Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

I didn't mention a workplace.

If you read the thread you'll see pp asked what I'd do if I was working and there were no designated toilets. I said I'd find one.

You referred to knocking on houses. Again, totally different to having toilet facilities where you are working, but with the owner refusing you access. Now imagine you are on a schedule. You need to do X number of other jobs and you don't have time to drive around looking for a supermarket. Or you have a medical condition that means you simply cannot wait that long.

And, I don't tend to hang out in men's toilets, but not every man will leave your toilet a mess. I bet the majority would not. And if they do, you ask them to clean it.

How about if the 'work person' was female. Would you then allow them to use your sacred toilet?

So what is different between a 'work person' and one of your guests? Your guests don't shit rainbows and flowers you know

And surely having to engage in conversation where you have to refuse someone entry to your toilet is more anxiety provoking then allowing them to have a quick wee.

Why are you blaming your autism?

The person is in your home. Why is them being in the living room fine but in the bathroom “anxiety causing”.

Just weird and I think of people are honest it’s classism. The lower orders must not sully the bathrooms of the ruling classes….

This. I would think saying “no you may not use my bathroom” would make things far weirder.

👏 👏

I used to do flyering as work with no base. I never knocked on houses.

Is there a reason you're constantly putting "workspeople" in commas?

It would be the sand response although women's toilets habits tend to be more hygienic.

I answered this so you can go back and read it.

Blaming my autism for what exactly?

Having urine on your toilet seat and floor - bodily fluids is different to a sky engineer installing fibre optic.

Classism in terms of?

So your work situation flyering is totally different to those who are actually based in someone's home for a few hours or a day. Not comparable at all. And I refer to work people as you did this in a previous post where you said you would allow your guests to use your bathroom but not those working in your home. Yet you haven't been able to articulate the difference in these two groups of people and what they would do in your bathroom.

Ask them, and in the situation described by the OP, risk a very nasty accident on the carpet as a result. We'll done, BT Openreach engineer, for showing I itiative when you noticed there wasn't a new loo roll in the bathroom to replace the nearly finished one.

Why is it different? I was outside for hours at a time.

I did. My family guests are hygienic, I do my know how hygienic strangers are hence my toilet not being a public loo.

He probably saw the toilet rolls and just grabbed one, being too embarrassed to ask.
I would not want to get him in trouble because of that. Wonder what his side of the story is? He should not have left the bathroom in a mess but hardly a violation.

Because you were not based in one property. Surely you can understand that? Most people would not allow a random person who is flyering into their home. Someone who just turns up as quite rightly you don't know their credentials and where they are really from. However a plumber, joiner or other trades person is nearly always someone you have invited to work in your home and someone whose credentials you have checked either by word of mouth, references or because they are approved by the council if yours is a local authority property. It's not the same as your example. If I were flyering, I would expect to look for public toilets too.

At one point, all of your guests would have used your bathroom for the first time. Their hygiene standards were unknown to you then. I still think it's wrong to refuse a trades person access based on what you catastrophise might happen.

Neither are they.
OP had a BT engineer not a house rewirer.

Where can I find credentials for hygeine levels?

Violated is an extreme word to be used, yet another adjective that is thrown around inappropriately to create some drama.

OK he wasn't polite, he's just wanting to his job, though I'm a firm believer in manners bit don't expect them.

Defo OTT to wear shoe covers, but hey you do you.

I think it's more to do with your own issues tbh. A gruff, tired, next job to graft workman can usual become friendlier with the offer of a cuppa, bacon sarnie, biscuits, rather than a 'you're late' frown and put on these shoes.

Just my experience. Xx

You are again being deliberately obtuse. I didn't mean hygiene credentials. I meant your example of flyering. No-one would know if you were legit or a scammer seeing as you would have just shown up. Therefore people would be quite rightly nervous about letting you into the property in case you were a thief. However a trades person, whether an engineer or house rewirer, would have had their credentials (qualifications) pre checked and they would have been invited into the op's home which would then be their place of work for the day / few hours. Your place of work was not fixed so it's totally different.

Also, of course not pleasant when a stranger wants to use you use your loo but it really is just is a toilet. Don't you have toilet paper in there? Yes, embarrassing he had to look for it in nearest place but I wouldn't describe that as a violation.

When anyone comes round, surely we have TP available?

The reasons I don't allow them to use my toilet has nothing to do with me being unsure of their identity so what's the relevance of that?

If you read her posts you'll see she indeed does have toilet paper in her bathroom.

Your story reminded me of the time I had a refrigerator delivered by two clumsy oafs. They managed to dent it while moving it through the door. Then one of them asked to use the bathroom. He completely missed the toilet so quite a mess.My 4 year old grandson had better aim than that! And yes I think you should arrange for a different worker.

It’s unacceptable to deny someone the ability to use the toilet at their place of work- autism or not. It’s a basic human need/ function.

My house isn't their place of work. It's not a business premises.
I have no legal obligation to provide toileting facilities.

As uncomfortable as it would make me feel, I'd rather he mess up my bathroom than have the runs and have diarrhoea running down his legs onto my carpet and leaving a trail of runny shit through my carpet and out the door. How are you going to handle cleaning up someone's shit soaked into your carpet?