To feel pissed off!?

[Sandandsea123]

my baby is 5 months old and just won’t nap in the daytime other than while being pushed in the pram. It’s driving me bonkers as I can’t get anything done around the house and it’s a mess! The dog (not my dpg, my partners but I’m the only one who walks him) isn’t being walked much as I’m just too knackered and he is too strong for me when carrying baby so he’s leaping around the house and stressing me out. The clutter everywhere is really getting on top of me (literally and metaphorically), it just feels like one day after the other of shit. My partner does absolutely nothing, gets home from work and expects cup of tea and a cake and then an hour to poo and shower before dinner. He gets mad if the baby is crying while I’m trying to cook dinner and have to leave her in bouncy seat or playmat, she’s upset because she’s tired because she doesn’t nap.. it’s a horrid cycle and just looking for ideas of how to begin a change!! She used to have lovely naps in her bed or pram, she does sleep well at night so at least there’s that! The AIBU is my partner has announced (to me and on Facebook) that he’s going to start going to the gym after work every night, and golf on weekends (“only” once or twice a month, plus another activity once a month), he does NOTHING around the house and in 5 months has done maybe 6 nappy changes. I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong. AIBU to be annoyed / feel hard done by? I don’t get to do anything, having a shower is a treat for me!

Oh op. This is a horrible read. Is there anything anyone can say that will help you understand how awful he is, and what an absolute disaster it is to bring your children up thinking this is ok. It isn’t. It isn’t any where near acceptable. A good father is putting ALL of his earnings in to a family pot and he is doing HALF the childcare and housework when he is not at work. I have brought my daughters up to not accept anything less, and would be absolutely horrified if they accepted what you are accepting. Being nice to you occasionally is no where near good enough.
please get help op to help you understand. For the sake of your children. Talk to your family, your friends, women’s aid, other chat forums. They will all be horrified by how awful he is.

This got worse as it went on. He’s abusing you. Get out. You do it by yourself anyway, you don’t need him.

You already are a single parent again. He does nothing for you, your child or your home.

Your child does not have his dad even if he’s physically present because he does nothing for them and even gets annoyed when they cry?

And by the way op.

the 5% of Yabu will have voted that because they mean Yabu to not have kicked him out. It’s literally absurd.

and the first post about reporting your post will be similar - a person who thinks this is so bad and so unbelievable that you haven’t kicked him out, that they think it can’t be true, and thus that you must be a troll.

It really shocks me how much shit a lot of women seem to put up with from useless men.

You love him, but he clearly doesn't love or respect you. Please get some self respect and leave this useless dickhead, you deserve so much better and so does your child.

They don't have him. He is not a parent.

Oh OP, I hear you about the baby bit! Everyone on here has told you what to do regarding your partner!
I have a little one that won’t nap either. I am also very organised and tidy and can’t relax if things are just so!
I have got a cleaner (took ages for me to agree to have one) and a dog walker for my darling doggy who was struggling a bit with the lack of attention.
i do the housework/tidying up at night once baby is asleep. And I do the afternoon walk with her either on a sling or buggy this is the time I am at a loss with entertaining her and it’s too close to bed time for a nap and just before dinner time for the dog!
it helps. Hubby travels a lot for work (2/3 nights away from home) but on days when he is here. I do the shopping and cooking for the week! I leave ironing for the cleaner. I also had to accept I can’t be who I used to be so have learnt to not be so bothered by the house (and myself) looking like the tip! also tidy something away immediately after use rather than later! As my mum says do something small and it makes a huge difference.. not the point of the post but just wanted you to know you aren’t alone!

This is terrible. You’re basically a working single parent with a big dog! Firstly none of this is you- your hours are spent doing childcare which is an incredibly important job. If you manage to do housework then bonus. You can’t do everything

Some things to cope:
don’t do housework when baby is napping- do some at night if they sleep well.
rehome the dog or make partner pay for a dog walker
if partner doesn’t pay towards your house they move out. It’s financial abuse to punish you by with holding funds.
whatever leisure time partner has I’d demand in return - within the realm of what is possible at this time eg if you are bf you can’t leave baby all day.

but really you shouldn’t waste your love on someone who doesn’t respect you. Why is he treating you like a slave. He’s a total gold digger!!! Taking your money AND using your time to do all his cooking, cleaning and free loading in your house.
and you gave your body to grow his child. How disrespectful of him.

money for golf but not bills? No way.

