Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

You don't sound very nice and what you said was not very funny. You have absolutely no idea if she's going through something or not.

I wouldn’t find your ‘joke’ funny I’d probably feel embarrassed.

Two things I say to my children -

it’s not funny if both people aren’t laughing

saying sorry isn't admitting you are wrong, it’s letting the other person know you are sorry you upset/hurt them.

If you struggle to understand this maybe get an adult to explain it to you.

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼☺️

I would say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry to have upset you - I realise that you may be going through a difficult time as I have noticed that you're quite emotional lately - if you need anything please let me know'

This will take all the anger out of her and she should leave you well alone / you can then just ignore her going forward / acknowledge her but ultimately stay well away and dont interact with her again.

Not responding / apologising is only going to keep the angst ongoing... Knock it on the head and move on x

If you asked me "do you want an adult to help with that?" I'd quip back "do you know one?"

Well personally I think your joke was funny! I would have definitely laughed had someone said it to me. People that would take offence at such a light joke clearly have very low self esteem and take it personally.

note to self: never tell jokes at work.

I think that comment was a bit OTT tbh and a tad condescending. Maybe she did over react but comment a bit silly.

CTRL-F 'on the blob'. No hits? Huh.

I think people are being a bit harsh on OP; tone is everything with these. My standard lighthearted comment to someone fighting a door is 'failing the IQ test?' and I have yet to have anyone run away crying down the corridor afterwards. Probably because they can't open the door, though, now I think on it.

I can see the funny side, not lol and I don’t get her reaction. I used to work with someone that was in an awful mood most days so I do understand how your feeling. But maybe look at it from a different angle
I casually mentioned to her that I thought I might be perimenopausal and it opened up a conversation where I got her to think about that possibility for herself (we are close in age). I know it’s hard but sometimes a work colleague just needs someone to listen, would it hurt you to reply with, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, is everything ok I’ve noticed you have been struggling a bit recently. She might have something major going on or she might simply need a rant and doesn’t have someone to rant to.

I think you're the one who might need an adult to explain things to you if you can't conceptualise there are different types of apology, some of which accept responsibility and some of which don't.

Are you honestly saying you can't see any difference between:
"I'm sorry I punched you in the face,"
and "I was so sorry to hear about your brother's death." ?

and as for "it's not funny if both people aren't laughing..." humour is subjective. There is no joke in the world that absolutely everyone would find funny.
You're saying if Ricky Gervais or Michael McIntyre or someone sold out the Albert Hall, out of the 10,000 strong audience 9999 people are roaring with laughter at the punchline, but just because one person doesn't get the joke then it can't possibly be funny?

You sound like you just trot out platitudes without actually applying any logic to them. Which might be fine if you're trying to teach young kids right and wrong, but just makes you look ridiculous when debating with anyone over the age of 8.

There are lots of types of apologies, condolences is another one. I was referring specifically to the type in this case, not starting a list of all types of apologies.
with regards to the humour comment again ibwas specifically referring to the type of situation mentioned in the op. If someone makes a joke at some one else’s expense and they don’t find it funny it’s not a joke. It’s just one person being mean to another. It’s not ok to make fun of someone and when they are offended say it’s just a joke.

The best part about this whole thread is watching the same people parrot the tired ‘no one has a sense of humour anymore’ line. No, hun, we do. You’re just not funny. It’s always the most painfully unfunny and boring people that cling to that excuse when their jokes don’t land or no one agrees about something that they found funny. “I’m right and anyone that doesn’t agree is wrong” that’s literally what you’re saying. You’re the type of people that thinks everyone finds you hilarious but I promise you they don’t, they find you insufferable, they’re just being nice (a skill OP might benefit from learning). No one finds it funny because it’s the most low effort thing you can say. If you want to be funny, use your brain and come up with something a little more creative

Even if I thought my joke was the funniest joke in the world, if it made someone cry I’d feel absolutely awful. I’d have immediately went and found her to apologise, regardless of my like or dislike of her. Jokes are meant to make people feel good, so if they’re crying then maybe rethink what you’re saying? It’s not that hard really. But maybe that’s just the difference between adults and people still mentally stuck in primary school.

Your sad excuse for a joke was not funny. For all you know, she has mobility problems that make fine motor skills difficult, and her life at home may not be good. Also, it is 'not the first time' she has reacted to you - so why did you do it again? I avoid these people; I let them go before me through doorways, get out of their way in corridors, and only say good morning if they di so first.

I'm picking up autism from this one, no, seriously.

Why?

Emotion dysregulation, for one thing, commonly found in people with ASD, BPD, ADHD, and various others (I'm not a professional but I am ....educated in that department - for want of a better way of putting it, and I'm nearly 50 and still learning the ropes!).

The over-reaction sounds like the smallest trigger has set an extreme response off, which is what that was. Couple that with the why aren't you apologising too thing - maybe out of a personal strong sense of justice and fairness - also an autistic trait...

Classic textbook case for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, maybe Cognitive Behavioural Therapy too, but definitely DBT.

Don't not be arsed, be supportive in a pro-active way, bring it up with management as a concern not a complaint - maybe she needs an assessment referral from her Doctor or something? It sounds pretty severe tbh. Definitely needs help.

She sounds like hard work.
You sound rude.

I wondered when this would come up🙄😴

The behaviour of this colleague was not a normal reaction. The OP said she behaves like this with others too. I would be concerned about an adult regularly reacting like this in any work place but it is especially concerning in a school where this behaviour can be witnessed by children or worse, she could react like this with children. It is unprofessional and this person needs help. Senior management should really be stepping in here and addressing it.

And why is that?

Why does everything need to have a 'label' these days!? Maybe she's going through a shit time at home ,or has a medical issue that is causing her to become emotional.Simple as that.

Maybe just avoid making these sort of comments to this person if she gets upset over things you consider to be unimportant 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is tad immature to dismiss her as a drama llama ,who knows what is going on in her life has anyone on your self obsessed office thought to ask?

@nordy1

"who knows what is going on in her life"

But how and why does this mean that she is allowed to behave this way (and be excused for this behaviour) in the work place and have colleagues walking on eggshells around her? If her issues are so great that it is impacting on her work then she should be seeking professional help rather than making colleagues' work time difficult or unpleasant.
As a one off, I would have every sympathy but as a pattern of behaviour over time, then she really should be taking steps to sort it out.

Yes, a medical issue that is causing her to become emotional.
I assume that medical issue has a label.
You remind me of a meme.

I'm a doctor and I wouldn't so confidently make an assertion about someone's mental health issues from a few words posted on a forum. Labels are only useful if they have merit.