To feel pissed off!?

[Sandandsea123]

my baby is 5 months old and just won’t nap in the daytime other than while being pushed in the pram. It’s driving me bonkers as I can’t get anything done around the house and it’s a mess! The dog (not my dpg, my partners but I’m the only one who walks him) isn’t being walked much as I’m just too knackered and he is too strong for me when carrying baby so he’s leaping around the house and stressing me out. The clutter everywhere is really getting on top of me (literally and metaphorically), it just feels like one day after the other of shit. My partner does absolutely nothing, gets home from work and expects cup of tea and a cake and then an hour to poo and shower before dinner. He gets mad if the baby is crying while I’m trying to cook dinner and have to leave her in bouncy seat or playmat, she’s upset because she’s tired because she doesn’t nap.. it’s a horrid cycle and just looking for ideas of how to begin a change!! She used to have lovely naps in her bed or pram, she does sleep well at night so at least there’s that! The AIBU is my partner has announced (to me and on Facebook) that he’s going to start going to the gym after work every night, and golf on weekends (“only” once or twice a month, plus another activity once a month), he does NOTHING around the house and in 5 months has done maybe 6 nappy changes. I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong. AIBU to be annoyed / feel hard done by? I don’t get to do anything, having a shower is a treat for me!

I put you are are being unreasonable because you have the solution to almost all of your problems in front of of you. He is not a partner he is at best lazy and at worst abusive. It is your house, you can ask him to leave. You can get that in hand, start a claim for child support and move on with your life. Without him to take into consideration, or his dog, you can sort yourself out a routine and work on sleeping.

Why?

Well that’s ok. You can post on Facebook that you’re going to start running/pottery class/ line dancing (take your pick) several times a week and once at the weekend. He can look after his own child then.

why? he doesn't care about you.

Well that is neglect for the dog so you need to give it up or start walking and caring for it.

He sounds awful, can’t see why you are with him.

Jesus how can you put up with this? Honestly, you are vastly better off doing it all without him as whilst you will still be doing everything you won't be carrying around the boiling resentment of this selfish twat leaving you to do everything. If you are going to do everything then he should be paying 90% of bills, not you. You can test if he's a real partner or a selfish loser by asking him to switch up finances and pay substantially more of the bills whilst you are on maternity. A partner wpuld see the fairness in that and agree, even if they debate exact amounts. A selfish twat will not recognise the need to redress the balance.

It is heartbreaking to read this and see that you don't think this is OK but seemingly feel powerless to address it. Your DC - and you - deserve better.

It has always bothered me when , I feel, mumsnetters are quick to say “dump him”

I can say, for the first time ever - I agree.

get rid

OP I bet you are thinking all these women telling me to kick him out and they have no clue what it’s like being a single parent. We do, many of use do, including me. I think it’s easier to be a lone/single parent than to have a useless/abusive man around. why? Because of all the shitty relationship models your kids are learning, because you are constantly having to negotiate and he has you walking on eggshells so he doesn’t withhold money. You are better on your own.

Wish my mum had had this book and done the Freedom course. She sadly lost 31 years of her life married to an abusive man - with holding money, threats whenever she said she would leave, cut her off from family, never did anything to help, yes totally expecting cake and tea. It got worse as they got older, she was his carer and it was beyond awful. Abuse and disrespect got far worse, until mercifully he died earlier this year. She is now 76 and is getting her life and house back in order. Which is great, but she won't ever get those 31 years back.

Dear readers (and OP), don't let this be you. Life is precious and we just can't waste it on men who are so unworthy.

Tell him he has to hire a cleaner and a dog walker. Long walks in push chair or drives if you have car access. To help sleep and to aid your sanity.

I had a baby who cried a lot and was a non-sleeper. Hang on in there.

It's hellish to go through - and I had a supportive partner.

So you'd take even a pathetic, selfish, financially abusive arse who has proven to be a terrible husband and partner and a disinterested father at best over being alone.

Not a great example for your DCs and not what you'd want for them surely!

Ditch the deadweight
You will be better off financially
You will not have to walk on eggshells
Your children will see a strong role model
You can do what you want when you want
You will feel a massive weight has been lifted
You will regain your self worth
You can offload the dog (love dogs btw)
You can feel an immense sense of pride
You are taking care of your children alone now so what difference will him hanging around your neck like a ball and chain help with that
Your children NEED YOU not a cocklodger who sucks the air out of the room

But you're doing it on your own now

This lazy, abusive cocklodger is a burden on your life. Get rid.

I've got a 7 month old, can't get anything done, the house is a mess, there's clutter everywhere etc... but I think that's normal at the moment but the way your partner is behaving is awful. Were you doing the lions share before you went on maternity leave? What are you're plans for child care when you go back to work? I know you say you love him but in this situation I'd be more worried about rasing two daughters in a home where a man treats you like this and the example it's setting. If you're children were being treated like this what would you tell them to do?

We have a similar age baby. My husband comes home, takes the kids off my hands and makes dinner. And if we wanted to do something at the weekend we would check in and ask each other, not just announce it.

Look up what you’d get for CMS. This man is a waste of space.

Im sure ive read this before very familiar.

Please be so for real right now. There’s so many issues here I don’t even know where to start

Cocklodger is a word I learnt on MN. Your "partner" is the very definition.

That's because there do seem to be a lot of women that are more than happy to have babies with his type...then moan about it once they've bought a new life into the world. Where seemingly the father becomes a lazy arse overnight.

How awful. You must have really low self esteem.

Sell the dog, keep the money and tell him it ran away.

On a practical note, because everyone else has covered the 'partner' issue, sign up to 'Borrow my doggy' and get help with walking.

Unacceptable for the dog to suffer because his dad's an arsehole.

He's using your home as a dosshouse and horribly, the baby is his stake in it and justifies his continuing presence there, useless as he is

Boot him out.

He’s a cock lodger and an awful father.

Find some self esteem and chuck the fucker out.

Why would you love this useless, selfish piece of shit?

You’re literally paying for him to live. You’re taking money away from your children to give to this.

That doesn’t seem right to me. Why does it seem right to you @Sandandsea123? Surely you’re not that desperate?