Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

Quite right. What a load of rubbish this thread is

Then i would love to know those call centres policies on employing disabled people with conditions like Crohns particularly in light of the forthcoming benefit cuts.

What a revolting pig, can you imagine a woman behaving like that at work of all places. To be honest marries up with everything Ive experienced from BT lately. Check out their trust pilot reviews, couldn't be worse.

Have you checked that nothing is missing from your wardrobe? Have you checked the rest of your room?

I wouldn't be happy either, especially with him going through your wardrobe. He definitely shouldn't have done that.

I would ask for someone else to come and tell them why.

@Redpeach what is piss scrolling?

So you do not own a toilet brush?
(Why ffs???)
And you complain someone was not able to clean your toilet?

You should feel very luckly to have a job where you do not have to stress about doing basic body functions.
I cannot imagine having tradesman in and not offering him access to the loo and a drink before he needs to ask.

He may have qualified in this trade before developing medical issues, if he even has any. If this is accurate, it is not a reason to not work because he’d still need to earn money and may not be skilled to ‘choose’ another job.

Op said of the bathroom: "went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. "
"I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition."

I certainly didn't imagine an air freshener bottle knocked over, a scrunched up bath mat and a bit of water on the floor.

i must have missed the bit about a towel crumbled on the floor as you’ve pointed out…

No I wouldn't but I also don't care about cleaning up after others. Having worked with nursery age children for fifteen years not much bothers me. And I'd rather he shit in the bathroom than any other room.

I didn't say I felt violated. I said almost. Then I referred to the feeling of my house feeling violated. There was no offence intended.

I'm extremely sorry this happened to you and no offence was intended. As explained, I said almost violated then elaborated on the feeling of my house being violated.

I know what you mean OP. I really hate strange men in my home as it’s the only place I feel properly safe. I once had a tradesmen who used my toilet after he’d finished doing a (shit) job, and not only left shit all over it, but left shitty loo roll on the floor. There’s no need for it.

Have only read your posts OP.

Whilst I’m sure none of us mind guests using the bathroom, it’s disingenuous for posters to think there isn’t the potential for an unpleasant power dynamic hear whereby an engineer visits your house, things are a big frosty re. outdoors boots/timing - next thing it’s a 20 dump in the loo and making a mess of your bathroom, smells and all, plus goes into your bedroom.

OP doesn’t have to justify how much loo roll she did/n’t have in the bathroom.

Yes they might have a medical condition and yes to all the other whataboutery. He also might have done it on purpose.

You have my sympathy, OP. I had a situation with a boiler engineer when alone in the house with DC4. It was during covid when we were still masked and distanced so things were a bit weird from the outset. I welcomed him into the house and went to show him into the kitchen where the boiler was but he told me that I'd have to wait outside the room and then he literally shut the kitchen door in my face...in my own home! But then a few minutes later he called up the stairs and asked if he could use the toilet to which I replied that unfortunately that wouldn't be possible. Then I hear water running in the kitchen and when I go to the stair he comes through adjusting his trouser zip. It was so intimidating that I instinctively stayed halfway up the stair for the rest of our interaction. I disinfected the kitchen after he left. I definitely felt a bit violated by that experience.

I think the inside of the sink was wet as well.

Why didn't you let him use the toilet?!

💐I agree.
It's very inappropriate language.

Would you allow a rude and aggressive stranger to come upstairs in your house while you are alone with a child?

That reminds me of an old neighbour who had some tradesmen come in to do something in the kitchen. She had a camera and caught them each taking a piss in the kitchen sink and laughing about it.

I let workmen use the toilet. Yes.
It was during COVID, of course he wanted to work alone in the kitchen. I don't get the bit where he was rude and aggressive, but maybe she's left details out.

THIS! So glad someone has said it. Of course there's no excuse for leaving it in a state assuming toilet brush and bleach are there, but I've always found it incredibly precious and actually quite cruel to refuse to let someone use the loo. If you have OCD that's different but I might put that on the form so they know (and can both go in advance, and not make you feel bad by asking).

Has OP said she refused? She has said he left it in a mess.

I’m struggling to see what was “precious and cruel” about OPs behaviour.

I think you are over reacting and obviously do not like men in your home. You do not have a baby crawling and even if you did you can use a hoover after they leave.

I don’t manage these types of situations that well and try to avoid them but that’s because I have actually been attacked and sexually assaulted in the past and suffered dv and I have ptsd.

whenever I read posts like this I always stop to think do the OP’s not realise what it actually feels like if you have been attacked?

Sounds horrible, YANBU, very cheeky attitude in your home, I get how you feel.