MIL taking over Mother’s Day

[Pinkhat123]

This Is my first year as a mom of 3 and I was quite looking forward to spending some time with my DH and DC on Mother’s Day and do something special together like go for a meal, go for a nature walk etc (nothing OTT). I was also looking forward to my first lie in (realistically til 8am/9am) and a cup of tea in bed which I was promised.

However my DH just updated me that he is going to invite his mum and step dad for lunch out on Mother’s Day. Whilst I usually have no issue with this I can’t help but feel sad that “my” day is going to be completely over shadowed by the MIL and she it will be all about grandmothers! Therefore I won’t get a simple lie in (which I so desperately need) or a cup of tea as the MIL will arrive at 9/10am after a 3hr journey. She will make it all
about her own while I’m running around feeding them
and entertaining them etc. I feel she already had her time with her DC, this is my time now.

I’ll add last year she made a complete drama that she didn’t receive any gifts on Mother’s Day from her grandchildren or DC…. At 1pm the delivery man arrived with a bunch of flowers we had already planned for her.

And another note, my eldest had surgery today. (MIL is never is part of any childcare plan, she comes to our house whenever it suits her like every 2-3 months.) And on the phone MIL wants to come now, i blurted out “no thanks I need to keep DS infection free and away from people”. She looked at me in such an evil way like he’s her child she will do what she wants.

Before people ask- yes I know I can just ask my DH to cancel or not invite her but this will cause a load of agro and im just seeking an opinion as to whether I should stick to my guns-
its Mother’s Day not grandmothers day! DH thinks I’m being unreasonable.

AIBU- to be craving just a little me time and time alone with my own 3 children for the first time.

YABU- you should suck it up and it’s a day for her too.

Time to show your children that you are not a pushover. Use your voice, speak up.

Your Dh is the culprit here but to be fair - he is not a mind reader.

Anyone can cook. He chooses to refuse to provide meals for his family, that's incredibly unattractive.
He's fine saying 'no.' to your planned day, but not to his domineering mother?

It's true that nothing would make Mr "I can only make dippy eggs, lol!" Man appreciate all you do more than you refusing to do any of it on the day he has decided to invite his parents round for a lovely meal.

But in general I think it's better to use clear and unambiguous words to tell him how you feel.

I think you’ve got bigger problems than your MIL. Why won’t you get even a cup of tea and why will you be running around looking after HIS mother on Mothers Day?

Sounds like you have a totally useless husband!

She will be selfish if she accepts the invite, she should have the good grace to step back and let you have your day. As you day, she's had her time. Can dh just be frank with her that you'd like family time without her?

No, mother's day isn't about getting away from your kids.

But it is about being thanked for all the mothering you do. Spending it with your kids who don't understand about mother's day and still need constant mothering while your other half has a nice relaxing meal in a restaurant with his mother (who is no longer in the trenches of early motherhood) is not being treated, is it?

OP I know this isn't the point of the thread, and I mean this kindly, but you do know that you're worth a cup of tea and a lie in every weekend, don't you? This reads with a sort of acceptance that you should only get that on Mothers Day, once a year?!

Tell your husband to let you have your day on Saturday, breakfast in bed, flowers and a lie in....do something together outside and have a lazy evening with a movie at home with a take away. That way you will feel pampered and can deal with the next day...mother's day doesn't have to be celebrated on the day...it's ok to adjust as needed.

Yes. This is what comes up time and time again this time of year. Women desperate for a weekend lie-in and hoping they'll get it because it's Mother's Day. You should be getting one every weekend.

MD is a red herring here. It's about the shit way your H treats you year round. MD wouldn't matter and wouldn't be something you need to beg to be special if you were treated right all the time.

Explain to your DH that you had your own plans for Mother's Day that don't include his parents. When you say there will be aggro if you do this, do you mean from your DH or your MIL?

Either speak up or accept her visit with good grace.
currently you’re sulking.

We are actually doing Mother’s Day on Saturday as DH is working on Sunday.

Im not sulking, as I said I wanted opinions on which way I should take it. I haven’t said anything yet as I’m thinking this through..

Dont worry I know how to voice my opinion.

No advice but I hear you. My MIL's ruined every single mother's day for the last 17 years. It's her opportunity to remind me what a horrible selfish old bag she is... Just incase I'd forgotten since the previous Christmas.

We always have MIL with us on Mother’s Day. We all go out for lunch. PIL will stay over Saturday night. But they don’t take over.

Sounds like you need to agree certain things including arrival time. I don’t see why you can’t have your breakfast, with them arriving at 11.30/12.00. Just tell him to insist they turn up at that time.

Don't be a martyr your husband invited them so let him do the running about/entertaining you dont have to do it. I don't understand what the big deal is you tell dh/in laws you are having a lie in and either give them a time you will be available eg 11.30am or meet at restaurant

Oh dear, then tell him he owes you a day and make sure he does something special for you 💟

tell your husband he will be the one doing all the hosting and attending his mum’s needs.

Interesting take

My DH arranged to take me & kids out for lunch, then of course the text message came through from him suggesting we extend the invite to his parents…
frankly I’m not one bit keen- but felt it’s better to keep the peace.

I do also feel that yes, she had her time. And she’d never, ever offer to look after my children so that I could have an hour or two to myself. One thing if we’re both going out, or if it’s work-related, but she’d never offer simply to give me a break.

Just talk to him, tell him you just want the focus on you as a mother this year. He can go and see his mother the day before,

If he insists then just say that’s fine, you take your mother to lunch, I will stay at home with the kids and we will do something to celebrate me here, oh and you will be entertaining your mother as I won’t be getting up early, it’s my day for a lie in, and I am not letting a finger all day

So DH is working on Sunday- does it mean that you’ll be entertaining MIL on your own? What’s the point of her coming on Mother’s Day when her son is working?

He can invite them if he wants and he can cook and clean for the visit.

It's awkward it's mother's day for her too. I'd stay on bed for a while, get your cup of tea, I'm sure your DH can at least do toast?.

This weekend we're having mother's day for me on Saturday so DD can have hers on Sunday.

No. He invited her, he entertains her.

your day proceeds as planned. Be firm. It's not unreasonable that he wants to see his mum on mothers' day, but you are a mum and your children are small so he must now help them give you a nice day.

I don’t understand, why won’t you tell DH it’s your Mother’s Day too and you eon’t be running around his mum?

Is your mum around? Could you take your kids to see your mum?