Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

Really? Why doesn’t he just get his arse in gear and walk the 20 minutes.

This is why we've got the shit show outside every primary school of a morning and over congested roads, car drivers are starting to think that a twenty minute walk is unreasonable. It's a no, especially in the holidays. Those of us on foot doing school runs etc don't get to pick 'if the weathers good', 'if it's flat'. A 40 minute walk a day is the minimum an adult should be doing.

Bloody hell YANBU.

Yes, exactly, and it has something to do with why everyone is so fat and unhealthy as well.

It's doesn't need to fall on deaf ears. You just don't do it.

NO on repeat! Ask him which bit of NO he doesn't understand. He's being lazy and controlling and thinks his time and convenience is more important than yours and the children's. Please don't back down OP. My husband would love a 20 min walk to work...no car, no train, bus etc. Just to walk to work. He's being a massive baby and to be honest this would be the hill I chose to die on as he's MASSIVELY disrespecting you. Stay strong 💪

Love the idea of needing a lift if the walk isn't flat. I live at the top of a steep hill and walk up and down it twice a day at least. Once a week I haul the weekly shop up there on foot. (We are a zero car household so I have little choice).

That maybe why my resting heart rate is 58 bpm.

Men stop treating maternity leave as a holiday challenge.

If it was raining heavily and my DH was at home with nothing to do, I’d be pretty disappointed if he let me cycle half an hour to work tbh. I would definitely offer him a lift if the roles were reversed.

Half an hour on the toilet?? Fucking hell, what’s he doing in there? Tell him to cut that down to 20 minutes then bingo! There’s his extra 10 minutes to walk to work.

Advantages of him walking to work:

• fresh air
• exercise
• less environmental impact
• fewer cars on the roads
• not having to corral 3 kids into the car twice a day
• peace and quiet away from the kids and work

He is being completely unreasonable. 20 minutes is nothing. Poor kids (and you) having to put up with that.

I reckon you could goad the kids into making it a stressful experience for him, to put him right off!

I agree that 20 minutes walk is nothing! i do that before 6am walking the dog! its no distance at all! What a DH

OP doesn’t have nothing to do though does she? She’s looking after 3 kids and getting dinner ready 🤷‍♀️

But no one with a baby and two young children is ever ‘at home with nothing to do’, so what’s your point? I might make the special effort if it was raining but if my dh thought I may as well because I had ‘nothing to do’ he could swim to work through the downpour for all I care.

This is why we have an obesity problem. So many people can't be bothered to walk 20 minutes. I could be wrong here but I'm assuming he sits down all day at work, then wants to be driven to and from work. People need to move their bodies, to walk places. Can't believe some people are agreeing that you should drive him!

Please tell me you're joking??! OP hasn't mentioned anything about her 'D'H having mobility issues so walking for 20 minutes (even if it is uphill) will actually be good for him. What the hell is wrong with people! I used to walk for 40 minutes to school every day in all weather, there was no other option. Why on earth should a sleep deprived mother have to waste her precious time driving around an able-bodied well-rested man because he can't be arsed walking for 20 minutes? Madness. Not to mention the bullying and undermining...this is not a man who deserves favours!

I’d love a 20 minute walk to work! I have colleagues who travel 2 hours each way, and I have a 30 minute bike ride that I do rain or shine. Asking someone with a small baby and 2 other kids to be your taxi service is beyond lazy.

20 minutes walk each way is good for him

ans Why does he think it’s worth costing you 20 mins to save him 10 ? His time worth more ?

Three toddlers and a baby must be a steretch
Maybe he'll learn how to walk soon

FFS seriously - he puts you all out for the sake of a 20 min walk. You have a 4th child and unfortunately this one is selfish and the worst.

You have to insist no means no and the first time he ignores it just ignore him too. If he's late he's late and he won't do it again. Put your foot down or nothing will change..

How about: if he wants a lift, he gets the kids up, gives them breakfast, gets them washed and dressed and ready to go out, you can get your much-needed sleep, come down with the baby and in your onesie or similar, so all you have to do is get in the car and drive him to work and come home

Yes.

Then he also does getting their dinner and putting them to bed. You're doing the night feeds and care all day.

Also, how much does a taxi cost?

He's being completely unreasonable. A 20 minute walk each way is perfectly doable (use to walk longer than that to work at times and know plenty of others that do to) and really healthy for him.
He is being lazy and cohesive in refusing to walk and not accepting your no - especially telling the children something different. Especially when he's not finishing at a set time and expects you to drop what you and 3 children are doing to pick him up.
Just keep saying no......(Especially in the evenings - turn your phone off if you have to.....)
Think you may have to reacess your relationship if this continues.

of course you should always agree to give him a life back. And then leave him there until you have a gap - a few days waiting over an hour or two should fix this

Keep on saying ‘no’ and mean it! It sounds like you actually have 4 children, one of them particularly large and whiney!

The topography of your local area is irrelevant. The distance is irrelevant. The weather is irrelevant. The mode of transport is irrelevant. Your husband is an adult and should be able to make his own way to work.

Use this issue as a practice run on saying ‘no’ and meaning it in all areas of your life. I bet this isn’t the only time your husband has bullied you into submitting to his wishes. It’s not going to be easy to retrain him but it has to be done or you’ll be a doormat for the rest of your married life.

In this instance, if he refuses to take ‘no’ for an answer, just take yourself off to the loo for half an hour or so …

He can also wait until you've finished changing the nappy / the cooking is done as you aren't going to come out leaving the oven on / anything else he'd have to wait for in the evening.

The thing that I find most astonishing about these posts is that people don’t just say no. Of course you shouldn’t be taking him to work every day but the biggest worry for me is that you can’t just tell him no.