Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

I don't find it funny either. I think it's an odd thing to say and could come across as sarcastic rather than jokey. Having said that, its certainly not something to cry over.

If I were you, I'd apologize for the sake of peace and make that your last non-work related interaction with her.

She does sound hard work.

But your comment was way off base. Patronising, not funny and could be seen as bullying. Especially as you know what she is like - you knew she wouldn't laugh along with you. you need to be so careful in the workplace nowadays and jokes, especially ones aimed directly at people, are best avoided.

I'm not saying it's right, i've worked for over 30 years and things have changed so much - but it is the way things are now and you're opening yourself up to allegations of bullying etc.

I've never heard this joke, but I can imagine it would go down pretty well with my colleagues. This is very much our sort of silly humour.

I do think your “joke” was patronising and cringe. It’s the sort of joke I would expect most people to have stopped in about 1976. But this in no way justifies running off in tears, complete overreaction.

I would make a mental note that:

a) Your idea of humour isn’t everyone’s and it’s worth second guessing yourself before you make “jokes”
b) This woman is fragile and incredibly sensitive and it certainly isn’t worth it with her.

Totally agree with this.

I don't find it funny either, and would consider it immature, I ld consider the "joker" as unprofessional and having bad judgment. Sounds like a toxic workplace.

"Fuck sake 🙄"

"Did you only read the 1st 4 words?… Do you know what if means?"

The above would suggest that you're not light-hearted and you do take offence easily. Perhaps your behavior is not challenged often so it's not put to the test.

What you said wasn't very original, it didn't contain any actual wit, and it implied she was a child.
If that's what passes as quality banter in your office, she's probably suffering from a deep depression. I would be.

When you think it's funny to say things like that to people and then come to the Internet to tell everyone, it's very difficult to gauge who the problem is here.

" staffroom" There you have it, schools are toxic places.

Poor woman. She needs some time off.

Like, “Yeah, do you know any?”

People like this woman exhaust me.

It would very much depend on who delivered the joke, an unpleasant colleague or someone I get on with, would have very different reactions from me. As her crying was not a one off I wouldn’t get drawn into her dramas. I’d keep any future ‘banter’ to a minimum.

I quite like a good piss take but I wouldn’t find that joke funny at all. It’s quite offensive and I’d be pissed off if someone said it to me. She over reacted but it was an offensive thing to say.

How you and people here would react is irrelevant.

You knew this woman was sensitive and emotionally labile and still chose to make the joke.

This could be construed as bullying.

‘would you like an adult to help you’

You really think that is funny do you?

I think whether the joke is funny or not you should know this isn’t a person to joke with. Remain professional with her but limit and further dialogue or interactions. She’s a PITA.

Yes, I have heard the joke before! I am usually the one struggling with whatever it is!! I'd have laughed it off, and certainly wouldn't have taken offence. However, this woman sounds as if she'd consider someone breathing as offensive, and given her moody/emotional outbursts, it probably wasn't a joke suited to her. Lesson learnt. Apologise. In the future avoid as much as possible and be polite if you do have interactions with her.

Having read your replies back, I’d say she’s definitely not the only one who is emotionally immature. You are coming across like a bit of an insecure, stubborn arsehole who can’t take responsibility for their own actions and hates being wrong or challenged.

Whether or not you think she overreacted or not is irrelevant, the fact is you know she’s a sensitive person, and by the sounds of it she isn’t someone you would consider a friend or close colleague, so why did you feel it necessary to say it to her? What matters is you upset her and you need to apologise.

As it happens, I do ! But then I can laugh at myself. I think there's an awful lot of HR policy thumpers out in force on this thread.

I think OPs mistake is - she said it to someone who is obviously very volatile/fragile who probably would take offence with pretty much anything and everything

You know she is emotional so you made fun of her and you've been talking about her behind her back with other colleagues?

I think if you work in a school I can see the jokey side. If you don’t then it’s an odd thing to say as a joke. Jokey banter can often fall flat if directed at someone you don’t really know well or don’t have a rapport with.

If you know someone is very sensitive then why joke at all. Keep things factual and to the point and reduce interaction to a minimum, keeping it professional. Less stress for you both.

I’d find the joke funny, it’s the sort of thing my friends would say to me with my menopause brain.

as it’s a wrk environment I’d write a very VERY short email, maybe:

Jane

apologies if I upset you.

regards
me

then keep your relationship distant and professional. The last thing you need is HR on your back after she’s made a complaint about you.

Hi OP, you did nothing wrong at all (although I think you know this already hopefully) I love people like you in the workplace.... Just simple little comments that lighten up the day and provide a chance for a little interaction and smiles. I think people who are saying it's not funny are judging it as if you were attempting to make her double over with laughter. Whereas the context is far more likely that you were trying to make her smile. Don't change! We need lighthearted people in the world.

You must have known she wouldn't find this funny, OP. From what you have said about her it is blindingly obvious. So why on earth did you chose her to be the recipient of your joke? It doesn't matter whether people on this thread think it's funny or not, she didn't. I think you should apologise.