Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

My husband and I would never do this to each other. We both work and can get ourselves there. We would not drag our little kids out of the house for our commute. Very selfish.

A 20 minute walk? Is he serious? I’m not being snide, this is a genuine question, does he have some sort of health problem, or a physical disability that makes this a problem? Is he quite unfit? I can’t imagine an adult wanting to be driven a 20 minute walk!

A 20 minute walk? Is he serious? I’m not being snide, this is a genuine question, does he have some sort of health problem, or a physical disability that makes this a problem? Is he quite unfit? I can’t imagine an adult wanting to be driven a 20 minute walk!

A 20 minute walk? Is he serious? I’m not being snide, this is a genuine question, does he have some sort of health problem, or a physical disability that makes this a problem? Is he quite unfit? I can’t imagine an adult wanting to be driven a 20 minute walk!

Does he have chronic constipation?? Or is it just so he doesn't have to deal with the children?
Is there a reason he doesn't drive?

It's also not much to put on some shoes and walk for a piddly 20 minutes.

It's less about a 20 minute walk, than the effort required of other people to save him 10 minutes.

This is a huge red flag for the rest of yiur life op. He is unreasonable and unkind and this slithers into control and/or abuse.

I rarely say it, but I think you shoukd be making plans to leave.

Can't he take the car. 20 min walk is nothing. I walk that with dd to school and back.

Are you car sharing so you dropping him off leaves you the car available all day?

Car sharing is always problematic.

Could you buy a second car?

“Are you sure you don’t want to take me to work”

"Yes, I am. Stop asking."

OP has said that there is no parking available where he works, which is why he doesn't just drive himself.

Show him inconvinience. Adjust your family spending for a few weeks and make him pay for an uber. Book it every night before bed and you all stay in bed til he has gone. He has no respect for his family at all and there is not a cat n hells chance i would pander to his demands,You do enough with the kids ,,fuck him.

No, get a bike & a really good chain lock
repeat, broken record technique works well - it has on you so far

If you weren’t looking after his children he wouldn’t be able to go to work unless he paid expensive child minding fees. Tell him to make his own way to work and don’t be bullied into a situation disrupting everyone . He will only get worse if you allow this !!

Could you buy a second car?

Seriously? You'd spend at least* £1000 per year to use a car for 40 minutes per 5 days a week 48 weeks a year, just to avoid walking for 40 minutes.

Thats £5 a day

*Taking into account purchase prices of car, MOT, Insurance< Servicing and the car lasting 5 years

Thanks @thepariscrimefiles I loathe the new mumsnet format, such a big font means I seem to keep missing things.

You don’t have to justify your decision. I imagine your mornings are crazy at the moment.

He is a grown man and it’s a 20 minute walk. Leave him to it and stop caving in. The most worrying bit is him bulldozing your decision - it shows a lack of respect.

Well ignoring the no parking issue yes that’s exactly why people buy a second car funds allowing.

Selfish git he is. And disrespectful of your time and needs.

So basically he is another child with not consideration or respect for you. I am sorry you had 3 children with this man.

What a horribly selfish man. Does he often put himself first at the expense of other family
members? Are there other areas in which he ignores your boundaries?

He can walk 20 minutes.
He is being extremely rude to expect you to do it and is controlling the situation by telling your children.
Just don't drive him, but I understand that you'll have to deal with the fall out from him, so might not be as easy said as done.

It's not selfish. He is selfish and lazy and bit of a bully by the sound of it.

YANBU
He does realise that you are not on holiday and you are in fact on maternity leave and your priority is your baby and your other children?!? Coz his attitude suggests he thinks you are on holiday and available to make his life easier…which is just not the case.
I would firmly explain to your idiot husband that NO you will not be driving him to and from work as you are currently already working 24/7 looking after your 5 month old baby. If he wouldn’t ask you to leave the office to take him to work he doesn’t get to ask you to drive him whilst you are on mat leave. Keep telling him no and DO NOT cave in and take him. What would he do if you didn’t take him and he was late? Would he blame you? Let him…then continue to say no and it is his fault if he is late to work. After one or two days of him being late he will get the message and stop asking. Whilst you keep caving he won’t take no as an answer as he is getting his own way.

This isn't about the lift. It's about DH not valuing the hard work of parenting and thinking you're just chilling at home with your feet up while he's grafting at work. He's a man who needs to be left to look after all three of his children on his own for a full day. Better yet, a weekend. Then bundle them all into the car to come pick you up from the bus/train when you command him to.

I'm being generous. He sounds like a lazy, bullying, coercive arse, and you should be taking inventory of everything else that is wrong with this relationship, and making plans to get you and the children away from him. Before he grinds you down even more than he already has.