To feel pissed off!?

[Sandandsea123]

my baby is 5 months old and just won’t nap in the daytime other than while being pushed in the pram. It’s driving me bonkers as I can’t get anything done around the house and it’s a mess! The dog (not my dpg, my partners but I’m the only one who walks him) isn’t being walked much as I’m just too knackered and he is too strong for me when carrying baby so he’s leaping around the house and stressing me out. The clutter everywhere is really getting on top of me (literally and metaphorically), it just feels like one day after the other of shit. My partner does absolutely nothing, gets home from work and expects cup of tea and a cake and then an hour to poo and shower before dinner. He gets mad if the baby is crying while I’m trying to cook dinner and have to leave her in bouncy seat or playmat, she’s upset because she’s tired because she doesn’t nap.. it’s a horrid cycle and just looking for ideas of how to begin a change!! She used to have lovely naps in her bed or pram, she does sleep well at night so at least there’s that! The AIBU is my partner has announced (to me and on Facebook) that he’s going to start going to the gym after work every night, and golf on weekends (“only” once or twice a month, plus another activity once a month), he does NOTHING around the house and in 5 months has done maybe 6 nappy changes. I’m on maternity and pay 90% of bills, he transfers me about £50 a week sometimes, but withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong. AIBU to be annoyed / feel hard done by? I don’t get to do anything, having a shower is a treat for me!

Poor children.
Your poor older daughter.
What a complete and utter toss pot you moved in.

Both children with utter losers as fathers.
So sad.

More fool you then!

You have such a low bar it’s in the ground. A man who ‘sometimes’ pays £50 keep
and will also withhold it… seriously? This is the role model you’re choosing to show your children?

Clearly not that scared, unless your boyfriend was an absolute saint before you got pregnant and had a baby signs must have been there that he had so little respect for you.

What does he do that makes you love him? Surely you don't love that he lets you pay 90% of the bills? That he doesn't even look after his own dog, never mind his own child? That he expects a cup of tea and a piece of cake when he walks in from work (please tell me you don't actually do that?!!)? That he plans on going out so much and leave you alone with your child? That he treats you so poorly that you think having a shower is a treat?

I'm going to say something horrible here, but if one of your daughters came to you and said the father of her child treated her the way your partner treats you, how would you feel? Sad? Angry? Because if you don't sort your life out and model better behaviour, she is going to model your behaviour and end up with a shitty life, just like yours! He brings NOTHING to your life, he brings NOTHING to your daughters' lives. Surely it's better to grow up in a home seeing a single mum, who stood up for herself and valued herself, than watching their poor mum run herself ragged, being treated by rubbish by the man that donated the sperm that brought her into being?

Trust me, your daughters are better without this man in their lives. Please, do it for them, if not for yourself. Wish my mum hadn't thought about how she didn't want to be a single mum and had thought what might actually be better for her daughters! Please, you and your daughters deserve so much better!

Get rid of the freeloading, selfish, lazy bastard and then at least you won't have to feed him, clean up after him or subsidise him.

Your daughter deserves a better example of a relationship than you can give her with her waste of space father. The least you can do is show her that women don't have to tolerate being treated like shit.

Sorry but you need to wake up and leave him. Doesn’t sound like he loves you or your child.

He works but doesn’t contribute financially.
He won’t look after his own kid.
He gets annoyed about his own kid crying.
He creates mess that you don’t have time to clear up.
He expects you to look after his dog.
He expects to be waited on.
He is selfish with his time and would prefer to do his own thing than help you.

What are you getting from him exactly? Don’t get me wrong, my dh annoys the life out of me sometimes but I believe that on balance a partner should make your life easier not more stressful. Just have a think about what life might be like without him there leaching off you and bringing you down.

Imagine condemning 2 innocent children to a life with this complete arsehole as a ‘father’. If you can’t raise your bar for your own sake, at least do it for theirs! Poor kids.
You’re enabling this shitty behaviour.

How can you love a man who respects you so little? Who doesn’t give a shit about his child? You’re already a single mum with an adult baby. Get him gone.

I think you are better off without him, he doesn't sound much like a partner.

Or give him an ultimatum, he really needs to change - and not just small things. You need a serious chat with him.

If you won’t kick him out and he can’t be arsed to do anything then he pays.
For a dog walker daily.
For a cleaner once or twice a week.
You draw up a list with all the household bills, he pays 50%.

He is really taking the piss.

You’re already a single parent …..

You're already a single parent. You need to get rid of this abusive arsehole. However you've said you love him so doubt you will.

Was this how your parents' relationship was when you were growing up, or something?

I'm wondering how you can love someone that has so little love or care for you...or his own child even?

Except he's pretty useless and doesn't seem to spend any time with her anyway

This guy is sponging off you, does nothing to help and is planning on spending even less time with you. He resents the baby crying.

He is not a decent bloke, and you are effectively a single parent already.

he is costing you money and doing nothing for you!

You know what has to happen, you need to kick him and his dog out!

I love him
Grow up.

He is not a good role model gor your children, he financially abuses you, witholds money, comes and goes as he pleases like he is in hotel.
What on earth is there to love

Start respecting yourself and stop being a mug.

Jesus OP. Please see that this is abusive. Would you want a relationship like this for your daughter. Kick the absolute waste of space out

He gets mad if the baby is crying
withholds this if he thinks I’ve done something wrong

I've picked these two sentences out because they're the clearest examples of abuse in your post OP but it's obvious in everything you've said that he is not a good man, you and your baby deserve so much more. Everyone here will tell you to leave him (and they're right) but before there's any chance of that happening you need to be open to learning about abuse so you can understand what he's doing to you, knowledge is power in your situation. You have absolutely nothing to lose by doing a bit of reading (I'll post a link for you to have a look at) and maybe doing the Freedom Programme, and everything to gain by educating yourself to recognise abusive patterns.
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

You love him? Well you need to reflect on why you love someone who treats you and your child like this, and realise that your emotional feelings for this man are not more important than his crapness as a partner and father.

In what way does the baby have him if he doesn't even pick them up when they are crying and you are making dinner? If you got rid of him at least you wouldn't have to deal with his dog or make him tea and cake (wtf) when he comes home from a job that is barely contributing to the household.

Well we know he isn't going to change.

So, you have 2 options, leave him or accept that this is your life.

He contributes nothing and withholds if you piss him off.

You'll choose what you want to do ultimately..

This is really sad OP. You say you love this man, but how can you when you’ve written what you have about your situation on here?

This man clearly doesn’t love you otherwise you wouldn’t be in the predicament you are.

The only solution here is to tell him to ship up or ship out…

Sorry @Sandandsea123 he sounds awful. Not paying his way and not contributing in any other way either.