My son is 5.5 months old and I had the same problem with naps the past 2 wks! Not just naps but refusing his bottle screaming because he was overtired but hungry won’t sleep because he is hungry. I’ve switched to weaning and it’s worked wonders! Maybe try solids it may help to fill the tum but also give milk feeds as normal. This past week has been amazing and he is so much happier. And he is loving his food always a bonus! Hope this helps!!

I’m sorry but you are being a mug. He should be paying half of everything or paying a fair rent. He’s a crap dad he’s basically saying he’s going to be a single man whilst you do everything with baby, house and pay for everything. You couldn’t get a meal in a restaurant for 2 for 50 quid a week. That’s an Insult he’s having his cake and eating it. Wake up get rid before it gets worse. Why are you putting up with this if your dc ended up repeating everything you are doing in a relationship what advice would you give them. You may love him but it’s definitely one sided where is the respect facebooking you. You’re not a friend or colleague. He’s not taking his responsibilities as a dad seriously I hope for your sake you get rid or get him to do more.

OP, he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you.

One day of being a partner does not make up for the extended abuse he’s subjected you to. Please leave him.

You love what you thought he was before he showed you he doesn’t respect or love you.

he and the dog both need to go, even if temporarily till
he adjusts his contribution to the relationship.

Why?

Presumably because it’s unbelievable that any person would put up with this. No financial contribution, nasty to his child, no housework, nasty to the op, lazy, selfish, sexist, misogynistic, adding nothing other than very occasional breadcrumbs to the ops life whilst she slaves for him. It’s fairly unbelievable.

So you pay for everything and you do everything. What exactly does this prince of a man bring to the table? You would be better off single…

I don't understand, did you know he was like this before? or has he suddenly changed?

Poor dog too. I’d definitely insist he takes the dog for an evening walk. Also get a baby play pen, then you can put baby in there while have a shower and she will be safe. It’s hard to do, but you need to have a nap time in the day, she sounds very tired. Does she fall asleep if you put her in her cot and walk away? Just keep checking every 5 minutes. It does get easier but tiredness and resentment will be so bc ad for your relationship. Have a proper talk with him. You don’t need to split up, just put some rules in

Please please have some self regard and respect. You really have to kick him out along with the dog. If he won’t take the dog then rehome it through an agency like the dogs trust or RSPCA. You’ll get child support from him as he’s the biological father. Could you ask a friend or relative for emotional support in the beginning whilst you adjust to the changes. If anyone knew the truth they would gladly offer Im sure. You’ve been badly treated and need better people/partners in your life. You won’t have the opportunity whilst he’s in your home and being such a burden. You must be emotionally exhausted not to mention having terribly eroded morale.

Your tone is too harsh. You don’t know her full situation and how she really feels about things. This woman is in distress. Be more helpful.

You don’t have a napping baby problem you have a shitty partner problem. Get rid of him and his dog and that’s one less issue. He can pay child support and hopefully see his kid regularly and you won’t need to resent his useless arse!

Yoy don’t have a partner
you have a toxic, borderline abusive relationship. Withholding money from you? Financial abuse. Doing fuck all around the house? Weaponised incompetence.

Get out. There’s nothing wrong with being a single mother. To even suggest “at least the baby will have him” is nonsense, nobody should want an abusive man anywhere near their children.

I gave my opinion by what the OP wrote.

Nothing harsh, just honest.

Far to many women now get with deadbeat men, get pregnant either with the full knowledge that they're going to have to go 'solo', fine your choice or expecting that those
deadbeats will suddenly start stepping up as a parent once baby is born, which possibly is never going to happen, they're just left to do it all by themselves.

Proof is in these type of posts, only way that you can "be more helpful" is to advise women to make better choices before getting pregnant by deadbeat men, will that advise be taken, again and proven by how many posts are written on MN about the same subject, probably not.

That is not enough reason to allow him to use you like this.

He is using you and taking advantage but you're letting him.

He has responsibilities and you should be able to shower with him taking care of his child.

I'd start my ditching your fella, you already have one child to look after! Unfortunately for now, you have to just plod through it and believe us when we say it WILL get easier

Disgusting thing to suggest.its not the poor dog's fault.