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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel pissed off!?

126 replies

Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:01

my baby is 5 months old and just won’t nap in the daytime other than while being pushed in the pram. It’s driving me bonkers as I can’t get anything done around the house and it’s a mess! The dog (not my dpg, my partners but I’m the only one who walks him) isn’t being walked much as I’m just too knackered and he is too strong for me when carrying baby so he’s leaping around the house and stressing me out. The clutter everywhere is really getting on top of me (literally and metaphorically), it just feels like one day after the other of shit. My partner does absolutely nothing, gets home from work and expects cup of tea and a cake and then an hour to poo and shower before dinner. He gets mad if the baby is crying while I’m trying to cook dinner and have to leave her in bouncy seat or playmat, she’s upset because she’s tired because she doesn’t nap.. it’s a horrid cycle and just looking for ideas of how to begin a change!! She used to have lovely naps in her bed or pram, she does sleep well at night so at least there’s that! The AIBU is my partner has announced (to me and on Facebook) that he’s going to start going to the gym after work every night, and golf on weekends (“only” once or twice a month, plus another activity once a month), he does NOTHING around the house and in 5 months has done maybe 6 nappy changes. I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong. AIBU to be annoyed / feel hard done by? I don’t get to do anything, having a shower is a treat for me!

OP posts:
MostlyHappyMummy · 25/03/2025 15:04

Have reported your post

FatLarrysBanned · 25/03/2025 15:04

Ditch the partner and tell him to take his dog with him. Put in a CMS claim and get back to work as soon as you can once childcare has been arranged.

ShaunaSadeki · 25/03/2025 15:05

MostlyHappyMummy · 25/03/2025 15:04

Have reported your post

Why?

ShaunaSadeki · 25/03/2025 15:06

@Sandandsea123 this all sounds very hard. But regarding your partner: what exactly is the point of him? He seems to be bringing absolutely nothing to the table

soarklyknobs · 25/03/2025 15:10

You have a very strange definition of the word “partner”.

Move out, or get him to, depending on whose house you are living in.

Life will be so much easier and you’ll be less resentful if he comes and picks the baby up once a week, rather than you living with him (& his dog) and having to clean up after him, as well as paying 90% of the rent & bills 🙄

Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:14

soarklyknobs · 25/03/2025 15:10

You have a very strange definition of the word “partner”.

Move out, or get him to, depending on whose house you are living in.

Life will be so much easier and you’ll be less resentful if he comes and picks the baby up once a week, rather than you living with him (& his dog) and having to clean up after him, as well as paying 90% of the rent & bills 🙄

It’s my house. I guess I’m scared of being a single parent again. I have an older daughter who has no relationship with her father and it wa so tough doing it on my own. Guess at least if he is here then the baby has him at least!

OP posts:
Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:14

MostlyHappyMummy · 25/03/2025 15:04

Have reported your post

Why??

OP posts:
Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:14

ShaunaSadeki · 25/03/2025 15:06

@Sandandsea123 this all sounds very hard. But regarding your partner: what exactly is the point of him? He seems to be bringing absolutely nothing to the table

I love him

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 25/03/2025 15:16

He sounds useless. Not sure why you love a useless man.

singlewhitetrashheap · 25/03/2025 15:18

You have a manchild. Time to kick him out because he will never change.

CeffylCoch · 25/03/2025 15:18

Get rid of him

PsychoHotSauce · 25/03/2025 15:19

Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:14

I love him

He doesn't love you though?

LauderSyme · 25/03/2025 15:27

If this is true... What the actual fuck?!

He works but fails to provide.
He fathered a child but fails to parent.
He has a dog but fails to meet it's needs.
He has a home but fails to manage it.

The only thing he seems to be good at looking after is his bowel movements.

You are not his partner. You are his maid, childminder and sugar mummy. Tell him he doesn't have time to go to the bloody gym because he has responsibilities. If he fails to recognise this fact, chuck him in the bin. He is taking you for an absolute mug.

LollyLand · 25/03/2025 15:31

Plonk baby in a bouncer or play mat and stick Ms Rachel on YouTube.

Henbags · 25/03/2025 15:32

He certainly sounds loveable.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 25/03/2025 15:33

Can you walk the baby in her pram and then wheel her into the house so she can sleep in the pram and you can get some rest?

BurntBanana · 25/03/2025 15:33

Sandandsea123 · 25/03/2025 15:14

I love him

Why?!

AlwaysCoffee25 · 25/03/2025 15:33

Also do you baby wear? You can get most stuff around the house done like that.

simpledeer · 25/03/2025 15:34

Dump him. He’s treating you like shit.

sciaticafanatica · 25/03/2025 15:40

You are showing your children that it’s ok to be disrespected and treated like shit!
it’s time to pick your self respect up off the floor and set some boundaries.
if you was to end up a single parent, your life would be no different as your partner is not actually parenting or helping

Igmum · 25/03/2025 15:40

You have a DP problem. You’re effectively a single parent now but to three instead of two. He’s a knob. I’m a single parent too and my DD didn’t sleep as a baby either (my friends’ babies seemed to be sleeping machines!) and yes it’s tough but you have all that already plus resentment because your DP is awful. You and your DC deserve better than that.

ShroudedOrchard · 25/03/2025 15:41

"I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong."

TBH this is all you needed to say. It's abuse. YANBU based on this alone. You'd probably get more on child maintenance if you booted him.

AlanShore · 25/03/2025 15:44

Well she doesn't have him does she?

He's not pulling his weight. You would be better off with him gone

CocoPlum · 25/03/2025 15:44

ShroudedOrchard · 25/03/2025 15:41

"I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong."

TBH this is all you needed to say. It's abuse. YANBU based on this alone. You'd probably get more on child maintenance if you booted him.

At that age what worked for my nap refuser was shorter wake windows. If they showed tired cues, it was too late, were overtired, wouldn't nap. We went strict on putting them down 2 hours from waking. Worked a treat.

However this post I've quoted says it all about your "partner".

AlanShore · 25/03/2025 15:44

MostlyHappyMummy · 25/03/2025 15:04

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