovely :)
I usually send a message to my best friends in a similar vein, and my mum will pop a message to each of her daughters and DILs.
It's very odd that some people feel there should be strict rules about who can and can't be celebrated.

get up when you’re ready to, have a nice long bath and let your Husband see to her. She is his Mum after all. And if anyone asks where you’ve been, you say enjoying a relaxing Mother’s Day morning, I see your Son has seen to you.

As for Grandparent presents on Mother’s Day, I know many people do this but I’m sorry but it’s my Day, they’ve had…and still have theirs.

I've got to drive to my mom's on Mothers Day as she wants her nails doing & my 16 year old is the 1 that does them. This is after losing an hours sleep (yup, great timing for the clocks this year!) & on top of regular headaches & Fibromyalgia! I'm not really thrilled at the prospect, but hey ho, such is life

Get up have a cuppa and take your dc out with you for the day. Hubbie can look after HIS mom . You do what you want - a nice walk and lunch .

Misogyny is hatred of women and ageism is discrimination against people because of their age. Pointing out ONE older woman is a selfish cow, if true, is not misogyny or ageism. I really despise how the word misogyny (amongst others) is massively overused and thrown around as an attempt to erect a political correctness shield against any valid criticism of someone just because they happen to be female. Does all the slagging off of poor husbands on here constitute misandry? No it doesn't, and noone is above criticism no matter what their age, sex, race, whatever.

It's mother's day so you stay in bed as planned, relax, you're not doing anything. Your husband will be doing everything, including bringing you breakfast in bed. Even if MIL is there. Remind him!

Christ. Good thing they're ex!

My immediate reaction is it’s your day too. So, as DH has invited her, he should be doing the catering and hosting. You should get your lie-in, tea etc. And he needs to tell MIL this. (Haven’t read all comments, so apologise if already said.)

Ask her to come later so that you can have your lie in

Who’s doing the cooking? I hope not you.

YANBU, but as the invite is a done deal, don't wear yourself out running round after them, and ask them to arrive later. I'd do a very simple lunch, ideally pre-prepared, (shop bought quiche, cheeseboard, cold meats, salad, potato salad, followed by a shop bought cake or apple pie or similar) and if anyone says anything, smile sweetly and remind them it's Mother's Day for YOU, too. Tell DH in advance of this plan, and if he wants something more elaborate he can cook it!!!

Fuck that!

He invited her, he can do all the work including looking after the kids.

I would be lying in bed until lunch was ready and then relaxing on the sofa all afternoon.

Well said.

He’s got the right to see his mother too on that day.

Sure he has.

To be honest I think it’s all a bit precious.

These mothers day threads are very tiresome, if you are a mother, then it's everyone's mothers day. Unless you're going to rip each other's throats out, what is the problem spending it all together? seriously just because you get your own children doesn't stop grandparents being mothers. One day, they won't be around and you won't even be able to have a mothers day with them. I don't remember having these conversations when I was younger and my children were young, we just all got together and had a great day.

I'm sure when you become a grandparent you will be very disappointed if your children stop going to see you on mothers day.