Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

I know 🤣 In my work, what you said would be mild banter and people would play along and then have forgotten about it ten minutes later, but some people on this site have no imagination…

Sorry, I don’t think it’s funny at all - condescending really. I wouldn’t cry but might avoid you in future. If I knew I’d upset someone like that I would definitely say sorry and explain.

You made grown woman cry. This woman apologised to you and even though you now know she was having a shitty time, you didn’t apologise back for upsetting her (also given you know she’s sensitive). Are you the office bully?

There’s a woman like this at my work. I’ve worked with her for 3 years and I must have seen her cry more than a dozen times - there’s always some drama. Mostly over minor things, like she forgot her work pass, or the tone someone speaks to her in, or a small mistake she’s made being picked up on. It’s got to a point where nobody bats an eyelid now if she starts crying. I’ve also noticed she can turn on the tears to her own advantage - if there’s a task that she doesn’t want to do for example. Everyone’s ended up having to cover her work at some point, so it’s no wonder everyone's out of sympathy when the tears start.

Believe me, I'm a very piss-takey, sarcastic person (out of myself as much as anyone else), but your comment seems a lot more patronising than jokey. And the fact you know she takes offence easily and gets upset or doesn't get things, does make me wonder why you said it. I get that maybe the 'joke' came to you and you didn't really think about it. But she has apologised to you I don't see why you can't just say back 'I'm sorry if you thought I was being unkind, I really was just making a joke' (or similar). In this case it seems like even a non-apology like 'I'm sorry if you found my comment offensive' would work.

I absolutely get if you can't be arsed with the drama of someone always making something of nothing. And by all means in the future just give her a wide berth. But in this instance, not apologising is going to cause more drama. Apologise and have nothing more to do with her is by far the easier route.

Nope she will then complain that people are ostracising her.

If I were you I’d apologise and watch what I say to her in future because she has obviously taken your joke literally.

You already knew what she was like though.

Um, I don't think your "joke" is socially acceptable I'm afraid.

I'd probably give you a 🤨 look if you said it to me, but I could imagine if someone was already feeling insecure then it could be taken badly.

I think you were inappropriate and should apologise.

TBH if she's not a direct colleague, I'd just ignore her! Not everyone gets along, nor should they. We are humans, not robots. But if you don't have to interact with her at all, then don't. You can be polite & professional if you need to be. She's not being very professional by crying & throwing tanties. Management should be managing that.

I worked with one of those. She reported my colleague for saying good morning how are you every day. Apparently because he was big (built like a brick shit house) and very tall she found it intimidating!!!! She said he was trying to pry into her mental health.

so we all stopped asking her how she was- guess what happened next? I bet you don’t need 3 guesses

I worked with someone like this and found her constant need for attention absolutely draining. Sadly, people like your colleague seem to take offence at just about everything as it suits their agenda to do so and feeds their need for drama. I don't think your comment was offensive at all....just workplace banter that most people can accept without histrionics.

Yeah she’s over the top crying & running away but if someone said that to me I would find it incredibly condescending and smug.

Her reaction is OTT but the ‘joke’ isn’t funny? The fact you keep having to explain it to people on here highlights that. While you meant it lightheartedly, it’s not quite come across that way.

For what it’s worth, I am not easily offended and love banter with colleagues but unless you were particularly close to this colleague - which it appears not, it comes across a bit passive aggressive.

Horrible attitude. You say the comment was obviously patronising and said it anyway. Your intention was mean and now you're complaining she's upset?

I agree with this. Making a joke at someone else's expense (however weak the joke) is not something you do with someone you clearly dislike.

To say something demeaning "as a joke" to someone you disapprove of just seems like bullying. Her over-reaction suggests she might see it this way too.

She might well be a tiresome drama llama in the workplace but you either knew rightly it wouldn't land well because of this or you are not very good at reading the room. Someone earlier wondered about your own social awkwardness. Either way, a miscommunication or not, the easiest way to nip it in the bud is to offer a light apology followed by a wide berth.

If I see someone struggling to open a door I always say "ah, Midvale School for the gifted".
Even when it's me struggling with a door.

Occasionally someone gets it and we share a chuckle.

That’s not really how that comes across, it sounds more like a condescending way of calling someone incompetent and you laughing too. I’d be livid if someone said that to me. I wouldn’t cry about it but I’d think they were a dick

Oh my god, it’s not funny, it’s patronising … it’s a joke! Even if you don’t find it funny as humour is subjective it’s far from offensive, people need to lighten up

Why did you say that if you knew she is touchy? I wouldn't find it particularly funny if you said it to me.

This! You seem rather full of yourself OP

A woman covered my maternity leave who was like this, I kept getting texts from colleagues! Then when I went back, we had a 1 month overlap on her maternity cover contract, and my god I don’t know how they put up with her for a year. She sit crying because she’d fallen out with her wife (again!), would be very offended at everything and she ate all the fucking biscuits too. The manager couldn’t do anything about it though as it’s very tricky ground.

BTW OP if you said that to me I’d laugh, I thought it was funny. But then I have a sense of humour and some people really don’t! I can’t bear people who can’t laugh at themselves

Brilliant.

How many posts do we see about negging and disguising as a joke?

‘I’ve spoken to others…’

this is what makes you the asshole in the situation. You have no idea what she is going through or what problems she has. And you are gossiping to others about her…not cool.

I don't take offence at anything, and have lots of banter at work etc.. BUT, I don't find your joke funny to be honest.. I find it patronising and belittling.

I know you think it was funny, but you were basically making a joke about her struggling, while insinuating that she had the weakness and incompetence of a child.. Is she young/small because that would seal the deal of being completely inappropriate to compare her to a child.

I think it was the word adult that ruined it, it is nothing but patronising.. if you had said would you like a 'grown up' to help you, it would have landed as a joke a little bit better, but I think the whole joke was dodgy territory.