Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

FFS. DH & I commute by train and we have a 15min walk to our station and then the journey on top of that.

But no way would either of us expect a lift if the other one wasn’t working. 15mins is not a long walk.

(And it’s uphill all the way back, it’s not even like it’s flat).

Your DH sounds lazy and selfish.

He spends half an hour in the toilet? In the morning, while you're getting everybody ready?

His behaviour is self-indulgent, manipulative and wrong.

Please stop enabling him.

I’m genuinely appalled by this. He “won’t take no for an answer” ?? Who the actual fuck does he think he is?

I bet he thinks because he’s working and you’re ‘just at home’, he thinks of you and can treat you as lesser, and that you should be bending over backwards to do whatever he wants.

Fuck no.

yeah.....its a no from me....if I was in that position and he had been adult about it, I may have been open to reconsidering but such childish bevaviour would put me right off.

What do you mean by 'nothing to do'? OP has a five month old baby and two children to get ready for school. A 20 minute walk is relatively relaxing compared to that. OP has also been up in the night while her lazy DH has a full night's sleep.

Blimey, how mean can you get?

How is teaching your child resilience mean?

Tell him no. Be firm and ignore any tantrums /bullying

it’s a 20m walk ffs

def more hassle for you to put all in car. Take. - return home etx then school

teatime. Maybe if a set time. Say you do tea 5 and he wants a lift at 430 so yes cooks in air fryer etx while you drive to get him . Or waits till 530/6 after tea

What happens when you are at work? And it isn’t ‘helping’ it is parenting. How much parenting does he do at weekends/evenings? What about when you are no longer in maternity leave, will he step up?

How do his colleagues get to work?

Say no. 20 minutes walk (if it is that short) is nothing. If it's longer then you need to look at alternatives because even if you wanted to take him now, it's likely not feasible long term.

I happily walk the 20 minutes to take the kids to school then walk back and spend another 5 hours on my feet at work before doing the school run again. Sometimes I do drive but that's because I have the option, if for whatever reason my car is unavailable then we all have to suck it up even in the rain.

When I couldn't drive I used to have to walk everywhere or get the bus and still go to work on my feet. That's just normal life.

He is so unbelievably selfish, I only have one kid and definitely couldn’t manage dropping someone to work as well as getting her to nursery. If he gets in the car just drop everyone else first and let him
be late, he’ll get the hint eventually. He does sound like a big manchild!

Is he really unfit or is it just laziness. His commute is the stuff of dreams so I would be worried about his general health if he won’t walk such a short distance! Maybe get him a fitbit for his next birthday and subtly send a few articles his way about all the ways a sedentary lifestyle will kill you.

Why can't DH be dropped off later, when the older children are dropped at breakfast club?
I would drive him to work if he changes his routine to match your leave time.

No way would I pick him up.
You will be doing readers, evening meal, baths etc. Buy him some inline skates and lessons, he should be able to skate, walk or Uber home..

You need to “pop out” somewhere regularly and ask him to load the kids into the car to drop off and collect you. He obviously has no idea how disruptive and challenging it is to do this. My DH was so much more understanding after I went to (had to) work at weekend leaving him with young DCs. He was amazed at home little he could get done and how long everything took.

It's a twenty minute walk. Does he have mobility issues (probably not as he's considered cycling). If not, tell him to walk. Lazy git.

He is wrong to want to inconvenience 4 people, to avoid a 20 minute walk. Selfish and lazy.

My teens walk 10min to the bus stop then 30min on a bus. They’ve done this from yr7, 11 years old.
Buy him a cheap bike!

10 mins drive does not equal a 20 min walk, unless he walks at professional walker speed.

20 min walk = 1.5 miles ish

10 min drive = 5ish

How far is it?

Your DH is being extremely unreasonable. Not only is he a badgering bully but he’s a lazy arse too.
20 minute walk there and back is nothing. Especially as we’re heading into Spring and Summer. Tell him to buy some trainers and use the time to make up his step count. It will do him the world of good. Keep him healthy.

20 min walk is nothing. It’s 5 mins, if that, on a bike. I can only see that in the depths of winter you might offer, but even then it is a favour as you are busy!

my husband walks 20 mins to drop toddler at nursery on his way to the station. I’m at home with 5 month old. I could, in theory, take them both in the car, but he’d never ask! And I only have 1 baby to contend with at home.

No YANBU. He should walk. A 20 min walk to work is the dream for most. Maybe if the weather is truly terrible he could get a lift but that’s not often.

We have 3 and my youngest would often have a decent chunk of sleep between maybe 5am and 8.30am (after keeping me up all night!). If he was sleeping I’d wake to a cup of coffee and some toast on the bedside table, my partner would take the kids to school/ nursery and then go on to work. That few hours sleep made the world of difference and it’s little things like that which mean a marriage survives rather than crumbles.

You need to treat his mithering like a small child asking for sweets- if you let him badger you in to it once (without an excellent reason) you’re making life difficult the time after. I’ve reached a point now where if someone keeps mithering me it makes me even more likely to refuse- I can’t stand it.

I'd so much rather walk 20 minutes to work than get driven in a car with 3 screaming kids, can't understand him!

Something about your post feels off.
A 10 minute drive drive does not translate into a 20 minute walk unless you are driving really fucking slow.
A brisk fast walk speed is about 6 km/h. In 20 minutes, you will have walked 2 km at that speed. To make that distance in 10 minutes with you car you would have to be driving at 12 km/h (about 7.5 mph) which quite frankly I don't believe you are doing.
So be honest about the walking time. Your DH would have to walk a lot longer in order to get to his place of work.

What difference does it make?

Plus you’re not accounting for the fact that in towns/ cities there are quite often cut throughs and footpaths which make the walk shorter, and traffic/ speed limits/ one way systems which make the drive longer.

Morning traffic will do that - my kids nursery is a 15minute walk or 4minute drive but in the mornings it usually takes well over 15minutes in the car! We also go through a busy junction which only lets people from our road through every 3 minutes, when it rains or if another road is closed there can be a queue of cars with only a few getting through at a time - I have been stuck there some mornings for ten minutes before I have to join the traffic queue on the street the nursery is on and try and find parking. It is frustrating when a 15minute walk becomes a half an hour drive. I walk unless the weather is awful or if I need to go on somewhere in the car after drop off.

My partner cycles 5 miles to work as it is far quicker than the bus and comparable to driving, traffic here is terrible.

I'm guessing your DH doesn't drive. I don't drive so I get the bus to work and back. If my DH is off he will sometimes come and pick me up especially if I'm working a late shift and I appreciate it, but 99% of the time I'm getting myself to work. I have about a 20 min walk from my bus stop to my home and its good decompression time after work and gets me some extra exercise in. Plus I value my independence and don't like having to rely on other people.